Ember

15 - This is my time

Ember

“I am so proud of you, Ember,” I smile at my mom as she takes my hand in hers. “You’re doing something others can only dream about.”

As soon as I dropped my bag at the hotel, I came over to my parent’s house to see Mom. I figured I’d say goodbye now. That way, I could spend tomorrow locked in my hotel room. It’ll be the last chance I get for some privacy. Plus, I can cry this hurt out of me and put it to rest. Well, so the theory goes.

I’ve been fighting the need to scream and cry since I left the apartment I once shared with Lydia. I won’t cry because I’m stronger than that. I will save my tears until I’m alone.

I hate feeling like this. I hurt everywhere, and I can’t make it stop. I have tried to push what happened to the back of my mind, but I’m failing. I don’t know what to do other than keep moving forward. But it’s easier said than done.

I can hide my pain from those around me. It’s not as hard as I imagined it would be. However, I don’t know how long I can do that. I pray I can keep it at bay until I leave town.

The only problem is that my heart is broken, and I don’t know how to fix myself. To be lied to and cheated on by the two people you love most in the world is a bitter pill to swallow.

Is running away the best thing?

Am I running or chasing my dream?

“Am I doing the right thing, Mom?”

I don’t want to second guess myself, but I’m not sure I’m doing what’s best for me. Sure, I want to run away because being around Lydia and Toby will be hard.

But is that the only reason I said yes to Colin?

Am I making a massive mistake?

I can’t deny that the open road and meeting new people is appealing. It’s more than appealing, actually. But something is stopping me from wanting to take that leap.

Don’t do this to yourself, Ember. You wanted to say yes the moment Colin asked you to join the band. This thing with Lydia and Toby just gave you the push you needed.

True. The moment Colin mentioned me joining Dun’s Dungeon, even though I laughed it off, I wanted to be part of the band. The idea of seeing all those cities and towns and playing music to hundreds, maybe even thousands of people, was like a dream come true.

I have spent my whole life in this town, never going anywhere, and I didn’t mind that. I love this place, my family, and the MC. But now, I want more. I want to be someone my family can be proud of. Okay, they are already proud of me, but I could be someone worth knowing.

Mom cups my cheek and smiles. “You know, I’ve asked myself that question a few times in my life. Am I doing the right thing? It became my mantra for many years until I realized I couldn’t keep second-guessing myself.

“Many things in life are scary, Ember, especially taking a leap when it comes to our dreams. All I’ve ever wanted for you and your brother is happiness. I used to second-guess myself on many things when it came to the two of you. Sometimes, I’d wonder if what I was doing was right for you both,”

“Mom,” I take both of her hands in mine. “You gave Michael and me the best childhood any mother could. You and Dad,” I chuckle. “We couldn’t have asked for better parents. You nurtured all of our dreams and supported us in everything we did. When I wanted to learn the violin, you encouraged me to do so. Hell, every instrument I wanted to play, you told me never to give up because you knew I could do it.”

“And you did,” She smiles. “The best instrument you have is your voice, Ember. Colin and his friends believe in you almost as much as your dad and I do. There’s a big world out there, baby, and it’s just waiting for you, my shining star.”

I laugh as a tear falls from my eye, which Mom wipes away with her thumb. Ever since before I can even remember, my mom has called me her shining star. This woman showed me unconditional love and never asked for anything in return. No matter who my mother is outside of this house, she will always mean everything to me.

“Don’t doubt yourself, Ember. You’re going to be brilliant. I just know it.”

I nod my head and let my mother hold me. Nova Marshall isn’t one for hugging, so I cherish the times when she wants to hold me. Don’t get me wrong, she hugged me all the time when I was a child, but as I got older, those hugs weren’t as many. Mom doesn’t like to be touched unless she initiates it, though I don’t think my brother ever got the memo. He’ll hug Mom whether she wants it or not, and it always makes me laugh.

“Hey, you,” I pull away from my mom and smile at my brother. “Dad says you joined a band, and you’ll be leaving soon.”

“That’s right,” I get to my feet and stand in front of him. “I’ll be gone for three months.”

Eagle raises his eyebrow with a smile on his face. “And soon, your face will be plastered all over the place.”

I nod my head and laugh.

“Dad spoke with Jett and the others. He let everyone know that you’re leaving and who you’re leaving with.”

“Was Jett angry?”

Eagle chuckles and shakes his head. “No, he just wants you to be happy. Dad explained that you were worried the world would find out about us. Don’t worry, Ember, it will only drive you crazy. The club can protect itself, that I promise you. You deserve to be happy, sis.”

I hope so. I don’t know what I’ll do if anyone finds out who the Snakes are and what they get up to. Motorcycle clubs get a bad enough rep as it is. Most of what people say is true, but that’s not the point.

“I’ll miss you while you’re gone.”

“I’ll miss you too,” I take his hand in mine.

Eagle and I have always had an incredibly close relationship. I still remember when he was born and how Dad helped me hold Michael in my tiny arms. I loved my brother so much, and that will never change.

“Enjoy every moment, Ember. Sing your heart out, laugh, live, and don’t you, for one second, ever doubt your decision to leave. We all love you, Ember. Don’t you ever forget that.”

I should have known my brother would read my mind.

I nod my head and walk into his arms. “I love you, too.”

No matter how much pain I’m in right now, I won’t let Lydia and Toby take this opportunity from me. I’m going to enjoy the ride for however long it lasts. This is my time, and I will live every moment as though it were my last.