A Thousand Paths to Ruin

I never knew that living could be so mind numbingly painful. The course sheets touching my skin, the quiet movement of the healers around me, the aching emptiness in my belly that should still be round with life...but isn't anymore. The knowledge the healers had to divulge that I will never grow that life again rings through my mind like an insistent bell everytime I let it get too quiet. I close my eyes simply to stop seeing the same empty ceiling, only to open them again to escape the horror waiting behind my eyes. I have spent the last several days in this bed, having my dressings changed, my wounds cleaned, my vitals monitored. The manage my physical pain, and my emotional pain is something I put under check myself. I feel nothing...and feeling nothing is so much better than what I felt when I woke in this place to find that my child was gone, that I would never hold her in my arms, that I would never here her laugh. I lost her...I lost... No. I won't think of it. I can not let myself think of it. Not until I know the answer to the request I submitted. The enrollment Supervisor sent correspondence that she would come speak to me in person today. I'll know if I can give in to despair or not after speaking to her. Far beyond the walls of the healers institue, a dragon calls out. Dragons. The majestic and powerful creatures that few capable candidates can bond to and receive access to unique magical abilities in return...and that was my request. To apply to the Rider's Academy for a chance to bond to a dragon. Not because I am particularly confident to survive long enough to do so...but because if I can, then I will be bonded to something that I will never have to lose before the end of my life and if I dont...well then I won't be separated from my- No! I tell myself once again. Don't think about that. Not yet, not now. There will be time for that later, but not right now. The Commander overseeing enrollment will have enough reasons to reject my request. I will not give her another by crying. The far door finally opens to reveal the healer who has been in charge of overseeing my recovery, followed by a severe looking woman with silver grey hair pulled back in a very tight bun. Her uniforms are are so dark grey they are nearly black, and her insignia identifies her as the woman I have been waiting for three days to speak to. Commander Elspeth Marrow, the woman in charge of processing applications. When the healers told her I wanted to enroll and described my condition she insisted she would not accept any application until she spoke to me first. "Layla Arden, I understand you want to apply to join the dragon riders academy." She gets straight to the point. I appreciate that even though she is looking at me without bothering to hide doubt. "Yes," I say, my voice weak and her eyes tighten. "Well, I reviewed your medical chart and did some preliminary back ground search. You are still recovering from extensive injuries you sustained. You also have no relevant training background that is typically expected of any candidate we consider." her eyes and voice soften. "I am aware of what you've been through and I know what you have lost..have you considered the implications of joining? You wouldn't see your..remaining family until your 3rd year, and letters are not permitted until you complete your first. After what has happened, I feel they should have a say in this." "With all do respect Commander Marrow, I am an adult...and this is my decision." She closes her eyes looking momentarily exasperated. "Child, I can not in good concious approve for you to join in your current condition." "Then I will improve my condition." "Do you not hear yourself?" she says, concern creeping into her eyes. "Forgive my candid words but honestly Miss Arden. It's beginning to sound like you have a death wish." She stops abruptly, hearing too late the harsh cruelty her words ddo not intend. "I am sorry, please forgive-" "I have nothing to live for." I say, cutting off her words. They didn't hurt me, and they weren't entirely wrong. "I have lost...everything that gives my life meaning...and there is nothing waiting for me where I came from... please..." a single tear betrays my earlier resolve but I continue "I am not asking for your complete confidence... but I am asking...begging... for the chance to find something worth living for now..." My words stun her, and it takes her considerably longer than I would have expected for her to form a response. "Well, that was a very convining arguement...however, it does not change-" She is cut off by another voice. another louder and more powerful voice whose authority feels absolute. It moves through the room with no source, and is accompanied by the loud thunder of a dragons call. "I claim this human, Layla Arden as my chosen rider, I declare it before the gods and earth. My decision is final and I will accept no challenge to my claim." Commander Marrow's face goes pale before silence finally settles, and I am left stunned into silence, not quiet able to comprehend what has just happened. She swallows as she slowly stands. "Well then, it is out of my hands." she straightens the shirt of her uniform before looking at me. "I will bring the proper paper work to process your enrollment." "But..you haven't even let me submit an application." "And an application is no longer necessary...you have been chosen. By the letter of the law all those chosen even if they have not previously been enrolled must attend the dragon riders academy, regardless if they are deemed fit to by command. We can not overrule a dragons authority... Congradulations... Trainee...I hope you are prepared for what comes next."