Bad At Love

Chapter Eighteen

Do you know the feeling you get when your whole world crashes down? Not necessarily because of something you had done, but because of someone else. You know that feeling when your chest is clenching. Crying out in agonizing pain because someone you thought meant no harm to you went behind your back. I was physically hurting, and it was all because my heart had just broken.

"Silas," I whispered, eyeing the photo that covered his phone. A photo of him kissing a girl on the cheek with a ring on her finger, smiling at the camera, happy as can be. I let my hand cover my mouth again, disgusted with him, disgusted with myself. "Why are you kissing my sister?" I don't know if he heard me, I didn't care. I didn't need an answer.

I already know what I saw. The ring, the smile, the face etched into my memory from long before Silas ever existed in my life.

"Please don't tell me you knew." I cried out, my hands falling from my lips as they quivered silently. There was no way he could've known who she was. And if he did, why did he drag me into this?

"I didn't," he started, tossing his phone towards the wall. A loud thunk vibrated throughout the room as he stepped closer to me. "Not at first," he added, his hand reaching out to me. I let out a whimper, my head shook back and forth. 

"Oh my god." I cried out, holding my hand to my chest as if my hand could hold together my broken heart. "No, no." My voice broke out. I stood up, stepping as far away as possible, keeping enough distance to where I didn't even have to look at him.

"I can't believe this." I choked out, my hands running wildly through my hair, pulling strands out from my scalp.

"Fae," he called out, his voice wavering. He looked as much of a mess as I did. His hair was an unkempt wreck, his eyes filled to the brim with tears as they rained down his cheeks. He had his arms reaching out to me, a poor attempt to comfort me. He was putting on a show for me."No. Don't you dare call me that," I stated, my eyes meeting his in anger.

"Don't stand there and act like you're not engaged to my f*****g sister. Don't stand there crying, acting like you're the one hurt. Don't you f*****g dare." I screamed out, my heart pounding in my chest, dying to be free of this agony.

"I-"

"Shut the f**k up. You're disgusting," I pointed my finger at him, my eyebrows knitting together in anger. How dare he? How could he? I don't understand how someone could do this. How someone could sleep with someone else while promised to another. Especially a sibling.

My sister. My f*****g sister.

I almost gagged at the thought of him and Kiera.

"My f*****g sister? Like the moment you found out you should've f*****g stopped. Hell, not even f*****g start it considering you're engaged---"

"Look, it's not like that. Yes, we are engaged, but there's so much more to the story. There are things about your sister you don't know, the things she's done--"

"My sister's a b***h, she's a f*****g cunt. I know she that, I grew up with her. I don't need you telling me what I already know. And about what she's done, I could care less. She left our family to start a life with you and didn't even bother contacting us until now. Because, oh yeah, she's f*****g getting married to you." I spat at him. Gagging at the thought of them sleeping together.

The thought of them dating, holding each other, laughing together. Doing everything we had spent the last twenty-four hours doing. Doing all the things we had been doing since we met.

I shook my head as I paced around the room, how disgusting could I be? I had spent the last few months sleeping and falling in love with her fiancee. I was a disgrace, a disgusting homewrecker, and all to my own sister. He did this to me. I confided in him, how unlucky I was. I told him all about my shitty relationship with her. And he sat there with a listening ear as I ate it up.

"It doesn't matter how it all happened, it doesn't matter if you don't love her. Because seemingly, you only love yourself. You don't get any right to excuse this behavior. I want to know what you expected out of this? How long did you think it could last? I mean, obviously, I'd meet you at some point." I stopped talking for a moment, before turning around to face him. My realization dawned on me why I had never met him through my sister.

All the times he canceled last minute, his random appearance at the diner, oh god.

"That's why you took me here," I whispered. My heart falling to my stomach as I watched him flinch with my words. "You wanted to publicly do things with me, so you didn't have to worry about watching your back." I scoffed at him. How could I have been so blind?

"No, no. I brought you here because I knew I was running out of time. I knew after this week I wouldn't be able to see you or touch you. I knew I'd have to let you go, and I wasn't ready, so I needed this. I needed this time to show you I care about you, to pretend for just a moment you were mine. --"

"I'll never be yours, ever." I bit out, making my way to the restroom, shoving into his shoulder as I walked past. "I'm going to shower and we are leaving," I called out, slamming the door behind me. Immediately, I turned the lock to make sure he didn't even bother trying to come in. It didn't take long for me to turn on the hot water and mask my pain in the shower. Letting the water burn my skin as I let the tears roll down from my eyes like rivers during a thunderstorm. I cried out in pain, my incoherent words were such a gargled mess it sounded closer to wailing.

I felt every piece of my heart shatter, over and over again. All his words and kisses hijack my brain. All the sweet words he said, every night-filled passion gone. A short-lived escapade which led me to learn yet another lesson; or rather the same one all over again. I'll never find love, I'll never be good enough for a man to want.

Not like her.