Save Me

It had been a while since I had thought about that afternoon on my clifftop. Maybe years. So much had happened since that day, so much hurt, so much pain, so much loss, so thinking about something trivial such as that day hadn't even crossed my mind. But suddenly this memory was washing over me like the waves at the bottom of the cliff. The memory of that day on her clifftop crosses my mind almost daily. That was the day. I mean 14-year-old me had no clue. But looking back now, that was the day. That was the day that my world changed, the day that my world centered, the day I found my radiant, blinding Sun, to which I would revolve around obediently. And for the past 18 months, that day has plagued my thoughts, how did I not see it? How was I so blind? Would things have been different had I of known then what that day meant for me? Would I be standing here today a better man, a more deserving, worthy man? It had been a Sunday afternoon near the end of the summer holidays, I had had my 9th birthday party the weekend before. "Lunch is ready!" my mother's cheery voice floated through my open bedroom door. I was reading a book that I had received for my birthday, with that my belly growled and I pushed the bookmark into the book, marking my current page. I jumped off my bed with a gentle thud and skipped down the stairs, tripping at the bottom. I pushed my hands out in front of me to break my fall, only to land straight onto Flint, my brother, knocking his Xbox controller from his hand and smashing into several pieces on the wooden floor. We didn't have a lot in common, mainly due to the 5-year age gap, but also because Flint had a fiery personality, he was quick to anger and often loud with his thoughts and opinions. Despite that he was a loving and protective brother most of the time, he just couldn't hold his temper or his tongue. "Oi you little brat, look what you've done!" His tone was harsh as he bent to the floor examining the pieces "you've ruined it!" Steadying myself on the banister I began to apologize, "I'm so sorry Flint, it was an accident, I fell..." "You stupid b***h, you're going to pay for this!" he cut me off and I flinched at his words. I was used to him swearing, it came with his age, but this was the first time he had aimed any of them at me. "FLINT CARTER JAMES! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER LIKE THAT. YOU APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANCE!" Mum had come storming out of the kitchen, dark brown eyes glaring at him, hands on her hips. Her chocolate brown hair pulled up into a messy bun, showing off the sun-kissed tan that wasn't currently hidden behind her bright purple yoga pants and top. "But mum she broke my Xbox controller, all because she is a clumsy b***h and didn't watch where she was going!" he protested. I'm not sure why, but my eyes filled with tears, maybe it was the hatred in his voice, maybe it was the words he used, but the tears were threatening to overspill and stain my cheeks. "FLINT CARTER JAMES! CALL HER THAT ONE MORE TIME AND NOT ONLY WILL I REMOVE THE XBOX, YOU WILL BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH, WITHOUT ALLOWANCE!" her glare didn't waver in the slightest, but I couldn't hold the tears back any longer, so I rushed past them both towards the kitchen, pushing past a large dark animate object and out into the garden. I could still hear mum yelling at him, but I could no longer decipher what she was saying, the first tears streamed down my cheeks. I walked straight through the row of trees at the bottom of our garden and hopped over the garden fence. Home hadn’t felt like home in years, in fact I don’t think I can ever remember that place feeling like home, which is why most of my days were spent at the James’ house. And this was just another weekend at the James’ crashing in Flints room. I thought I was f****d up, I thought I had issues, but Flint had been losing his cool more frequently. I mean usually when we were out and some jerks were throwing their weight about, I was the one egging him on, I was the one turning the clogs until we ended up in a brawl with the twits. And 9 times out of 10 we won. But that temper of his had been firing at the wrong people, usually Mrs James and his kid sister, Thea. And that was something that just didn’t sit right with me, I’m f****d up and have twisted thoughts and views on life and all that s**t, but seriously Flint didn’t and still doesn’t realise just how f*****g lucky he is. At that moment I had my head in the fridge when Flint’s angry voice shook through the house, he was shouting and swearing at little Thea. I stood routed to the spot, this wasn’t my house, this wasn’t my family, and I honestly didn’t know what to do, but Mrs James was hot on his tail scolding him. I don’t remember what was said, but this little flurry of a person rushed past me and out into the back yard. Mrs James and Flint were still arguing somewhere out in the hall, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from the back doors, where I watched as Thea flung herself into the treeline at the bottom of the garden. This feeling to follow her overpowered every thought I had, and before I knew it, I too was climbing the wall hidden by the trees. It was a beautiful day; the sun was high in the bright blue cloudless sky. This was my clifftop. At the back of our garden, there was a small, secluded stretch of the clifftop, that wasn't accessible from anywhere other than our back garden. The grass up here was wild and lush green, with sprinkles of white and lilac flowers all over the place. I took a few steps forward into the grass and took a seat cross-legged so that I could see the line where the light blue sky meets the dark turquoise sea. Only when I was here did I let the sobs that were building inside of me burst. I was hurt, I knew Flint had a fiery temper, and that words often exploding from his mouth without thinking,  I mean his name literally means sparks of fire. I just thought that being his little sister that I would be immune to his outburst, but obviously not. A soft crunching sound had me wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. A dark solid figure dropped themselves to my right, so close that every inch of my side was touching theirs, but I refused to look at them, instead, I gazed out to the sea over to my left watching the seagulls dart down and then scoop back up. A warm but rough hand tugged on my chin pulling my gaze from the sea to a pair of startling green eyes. "Hey, why the tears?" his voice was soft and silky, I had heard him many a time, sweet-talk my mum, but I wasn't fooled. He may be able to charm his way with my parents, and just about anyone else for that matter, but I knew he wasn't the sweet-talking boy everyone thought him to be. "Does it matter?" my voice was sour, and I was shocked as it left my mouth, but I couldn't help it. For just a moment I swear I could see the hurt in his eyes, but he was a master at disguise. I pulled my face from his gentle grip and looked back out to sea. "It matter's to me." He may have been able to hide the hurt from his eyes but this time he had slipped up, the hurt was evident in his voice, and I turned my gaze back to him. "Your best friend is an arse." this time I removed the sourness from my voice. "He doesn't mean any of it, I promise" "Then why say it? Why say something hurtful to someone if you don't mean it?" my voice was pleading. "Oh, Sunshine, your still so young, there is so much your yet to understand. What he says isn't about you...it's about him. And it's something he doesn't quite understand yet. Apparently, it's all about growing up." his voice was soft. As he spoke, I couldn't help but notice his Italian-Bad-Boy looks. His dark hair that was spiked up, his dark olive skin, those green heart-stopping eyes, and then his signature black dress-code; A loose fitted black tee with black fitted jeans. Ethan was my brother's best friend; they had been inseparable since they started high school. But when Ethan's father left nearly a year later, he practically moved in with us. He would sleep at our house several times a week and was nearly always round for dinner. "Sunshine?" I questioned him, puzzled. "Seriously that is what you took away from that? The fact I called you Sunshine?" he chuckled, and it was warm and comforting. "Well, are you going to explain yourself?" I was totally confused. "Do you know what Thea means?" "Thea is the Greek Goddess of the Sun, Dawn, and Moon" Mum had told me so many times that she named us based on our personalities, and the name Thea had a sensitive and artistic image, and I was defiantly sensitive. "You are my Sunshine Thea, It doesn't matter how bad my day may have been, you spread warmth and sunshine wherever you go, no matter who you meet, no matter how undeserving they may be. You hold no prejudice and treat us all as deserving." yes his voice was warm and silky, but it was also sincere and honest. He raised his hand from his leg and wipe my face clean from any remaining tears. There she sat in a sea of wild grass and flowers with her back to me, looking out across her clifftop to the deep sea. I closed the space between us and sank into the sea of grass beside. So close that my entire left side was brushed up against her. She ignored me, looking out to the sea. The silence was eating away at me, and the fact that she deliberately turned her head away from me was making the tension worse. As if acting of it’s own accord my fingers tugged at her chin so that those dark chocolate eyes filled with unshed tears looked up at me. “Hey why the tears?” Suddenly my voice was my own, the words spilled from them like I had no filter. "Does it matter?” her voice was sour, and I wasn’t ready for how much that distaste in her words stabbed at me. Her face pulled away from my gentle grip and the loss of touch, though minor and innocent was another stab. "It matter's to me." And although I tried not to show the hurt, I was feeling, I failed, miserably. "Your best friend is an arse." "He doesn't mean any of it, I promise" "Then why say it? Why say something hurtful to someone if you don't mean it?" her voice was pleading with me. And this need to make her feel better, this need to put a smile on her face filled me, like nothing I have ever felt before.   "Oh, Sunshine, your still so young, there is so much your yet to understand. What he says isn't about you...it's about him. And it's something he doesn't quite understand yet. Apparently, it's all about growing up.” I wasn’t sure what I was saying, or where it was coming from, but the need to protect her, to make her feel better was fuelling speech. "Sunshine?" she quizzed. "Seriously that is what you took away from that? The fact I called you Sunshine?" I couldn’t help but chuckle at her. Thea and I hadn’t spent much time just the two of us before now but when it was just us, I could be Ethan. The real Ethan, not the one that is hiding behind the walls I created. "Well, are you going to explain yourself?" Thea mused. "Do you know what Thea means?" "Thea is the Greek Goddess of the Sun, Dawn, and Moon” Thea reeled it off in this bored tone, like she had heard it many times before. "You are my Sunshine Thea, It doesn't matter how bad my day may have been, you spread warmth and sunshine wherever you go, no matter who you meet, no matter how undeserving they may be. You hold no prejudice and treat us all as deserving." These words just slipped from my mouth without warning, without thought. It was true, Thea may be Flint’s kid sister, but in the past 3 years she had become my kid sister too. The only person who could see through the walls that I had built to protect myself, was little Thea, maybe that was why I could be the real me with her. Because sweet, innocent little Thea saw the façade I had made, and held no judgments.