Forsaking His Luna

Forgiveness

Miriam

I woke up with pain in my chest again. It was dark outside. I slowly got up and turned on the lamp. What time is it? The clock above the fireplace marked 8:15 pm. I slept the entire afternoon, and now this pain is unbearable. I know why it hurts, but I'll be damned if I let it affect me.

I needed to catch some air. As I walked to my balcony, a knock sounded on my door, and Arthur's scent became stronger.

"Miriam, can I come in?" A nervousness took hold of me. I had to talk to him sooner or later.

"Come in." The door slowly opened, and I heard him slowly walking towards me. I was facing the window, and the pain in my chest intensified. All I wanted was to run into his arms, only I wouldn't do it.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

I turned around and almost couldn't hide my desire for him. God, why do werewolves have to be so fine? He looks even fitter than before. His hair was wet; his white shirt let me see through his impressive abs; his grey joggers hung dangerously low, showing his V-shaped abs. He got even taller than he was. His gorgeous eyes, it was as if I was looking at my son's eyes. His thin lips, I missed them. I learned I would wrap my legs around his hips if it weren't for all the self-restraint. Luckily, I controlled myself.

His expression showed nothing. I didn't know if he could feel my internal struggle.

"Are you hungry?"

"I am." He nodded.

"Come, let's eat something." He motioned for me to go to the front.

As I walked out of the bedroom, the smell of pizza made my stomach growl. I was so embarrassed.

If he heard it, he didn't let it show.

We walked into the kitchen in silence. As I went to sit on one of the stools on the island, he gently grabbed my hand, turned me around to face him, and pulled me against his chest so fast I didn't have time to react. He spoke almost in a whisper. "I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore."

Our lips collided at the same time. The truth was I couldn't take it anymore either. The desire was overwhelming, and it hurt not to touch him. Our bond was taking hold of our actions. Only one thing could stop this: the thought came to my head, and immediately my heart ached. He stopped kissing me instantly, taking two steps back. Immediately I missed his lips on mine."I'm sorry. Please, don't do it."

"I... I'm sorry too." I took a deep breath. "I don't see another way, Arthur; rejection is the only way for us to move on."

"NO! Please, no! I beg you, Miriam. All these years, you never rejected me. Why?"

"I don't know, I just... Buried all the memories with our bond, and I didn't want to feel." Unconsciously, tears started running from my eyes.

"Please, I... I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. Don't cry, Mi." He reached out for me and ran his thumbs under my eyes, catching my tears. It only made me cry more.

"Please, Arthur, stop. It's too much." He dropped his hands to his sides. I looked into his eyes, and tears were threatening to fall.

"Miriam, all I ask is for an hour. Listen to what I have to say. Then do what you must. But don't judge me without the whole truth."

I couldn't lie to myself. I wanted to hear what he had to say, and I wondered how he could still want me. Was it just the bond? Was it because of Lucas?

"No. It's more than that."

"Stop reading my mind!"

"I'm not. I only read emotions, and because I know you, I can guess your thoughts but can't help it. I'm sorry." He sounded desperate for me to believe him.

"Okay, I will listen to you, but do not expect me to forgive you. I have moved on with my life and I am happy with the way I live." He nodded, "I understand. Come, let's eat."

I wiped my ridiculous tears; I took a deep breath. We sat across from each other. He gestured for me to help myself.

Eating with my hands, I bit into the mushroom pizza and nearly moaned. The taste was incredible. He gave me a small smile and took a slice too.

"I almost forgot. What do you want to drink?" I looked at him and thought it would be nice to have red wine.

"Do you have red?" He nodded and got up, leaving the kitchen, and it took him two minutes to return with two glasses and a bottle opened. He placed the glass in front of me and started purring the wine.

"I hope you like wine from Tuscany."

"Thank you. I'll try it. But nothing beats wine from Alentejo." I gave him a playful smirk.

"I wouldn't know. I haven't tried it."

I shrugged my shoulders, "Your loss...", I took a sip of the wine and it tasted like blackberries and dark chocolate, it was divine. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh, it's delicious." He gave me a small smile.

"It's from my family's vineyard."

"Well, it's nice, thank you. And the pizza, too. Did you buy it?"

"Nah. I made it, it's easy." He started to eat and I did the same. I pretended not to be curious about how and when he had learned to make pizza from scratch.

When we finished eating, he got up and gestured for me to follow. "Come with me. Let's talk in the living room."

"Sure, let me clean up first."

"I'll do it after we talk. Don't worry about it." I silently agreed, walking behind him as he led the way.

I haven't been to this part of the house. The decoration of the room was cosy and masculine, lit by an open fireplace. The walls were made of wood, and the floor was pine wood like the rest of the house. The decoration was minimal; a massive black velvet sofa and a flatscreen on the wall above the fireplace. It was surrounded by two built-in shelf cases full of books. By the window, there was a chess table and two chairs. On the opposite wall was another built-in shelf case from top to bottom with CDs and vinyl. I felt like a kid on Christmas; as I observed the different names, I could read from a distance.

He sat on the left side of the sofa and gestured for me to sit too. I did, on the opposite side.

We were silent for a while as he looked absently at the fire.

"Let me tell you everything that happened to me after the last time I saw you. Unless you wish to speak first." -he turned and looked at me, and I shook my head.

"No, you go ahead." he nodded and then looked back at the fire.

"Do you remember when you woke up, and I was coming back inside the tent that night?" - I did remember. Before, we made love for the last time. My cheeks heated at the thought. "Yes."

"You remember when I told you my mother was from a critical pack in Italy? She was the sole heir to the throne and gave it up to marry my father. That left my grandad without an heir. After I turned eighteen, he decided it was time I started training to take over the pack." He paused, looking my way to see my reaction. I didn't want to interrupt him, not wanting to ask questions before hearing everything.

"Please continue."

"His methods are known for being quite ruthless. Instead of speaking to me about it, he decided to blackmail me. He called Cody that night and sent him photos of our entire pack chained like animals to the barn floor. He demanded that we return and agreed to his terms. He would have killed my alpha and my dad if I hadn't given in to his demands."

I silently I felt anger rising in my chest, probably mirroring Arthur's emotions. He continued. "He even had a gun pointed at my mum's head, his own daughter, just to take a picture to send me. He was bluffing at the time, but I didn't know him. My mother always said he was a dangerous and cruel man. He was described to me as being the head of the mob in Italy. As far as I knew, his threats were genuine, so I gave in to his demand. I went into the tent to say goodbye to you that night. I wanted to tell you everything, but Cody reasoned with me not to. I would have put you in his line of fire; he would have used you as well."

I was beyond pissed. Unable to contain my anger any longer, I broke my silence.

"You chose for me instead. Lied to my face. You went into that tent, f****d me, and left. I really believed it was urgent. I was so worried about you for weeks. Heartbroken that you didn't even say goodbye, and you didn't answer my calls." He got up from the sofa at my words, walking to the fire with his hands on his head.

"It wasn't like that. I... I was afraid, and I f****d up. I should have spoken to you immediately, but you were so happy I couldn't do it. We made love together. I didn't just f**k you."

"Yeah. Try to wake up alone with a note beside you after knowing someone for a week."

He turned around, and walked to me, kneeling beside me on the floor.

"I know it's unforgivable. I can't even comprehend what you've been through. I am sorry, Miriam."

He pleaded, taking my hands in his.

How am I supposed to do that?