The magical smile

Oxi

The first time I really noticed and saw Henok was when we accidentally collided in the corridor. After that day, whether by coincidence or some kind of miracle, we kept running into each other repeatedly.

In fact, one day, we came so close to kissing. Some kind of force kept pushing me toward him—a force I couldn't understand. But it wasn't love. Because I had already experienced true love once, with Tanzan. The man I love, the man I truly adore, is Tanzan.

Yet, for some reason I don't understand, something inside me compels me to smile whenever I see Henok. Perhaps his innocence and gentle nature have captured my heart. Maybe what I feel for Henok is the same kind of feeling we experience when we see a sweet, adorable child. That's all it is. I don't think of him in any other way. And I can't.

Then why is it that whenever I get close to his lips, something inside me says, Kiss him, kiss him? Could it be that someone has cast a love spell on me?

All I know is that I feel something beyond my control. It's a feeling I can't even properly describe—something I can't explain as being this way or that way.

And sometimes this feeling confuses me. I even wonder whether it might be a feeling of love. At times, that suspicion turns into fear, and I find myself wishing I wouldn't see Henok at all.

Yet whenever I see him, I can't stop myself from smiling. I don't understand what makes me smile.

Why is it that whenever I see Tanzan, my love hormones begin to awaken? Why is it that whenever I see him, something inside me says, Hug him, hug him? Why is it that I can't control myself? Why? Why?

To tell the truth, I didn't want to feel this way. I don't think it's a healthy feeling either. It can't be.

I am married—and not just married to anyone. I am the king's wife.

What if Tanzan caught me with Henok?! By the Creator, what was I thinking? What was going through my mind?

Why was the first thing I thought about being with Henok? Why can't this young man leave my mind? Why do I worry so much about him and about the feelings I have toward him?

Why?

Why, indeed?!

Then, at some point, right after I woke up, I suddenly felt lighter. It was as though I hadn't been myself before and had finally come back to my senses. It was a strange feeling.

I felt as though I had regained complete control over myself.

I was happy!

What can I say? I loved myself again. I loved being alive.

I felt a profound happiness and an equally profound sense of freedom. I felt like a bird flying freely through the air.

I drew in the clean morning air deeply and savored it.

Wow! So this is what life can feel like.

It turns out that being alive can actually be a beautiful thing.

I also stopped smiling whenever I saw Henok.

Now, when I see Henok, I don't feel anything.

Instead, I began spending more and more time by Tanzan's side.

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Henok 2

I feel as though a deep sleep overtook me while I was still lying in the pit where I had fallen.

I opened my eyes sometime around midnight. It was so dark that I could not see anything. Somehow, still disoriented, I got up from where I had fallen. Feeling my way through the darkness, I climbed out of the pit. A cold wind was blowing, and the chill made the hairs on my arms stand on end.

It seemed that I must have injured my leg when I fell into the pit, because it had begun to ache. I turned my face toward the palace and looked in its direction.

Beyond the palace walls, I could see a faint glow of light coming from the palace.

Perhaps the soldiers who had been searching for me had returned. Or perhaps they were still looking for me.

Slowly, I began moving away from the palace. I had no idea where I was going. There was no one to guide me, nor anything to indicate which direction I should take in the pitch-black night. So, my only option was to follow wherever fate led me.

I could see absolutely nothing in the darkness. I was moving instinctively, almost as if I were walking with my eyes closed.

Suddenly, I came across fireflies along my path. Because they were flying together in a cluster, they managed to give off at least a little light.

I began following the fireflies. After we had walked for a short while, they changed direction and led me into a forest. Once inside the forest, we began moving quietly, without making a sound.

Suddenly, I became afraid that a wild animal—or something else—might appear and attack us. As my fear grew, my ears became more sensitive, and I began hearing even the faintest sounds from far away.

At one point, I took a deep breath and strained my ears, trying to perceive what my eyes could not see in the darkness.

Using the information my ears were giving me, I tried to create a picture in my mind of what was around me.

I imagined a cobra curled up asleep, coiled around its eggs.

To my left, there was a monkey sitting in a tree, making a faint chattering sound. It had not yet woken from its sleep.

To my right, I could see nothing but darkness.

I could not tell whether the cobra was somewhere in front of me or behind me. Perhaps it was simply too far away. There did not seem to be anything on my right. Maybe my strength was fading, making it difficult for me to perceive everything around me.

The fireflies suddenly abandoned their previous calm pace and began flying rapidly. I hurried after them.

Without the help of those fireflies, I would not have dared to remain even for a minute in this pitch-black forest.

Suddenly, the fireflies lost their direction and began flying off in different directions. And in the midst of it all, the dense darkness of the forest swallowed me.