The magical smile

It was a day when Oxin first entered the palace. I felt a strange emotion, as if I had just seen something. It was not a specific feeling, just a strange sensation. It was the kind of emotion that is difficult to describe. Since that day, it has been bothering me. So I could not stop thinking about this strange feeling. It feels as if there is some kind of barrier between us. I do not know why I feel this way. This is the kind of feeling I cannot express! Could it be love? Oh! It absolutely cannot be. She is the wife of a man, and moreover, the wife of the King! The mere thought of it is a sin in itself. But I could not stop thinking about Oxin. As I wander around the palace, if I suddenly see her, I smile without thinking. She also smiles back at me. I am amused by her smile. Exchanging secret smiles with the King's wife creates a certain mysterious feeling in itself. Always secretly, she smiles at me, and I think to myself, "This girl!" Does the Queen really look at this girl like that? How can this happen? I love Tazan. I truly love her. But the feeling I have for Oxin (I believe it is the kind of feeling I have experienced for her before?) makes me forget everything. I forget that my true lover is Tazan; I even forget that Oxin is my Queen. It is not that I say I love her. But there is something pleasant about it. I do not know what to call it. If this strange feeling is love, I know I will not be able to escape from this emotion. I understand that it is impossible not to love, because love is a natural phenomenon beyond our control. But we can hide it and deceive ourselves. Even so, anything that has been cooked while covered will eventually boil over one day. And when something boils over, it is bound to destroy whatever is nearby. The important thing is simply not to let yourself get caught. Once you are caught, getting out is difficult. As the elders say, “It is better to be cautious before you become sick than to suffer afterward.” But how can you be cautious about love? What shield could you use against it? How could you protect yourself so that it does not catch you? It is truly difficult. The only option I have is to convince myself that love has not caught me. Ho ho… I cannot possibly be thinking of falling in love with the wife of the king who rules over me. How could such a thing happen?! It is impossible. I lay on our bed, staring at the green hair of Emu that had fallen loosely down her back, while I kept thinking about the strange feelings I had for Oksi. Emu, lying beside me, shifted as though turning over, then pulled my hand and made me embrace her from behind. I could feel my hands touching her bare waist. Yet, from the very moment I saw Oksi, my feelings for Emu had grown cold. Day and night, something inside me kept saying, Oksi… Oksi. Even I was confused by myself. I slipped my hands down and placed them on Emu's hands. A warm hand, damp with sweat, received mine. She squeezed my hands, then turned her face toward me. Without realizing it, my eyes had closed. She brought my fingers close to her lips and kissed them. I don't know why, but I turned around and gave her my back. I felt her warm, soft lips land on my bare shoulder. I turned my face and looked at her. “Oksi told me that she wants to see you today.” When she said this, I was so shocked that I nearly died on the spot. “What is it? Is there a problem?” she asked, rubbing my back. I thought I could see suspicion in her eyes. No… there was nothing in her eyes except innocence. It was my own guilty conscience that made me see her that way. My innocent girl! She had no idea that her lover was struggling with feelings for another woman. But what exactly is struggling with feelings? Seeing a woman and desiring her is also a kind of temptation. But I did not desire Oksi. When I saw her, I simply felt something pleasant. And that is not my fault. I cannot tell myself not to feel happy when I see someone. In the mysterious world, fate plays the greatest role. In the mysterious world, there is no place for logic—only magic. Our world is different. Those who do wrong are punished during their earthly lives. We have neither a place of punishment called Hell nor a place of reward called Heaven. There are guardians of the mysterious world who punish those who commit wrongs. Someone who is completely innocent and kind in their earthly life, and who follows the laws of the mysterious world until the end of their life, is believed to eventually become one of the guardians of the mysterious world after their life comes to an end. “Is there some problem that has arisen?” Emu asked, staring at me. “Do you know why the Queen wants to see me?” I asked, brushing aside her question. “How could I possibly know?” she replied, confusion drawn across her face. “Didn't she tell you anything?” “She didn't tell me anything. Why? Is there some kind of trouble threatening Tritus Palace?” she asked, getting up from where she had been lying. “No, it's not like that,” I told her, while her innocence—and the fact that she was incapable of suspecting anything—was eating away at me. I felt as though I were betraying her. At that very moment, I decided not to think about Oksi anymore. But why would Oksi want to see me? Surely she could not be thinking about me in the same way I was thinking about her. That couldn't be possible. Kings could have concubines. But no one had the right to grant such a privilege to a queen. Even if it were me, I would never agree to become someone's concubine. If things became too much, I would simply take her and run away with her. What on earth is wrong with me? I had just decided not to think about her, and here I was thinking about her again. What was it about that girl—so beautiful and captivating—that had ensnared me like this? Was it her slightly flushed cheeks, or her thick, dark, curly hair that had captivated me? What was it about her that had drawn me in so strongly? Why couldn't I stop thinking about her? Why? Oh, this is unbelievable, you guys! I'm still thinking about her. “What are you thinking about?” Emu asked, realizing from my expression that I had drifted deep into thought. “I'm wondering why Oksi wants to see me,” I told her. “Well, perhaps she has a message for you from the king through her,” she said. “If the king can summon me directly, why would he send a message through her?” I asked. “Wouldn't it be better to ask her when you see her?” she replied. “I don't think today is convenient for me, even,” I said, deliberately relaxing my face while giving my mind time to come up with an excuse for why I shouldn't go to Oksi. “What?!” she asked, staring at me. “Not all the Ganelos were brought to dinner. Apparently, there are some Ganelos that were left behind without being thrown into the lake,” I said, feeling as though I had finally found an excuse not to go to Oksi. “And what does that have to do with what we're talking about?” she asked. “I'm going to rescue the Ganelos today,” I said. “You can hunt the Ganelos another day. Queen Oksi wouldn't want to see you without a reason. Go and meet her, and ask her why she wants to see you.” “If that's what you say, then okay,” I replied, realizing that she wasn't going to let the matter go easily. “Not because I said so, but because that's what needs to be done,” she said, and rose from the bed.