Devious Love

Ariel What's the purpose of life? That was the first question that I have ever asked my dad after mom left us. She wanted more in life and he couldn't give it to her. My dad looked at me with his always smiling lips and whispered "The purpose of life is to find happiness and to always hold on to it" he looked at me and stroked my hair, kissing my hair. I starred at the road that mum choose to start her new life on. To abandon us forever. "Then why did you let her go? She was your happiness." my tone was accusing him of a crime he didn't commit. Tears were threatening to fall down my cheeks, he quietly whispered "She was never my true happiness Ariel, you are" I was only 8 when this conversation happened and I remember how much I cried in his arms. In my best friend's arms. I never quite found my sole purpose in this life and as the days go by I feel like I never will. It was autumn when mum left us in the middle of the night. She never said goodbye. One day she was here and the next she was gone. It made me feel like all those moments with her were a lie. Her words just pure and utter bullshit. She never loved us. My dad gave his heart to her and she stomped on it. On the night she left there were no stars. I heard her leaving and I didn't do anything about it, I was numb, starring at her through the window in disbelief. The sky was dark and empty because she was gone. She was our star and she left the autumn sky. I was never a big cryer but whenever I did cry she was there for me, for us these time she wasn't there. Dad and mom used to dance in kitchen every night after dinner and I'd watch them from the cracked door. She used to sing and he would spin and twirl her in circles, they'd knock into chairs and tables but they never seemed to care. Whenever they were together the world dissapears and nothing else mattered. Every night they danced even at her last night. At the end of the song they held onto each other and I used to watch them with curiosity, wishing that someday I'll dance in the kitchen with my soulmate. After their dance I'll run up the stairs and minute later mom will come into my room, I never liked fictional stories and that's why she never read them to me I wanted to know more about her, every night she would let me in her mind telling me stories and her dreams and then she will kiss my forehead and disappear in the night. When she decided to start a new life without us all these traditions were gone, dad was trying to hold it together but I knew that he was hurting. He lost the love of his life, he might say that she wasn't his purpose but she was his heart. We never had breakfast together, we barely talked but every night we will have dinner and share the silence. The silence that is filled with so much pain. Years went by seamlessly but the hurt never went away until one night. It was a cold autumn day and I was walking around aimlessly not knowing where was I going until I saw her or I thought I did. She was in one of those antique shops, looking at some brooches. Looking as beautiful as ever with her gold hair, her blue eyes starring at the brooch that the lady behind the counter was holding in her hand. An unknown guy was by her side, holding her waist until the picture before my eyes disappeared. I was crying and didn't realize it, in the middle of the street my worst nightmare came into my mind. I was hallucinating. After that day, those visions continued to come at me. The voices in my head were so loud, sometimes I wished they would disappear but at times, they were the only thing I had. I had nobody. Sometimes they would conquer me, other times they were my company. I was always this quite kid but they didn't know that my mind was so loud, all the time. But I knew that they were the only thing that kept me going, they made me feel even though those feelings are bad. Even though those feelings were really bad.