Bad At Love

Chapter Seventeen

SILAS POV

I eyed her sleeping form for hours. I had nothing else to do; there wasn't anything else I would rather do. I didn't mind playing with her hair as I watched her chest rise and fall. I didn't mind her small snores or her constant wiggling to get cozy. I simply wanted to be next to her.

I know it was stupid, pathetic even. Inviting her on this road trip, knowing full well what would happen. There wasn't anything I could do to stop it, I wanted it. I desired everything that erupted between us more than anything I've ever wanted. Feeling her in my arms, watching her smile and hearing her laugh. Talking to her like she was mine, touching her like she was mine - acting as if she was mine. Every ounce of me needed her, like flowers requiring the sunlight to bloom.

I was digging my grave every second I spent with her, but I did it with a smile plastered on my face. Farrah was different. She wasn't some woman who just had the drive to find a man and get married. She didn't just want a title of being a trophy wife with a rich husband. She didn't want anything, didn't expect anything. She was the kind of girl you could throw anything at, and she'd go along with her every step of the way.

She was perfect, beautiful. She was a ruby in a sea of diamonds; a real catch. She had the legs, the eyes, the smolders. She had the wisdom, the humor, the confidence. She was everything I could've possibly wanted and needed. Someone I actually saw a future with, someone to carry my children someday, possibly? Never.

Because despite the fact that I wanted her more than life itself, I couldn't have her, not like I wanted. She was a blessing and curse to my existence; something made for me that I could never have. It hurt my heart to ever think of telling her the truth. I couldn't bear hearing her cry over me and what I had done to her, done with her.

I felt her wiggle beneath me and adjusted my arms to wrap around her. I sighed into her neck, feeling a tear prick the corner of my left eye. I wasn't ready to let go, and I barely had her. Nic had warned me, he told me no good would come of this. He knew she was my perfect match, he wanted me to be with her as much as I did. But we both knew that with my circumstances, there was no way in hell it'd ever happen.

But I tricked myself, I tricked her, into thinking it was possible.

Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzz.

I heard my phone vibrate on the stand next to the bed. Glancing over, I sighed and slowly made my way off the bed. I snagged my phone before I made my way to the bathroom, shutting myself in.

"Hello?" I answered with a mumble.

"Si, where are you? I miss you, come home." K's voice filled the other line. She was drunk, her slurring nickname told me all I needed to know. I sighed as I leaned against the wall of the bathroom.

"K, you're drunk." I mused, eyeing myself in the mirror - completely disgusted with myself. I had a naked woman sleeping in my bed, just on the other side of the wall. While the woman I'm engaged to is drunk calling me.

"And? What? I can't call my future hubby when I wanna?" She replied. I rolled my eyes as she let out a giggle. She didn't love me like she acted; I know she doesn't, she knows she doesn't. She loved me once upon a time, but somewhere along the line she fell in love with Enzo. I was just a man of her past that she stuck with because she made a promise, as did I.

There wasn't much we could've done.

"Well, your future hubby wants to know how you're drunk at noon, anyway?" I inquired, smiling softly. The least I could do was be polite. Our issues could be pushed aside for a moment.

"I have my ways, you should hurry and come home. I have a surprise for you." She slurred, her voice failing to sound seductive.

"Is that so?" I mused, shaking my head at her.

"Yeah, it's of the naked variety." She giggled into the phone.

"The naked variety? How did I get so special?" I chuckled as I rubbed my eyes.

"You just are," she slurred. I don't know how much longer the call had lasted, but it was somewhere close to ten minutes. She was drunk, blabbering talking all things marriage and babies. Reminding me of all the things I had to do before the wedding rehearsal. I tried my best to tune her out, but also provide proper responses. Before I could end the call, she had bid her goodbyes and ended it on her own.

I shook my head in astonishment, despite constantly treating me like dirt. I was still the one she called when she was completely inebriated. I chuckled softly as I started to turn the knob of the bathroom door. I guess I was so lost in the call I hadn't heard Farrah get out of bed. But there she was, leaning against the wall across from the door of the bathroom.

Her hair was a disheveled mess, and her eyes were watery. She had almost indistinct streams of tears running down her reddened cheeks. Her hands were tightly wrapped around her waist as she held up the sheets around her chest. It didn't take me long to piece together what had happened.

"Farrah," I tried to say. My hands dropped to my sides as I stepped forward. I watched as her hand raised to stop me. She closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. A few tears escaped out of her eyes, nagging at me to wipe them off her cheek, "let me explain."

"Please, please do." She choked out, her hand reaching up to cover her swollen lips. You could tell she was battling with herself, she didn't want to listen to me; she didn't want to hear my excuses. She just wanted to understand.

"Look, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. None of it. I didn't expect to meet you, fall for you, I didn't okay? And I sure as hell didn't want to hurt you. I was selfish, I-I saw you, I wanted you. And the more I talked to you, the more I thought about you, there was no going back. I was stuck and-"

"Bullshit," she stopped me. Her head shook before stepping away from me for a moment, her body facing away before turning back around. She had tears pouring from her eyes as she waited for me. Her lips were quivering as her hand flailed in the air, urging me to continue.

"I didn't want to lose you, from the moment we sat down and talked at the bar, I didn't want to have a life without you in it. And I got selfish," I tried to explain. I felt my eyes brim with tears and looked away from her. Taking a deep breath, I clenched my hands into fists. "I kept seeing you, hitting you up, having s*x with you--" The longer I tried explaining. The more memories came flashing in my mind, like my life was ending right before my eyes.

"I kept falling for you without trying to stop it. I-I'm sorry--" I continued, my voice wavering with each word. My eyes were already welled with tears, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want this to happen like this, not right now, not here.

"That explains nothing, who were you on the phone with? Who'd you talk to about a wedding? Are you a best man, are you helping a friend out? I don't get it, Silas. Please, tell me you're just going to someone's wedding. Please, just help me understand, help me stop thinking of the worst." She choked out, her hands swaying around as she spoke, the sheet slowly starting to dangle off her body.

"Farrah," I whispered as I stepped closer, trying to get ahold of her. I saw the flash of pain in her eyes as I spoke. She already knew the answer, she stepped away, shaking her head; her hand covering her mouth again. "Please, god, I didn't mean for this to happen. It was supposed to be a little flirty night and I'd move on with my life, but I couldn't move on from you. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't help myself." I tried to argue sense into what I had done, trying to defend my actions. It was futile, I was f****d up and she knew it; I knew it, Nic knew it, even Sofia knew it.

I watched as she fell onto the mattress, her eyes closing as tears kept cascading down her face. I wanted nothing more than to wipe them away. Before I could say another word, my phone rang in my hand, the vibrations filling the quiet room. I watched as her head lifted up to see the phone. The image of the person flashing with their name in bright white letters:

KIERA PIERCE