In Between Us

Chapter 1

‘Weird.’ I am on my way to Mae’s desk and I been stealing glances at my attire. It’s not that I am not wearing my usual comfy clothes which is a dress with a length that ends right on my knee. But at the moment, I couldn’t see them because I am covered with bluish ESD suite. I only wear this suite I think thrice, first is during our orientation as we needed to be toured inside the production floor, second is when I tried to check the space where Mae is sitting due to curiosity and third is now.

Good thing I been here already so I know where exactly Mae’s desk is. Though this is not really a good idea because I don’t think I can even concentrate here, but this is where I think is the safest at the moment. Mae and other production staff’s desk are positioned near conveyors and machines, and waves of people wearing exactly the same as mine are around too. Noise here is inevitable.

Have you guessed where am I now? Yeah, I am at the production floor. I am not sure if I can work here because of so many noises around me. But yeah, as I said, this is what I think the safest place on earth at the moment. 

Sitting on my usual desk will not help me. I know Lucas is most likely to pass by anytime on my desk. I don’t like to have a conversation with him nor see him. I have thought that the last place he would visit is this, the production floor. I am surrounded with many things here and the least thing he could do right now is to talk to me. 

Why am I getting the idea that he wanted to talk to me? Am I assuming? No, I’m not. Definitely not because Lucas as what I have known him will definitely find a way to humiliate me and all.

But he can’t do it again this time. I guess I should be thankful to him because he made me a brave and strong woman huh.

“Hey, are you ok?” I was suddenly back to my senses when I heard Mae’s voice.

Great, thanks to this girl in front of me, she allowed me to use her desk. Well, I mean sit down beside her.

“You’ve been spacing out. I been here about 3 mins. but you didn’t even notice me. What is it?” Mae holds her gaze at her, waiting her to respond.

“Do you want to talk in private? I can close the whole floor if you want.” Mae pulling out a joke as she knows I am not ok.

“Will you do that?” I ride with her and smile.

“Ok, I’ll talk to boss.” then laugh a little.

“Where do you want to eat? Do you still want to go up or out?” Mae while slowly sitting on her chair.

“Anywhere.” I told her. I can’t hide forever. I can’t ignore him forever if ever he will approach me. Also, I don’t want my friend to adjust because of me. For now, I can use this production floor as my temporary office. I’ll give myself a week to let me absorb the changes that is happening and will happen.

I can’t be jobless. This is my consistent source of income. I really need to think, but not now. I am emotionally unstable. I don’t want to come up with a decision and regret later.

It’s hard to be underprivileged, you have very limited choices, actually most of the time you don’t have. For me, I am facing the option between staying or leaving. Whatever choice I will made, I should weigh and face the consequences because there will always be consequences!

I suddenly remember Victor. I only asked his permission this morning and since he came in early, I was able to talk to him immediately.

“Are you sure about that?”

“You can use one of the rooms here if that would make you feel comfortable.”

“Production is not really a good place to work because of so many things going around there.”

“It’s up to you, your decision.”

Those are some of the words that Victor told me right after I asked him.

I was grateful that Victor didn’t reject my request when I told him I want to be in Production floor for a week. What surprise me more is he didn’t urge me about going up if he will be needing something from me. He is very considerate though he doesn’t know yet what is really happening to me. He never asked me though and I can feel that he is giving me time.

It’s already 11 and I am in front of my computer. Victor asked me to review his schedules for next week as he will be going to Japan for a business trip for 2 weeks. He planned to actually bring me with him! Of course, I declined. I am rescheduling all his activities next week when I heard some voices discussing about the business.

“This is where the bottleneck is coming from.” She heard from the group.

“That is why we have lots of initiatives going on to improve the situation. This is also part of our Six Sigma project. Francis from Process Engineering is the one leading the team as he is only the one certified.

She moved her head to the direction of the group. As she roamed around her eyes to check on them, her heart suddenly beats erratically locking her gaze to one person. As much as she wants to move her gaze away from this person, she got stuck for a moment, examining his features. She cannot deny that he became more adorably good looking. He is really tall and though he is covered with an ESD suite, it’s obvious that he has a well-built body. I suddenly slapped my face for a second. Before I can even move my gaze away from him, he already caught my eyes. I suddenly felt uncomfortable and quickly turn my eyes back to my computer. She tried to get back her focus by looking at her computer but she just kept on staring at the screen. She is now lost.

“Does your initiatives are driven by the result of your data or you’re doing merely trial and error?” she wanted to see who spoke but her mind is telling her not to. Her inner self wanted to but she’s trying her very best to keep her eyes in front. It’s none of her business so she decided to continue her work though she is feeling uneasy and not really so productive.

My work is very slow. As much as I want to finish the things that I needed to do this morning, his presence makes my mind stumble, losing focus in everything that I do.

She was about to stand-up to get her print-outs but the voices she heard a while ago seems so close this time. She can hear their conversation clearly without a doubt.  It looks like they are just talking so close at her back. She confirmed it when she turned around. They are actually standing a few steps only from her back.

What startle her is when she caught his gaze towards her. It was so deep. He is talking but his eyes were locked on her. She tried to ignore it by basically getting her eyes off from him. Yes, that’s right. Let him feel that his presence doesn’t affect her anymore. That he is not as what he was to her before. That his power over her has gone. She is no longer his toy. My crazy years of being madly in love with him is over. He is a trash and he doesn’t deserve me. I already know my worth since the day he destroyed me. Now, it’s mind over my emotion. 

I turned my chair towards my left, stood up and walk towards the printer where my print-outs are.

I remember, 5 years ago, I was a slave of so much love for him. I have always done whatever he asked me to do but our relationship didn’t even last a year. It ended so fast.

I unconsciously shake my head. Thinking. Now I know that it really happens. I thought it’s purely for television series or movies only. When you invest yourself to a person, you know that you are giving that person a place in your heart and in your life. When you are in love, it feels like you can move a mountain. The impossible become possible. It seems like there’s no end or you wish you can stay together always. And when you love, you accept the person’s flaws and sometimes you become blind. I became the latter. I didn’t mind because I love the person and I am willing to understand. Even when you were slap with so many truths, you will always find a way to cover your eyes and just let it pass because of so much love. You love the person and you are hoping he may change because of you. Perhaps I was so young that I only realized it now. It really is stupid, it’s ridiculous. Looking myself now, I don’t think I can do whatever I have done in the past. 

I took the papers and decided to stay in the printer area a little longer. I don’t want to go back to Mae’s desk especially if these group of people are still there.

I suddenly turned around facing the exit and decided to go out from production floor holding the papers. I’m going to Victor instead. Might as well discuss his schedules and activities personally rather than through skype or email.

Upon arriving at 6th floor, I knocked at the door of Victor’s room though it’s open, just letting him know of my presence. I didn’t wait for him to say something and smoothly went inside.

“Good morning. I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you I’m coming. Are you free to talk?” I asked him.

I saw him dropped his pen on the top of pile of papers and turn his head up towards my direction.

He didn’t say any word though. He looked at me intently instead.

“How are you?” He asked.

She was caught there. I thought of it for a second. I don’t want to speak just for the sake of having something to tell.

“I- I’m not ok to be honest. But sorry Sir, I’m not really in the mood to talk about it now. I might ruin the atmosphere.” I told him truthfully.

“No, that’s fine. I understand. Have you figured out my schedule the week after next week?”

I smiled at him. He is really sensitive and I am thankful for that.

It’s already past 12 when I returned to production. I suddenly remembered my phone. I pulled it out from the pocket of my suit and saw several messages. My friends are already on our favorite room in 6th floor and have started taking their lunches. I need to get my lunch box. We always do this which is to bring our own food. We seldom go outside or eat lunch at the canteen because we love to stay inside a room and randomly and privately talk about something non-stop. When I was about to take my bag from the drawer, I suddenly noticed a rolled paper inserted in the outside pocket of my tote bag. I pulled it out, opened and read it.

‘I hope we could talk. Can you let me please? Can you meet me at my office at 2 pm today?’

I furrowed; it was from him. Without even thinking, I marched towards the shredder machine, put the paper inside and listened to the sound as the machine strip the paper into pieces.

“You belong there.” I whispered.

No way that I will be talking to him, never. I will actually appreciate if he will pretend that he doesn’t know me. That would work for me very well. It’s much easier to deal my day to day if he would just pretend that I don’t exist. He is minding his own business; I will mind mine too.