Brent, when I say, "I Love You"... This is what I mean

What I mean when I say, ‘I love you.’ Is that every time that I look into your eyes, I find myself wondering how, why and shaking my head, because every time that I look into your eyes.... For once, I’m not afraid. What I mean when I say, ‘I love you.’ Is that the feeling in my chest is beyond words. Is that sometimes I can’t speak because I’m silently thanking the universe for the way we started talking at work at the Goodwill. And how was it that all this time before we were stumbling along our own paths, never knowing what we were missing? Then suddenly feeling all our pieces come together by some unknown force —it’s unexplainable, and yet it finally makes sense. You and me and the way our lives have intertwined without us even trying to. Nothing less than an answered prayer. What I mean when I say, ‘I love you.’ Is that there aren’t enough letters in the English language to construct sentences that explain the magnitude of passion I have for you. That to say, ‘forever,’ or ‘infinity,’ or ‘to the moon,’ simply does not match the warm feeling in my chest.To explain my heart any differently would be to lessen the emotions, to try to define something truly undefinable. So I do the only thing that comes close, and whisper those words into your ears-Not for you to hear, but hopefully you will eventually feel like I mean it when I tell you those three words. What I mean when I say, ‘I love you.’ Is that I cannot imagine a life that exists without your arms interlocked with mine, or my lips kissing a mouth that is not yours. Is that sometimes I’ll be going through my day, and my mind wanders to you, to us, and how even the little things have magnitude—ordering food, shooting the s**t, sitting in traffic sitting in silence—and if I could explain the way life with you takes on new meaning when I’m with you, I would. But there is no way to articulate the simple beauty of knowing I’m sharing my life with someone like you—the good, the bad, the ugly, the boring. So I simply say those three words, praying they’re enough for you. What I mean when I say, ‘I love you.’ Is that I’ve waited so damn long to speak my desires to life. That I’ve felt those feelings long before I let them slip past my lips. That when you reached for my hand, or laughed and your eyes lingered in mine a moment too long, or you kissed my forehead without speaking at all—I was already imagining how it would feel to truly hold your heart in my hands. There was nothing else in the world I wanted more than that simple, beautiful thing. And now I finally have the words to capture that feeling as best I can. What I mean when I say, ‘I love you.’ Is that I am simply ready. To experience the world with you. To fight fiercely with you. To close my eyes and lean back and take whatever comes on this journey together. To live with our demons and learn how to make them balance and play nice. To willingly give all that I am to you, without a moment of doubt. To choose you, forever. What I mean when I say, ‘I love you’... What I am really trying to say and to also remind you is that, Brent, I promise that I am here to stay.