Ember

4 - Unwanted attention

Ember

Marco Russo is not as bad as Colin made him out to be. Sure, he’s cock.y and full of himself, but I can see past all of that. It’s not hard to see that Marco wears a mask to hide his pain. I’m not sure what or who hurt him in the past, but someone or something did. The man he shows people every day is not the man he is inside. I see past the facade, but then I’ve always been able to read people. To a degree, at least.

When Marco said that he’d read my notebook, I was pissed for a second or two there. No one is meant to read my song lyrics; they’re private. But I realize that if I am to write songs for Dun’s Dungeon, my lyrics will no longer be private. The whole world will hear my words, sung by Marco Russo.

I accepted Marco’s apology because I could see he meant it, and that meant a lot to me. It was further proof that he’s not the asshole I was led to believe. I could also see that Marco wanted to get into my panties. It’s not hard to notice when a man wants your body. I just hope Marco will respect the fact I’m with someone.

I won’t lie, the man is as sex.y as hell, and if I weren’t with Toby, I’d find it pretty damn hard not to want to be under Marco. However, I am with Toby, and cheating on him is not something I’d even contemplate.

If I were to join the band, Marco’s wanting to sleep with me could be a problem. I guess I’d have to lay down some ground rules and hope Marco could stick to them.

Get a grip, Ember. Even if your family were okay with you going, Toby never would be, and you know it. The man walks all over you, tells you what you can and can’t do, and you let him. When did you become such a doormat?

I’m not a doormat; I just don’t like upsetting Toby. He’s a good man, but sometimes, he can be hard on me. He doesn’t like it when others take advantage of me, and… I know that there are many red flags in our relationship, and people would call me stupid, but it’s not all bad. Toby has never laid hands on me, probably because I would kill him for even thinking about it! But he can be a little too verbal sometimes, not that I let him get away with it, but sometimes, I don’t have the energy to argue with him.

I got home after leaving Colin’s, hoping to take a hot shower, eat something, and get an early night. It’s been a long day. I did a six-hour shift at the veterinary surgery where I work, then spent a couple of hours with Colin and Marco, and now I’m exhausted. I should have known it was wishful thinking.

When I moved into the apartment Draven Vidal bought for his daughter, I never thought I’d be a babysitter for my best friend. Lydia Vidal is a law unto herself. She cares about nothing and does just what she wants, and damn the consequences. I sometimes wonder if Lydia is on a mission to destroy herself. Between the drugs, the booze, and all the men she sleeps with, I’m scared I’ll come home and find her dead sooner rather than later.

Take right now, for instance, Lydia has very obviously taken something, though she swears blindly that she hasn’t. Like I would believe her.

How can she lie to my face so easily?

I wasn’t born yesterday, and I can see that she’s taken cocaine.

“Here, drink this.” I hand Lydia a glass of water. I don’t want her to dehydrate. She’s sweating from where she’s been dancing around. God only knows what else she’s been up to while I was out.

I wish I knew how she ended up like this. Lydia has always rebelled, and I guess that has a lot to do with her father being a Mafia Don. I never understood it, though, because Lydia is Daddy’s little princess and can do no wrong in his eyes.

Why rebel if you don’t even get in trouble for it?

“I love you,” She looks at me, glassy-eyed.

“I love you, too.”

I wish I knew what haunted my best friend. It hurts my heart to know she’s so obviously in pain. As I said, she’s always been the wild one, the party girl. However, she’s gotten so much worse over the past couple of months.

“I didn’t take drugs, Ember, I promise. I took painkillers ‘cause I had a headache. I don’t think they agreed with me.”

I want to believe what she’s saying, but the fact is, I don’t. I know that makes me a bad friend, but how can I believe someone who lies to me regularly? She lies about where she’s been, how much she drinks, and now about the drugs I know she’s taken. I don’t know; maybe she is telling the truth. I just don’t know what to believe any longer.

I tuck her dark hair behind her ear, and she shocks the hell out of me by leaning in and kissing me. I instinctively push her away from me. “What the hell, Lydia?”

“Don’t be shy, Ember.” She mumbles around another kiss to my lips.

I push her away from me again. “Lydia, stop!” I swallow hard. “What’s gotten into you? I’m with Toby, Lydia.”

“And you think he’s not out there with someone else? Do you honestly believe you’re the only stupid bitc.h he’s fuckin.g? You’re not. He’s out there making promises to other women and telling them he loves them, just as he is with you.”

I narrow my eyes and bite my lower lip. I hate it when Lydia says things like this about Toby. Trust me; this isn’t the first time Lydia has told me that Toby is cheating on me. When she’s drunk or high, Lydia can be venomous, even toward me. Of course, when she’s sober again, she doesn’t remember saying any such thing.

It used to hurt a lot more than it does now.

When I mentioned it to Toby, he told me to ignore Lydia and that people don’t mean what they say when they’re drunk and high. He said that I shouldn’t take it to heart and to remember that Lydia has demons she’s finding hard to fight.

It’s not like I can forget; I just wish I knew what those demons were. If I could get Lydia to open up, then maybe she could move on from what hurts her and have a better life than the one she’s living. This self-destructive mode she’s in isn’t doing her any favors. I wish she wouldn’t hide things from me. We’re best friends, and best friends should never keep secrets.

Who better to confide in than your best friend?

Lydia touches her hand to my face. “Why are you fighting this? I know you want me as much as I want you.” Again, she kisses me.

What will it take for her to understand that I don’t want this?

“Lydia, don’t. We can’t do this. Not just because I don’t like you that way, but we’re family.” Her dad is my cousin, which makes us blood-related! Even if I did swing that way, it would be beyond wrong.

I take her hands from my face.

I’ve written many songs about Lydia and the things she gets herself into. Those songs will never see the light of day because she’d kill me. Every other day, I write a song inspired by my best friend. Hell, today’s antics will make for a good song.

Lydia reaches for me again, taking my hand in hers. “There’s nothing wrong in taking what you want, Ember.”

“I’m with someone, Lydia, and you don’t even seem to care. I’m not this person, and I will not cheat on Toby with you or anyone else.”

“He won’t find out from me, but I know you’ll tell him. He loves you enough to forgive you.” She moves closer, her hands on my face. “I want you so badly that I ache everywhere.”

“Are you willing to ruin our friendship over this?”

We’ve been through everything together. School, boys, college, and the fact people bullied me because of my family. Lydia would beat the crap out of those people for it, boys and girls. Not that I needed her to; I could stand up for myself, but Lydia never could let me deal with anyone myself. She thought it was her job to protect me, just as it was her job to protect her twin sister. I let her because she was my best friend, and it made her happy to think she was stronger than me. I know if I gave in to her right now, Lydia would wake up in the morning and carry on as if nothing happened.

Me?

I’d crumble, and my life would never be the same. I was raised to believe that relationships were sacred. My mom always said no one could help who they fell in love with. Sometimes, people fall in love with others and give in to their urges. Mom warned me that if I ever got married and I happened to fall in love with someone who wasn’t my husband, then I wasn’t to act on it until my marriage was over; same with any relationship I find myself in.

I’m not in love with Lydia by any means, but I don’t want to hurt her. But I can’t do this with her; it would ruin everything. I have nothing against lesbians or bisexual individuals, but I am not that way inclined. I don’t find women sexuall.y attractive.

Lydia’s problem is that she’s used to getting her own way. Lydia has something about her that draws people to her, men and women. Everybody wants her, and no one denies her. I’ll deny Lydia because I don’t want this.

“I would never hurt you, Ember. You must know that. I love you.” She presses her forehead to mine. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Lydia, you’re my best friend, and I wish more than anything I knew how to make you happy. But this isn’t the way.”

It hurts my heart to know she’s in pain. I don’t know what she’s hiding from me, but it’s something Lydia feels she can’t talk to me about. I, of all people, and my best friend can’t talk to me. That hurts like hell.

Lydia slides her hand into my hair and pulls me to her. “You’re so beautiful.”

I huff because it’s like we take one step forward and three back. Lydia is so high that nothing I’m saying is registering in her mind.

I grab her hands and pull her away from me. “Lydia, stop!” She reaches for me, but I pull back.

What the hell is wrong with this woman?

Has she lost her damn mind?

Lydia turns away from me, pushes her fingers into her long, dark hair, and lets out a frustrated breath. “I know you want me, Ember. Why do you pretend like you don’t?”

“Lydia, for Christ’s sake! I am not sexuall.y attracted to you. Yes, we could share a kiss, but I’d instantly regret it, and so would you. Sweetheart, whatever you’ve taken is making you think like this. But deep down, you know it’s not right.”

“So, you’re just gonna go to him? Leave me like I’m nothing to you?”

I’m a little startled by her outburst. I’m used to Lydia blowing up at any little thing. She’s a highly-strung person, angry most of the time, but this is something else.

“Yes, I’m going to Toby’s to give you time to cool down. When I get home, I don’t want to talk about this. I never want to talk about this again. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, but this is how it has to be.”

She hangs her head. “Just go, Ember, I’m embarrassed enough as it is. I’m sorry. I really am.”

I wipe a tear from my eye. I want to comfort Lydia and tell her that everything will be okay. But deep down inside of me, I don’t know if they ever will be.

“You need help, Lydia. Whatever you’re hiding inside of you is killing you slowly. I love you, and nothing will ever change that, but you will never be happy until you let it out.” I don’t look back as I leave Lydia’s room. I have to tell Toby what happened. I can’t keep this from him. I just hope he understands that nothing happened. Toby can be very jealous sometimes, and it causes massive arguments between us. I don’t have the energy for that tonight.

You know how this will end, Ember. You know you should leave it until tomorrow, but you’re stupid and won’t.