Renewed

"What if this breaks me?"

“This is kind of hilarious for me.” Mila watched as I reapplied my make-up for the fifth time.

“Shut up.”

“No seriously,” She poked me playfully only to be met with yet another glare. “You always give me so much grief for wanting to perfect my make-up when I go out and look at us now, oh how the tables have turned.”

She was right. On any given night out, I wouldn’t be bothering too much with my appearance and I’d slip on the easiest dress I could find in my wardrobe and we’d be on our way, but not tonight. Not when I was about to reintroduce Julissa to the nightlife of our little town. 

Since giving her my number, we’d been in constant communication. Every day she’d update me on how her day went, sometimes filling me in on how her therapy appointment went, other times simply keeping idle conversation. 

I felt this sense of appreciation at the knowledge that she’d chosen me to be the person she confided in but I also understood she didn’t exactly have anyone else aside from her mother. There was a part of me that kept reminding me that I was the default option. There wasn’t another and so she was settling for me. 

She’d argue it, I knew that. But would she be right? That was up for debate. 

Needless to say, the more we spoke, the more addictive she became. The more I saw her, the more I wanted to see her more. It was like the small portions of time just didn’t quite amount to enough, I wanted days. I wanted days that stretched beyond twenty-four hours with her, to discover her mind, to learn everything there was to know about what made her happy, unhappy, angry, sad, all of it. I wanted to know it all. 

Mila was right, she was a case but she was a case like no other. Julissa was the kind of case that wormed its way into your heart and stuck. She lived in mine now and she lived in my mind as if she belonged there.

There wasn’t a day that passed that I didn’t think about her, that I didn’t wonder what she was doing in that exact moment I’d be thinking about her. She was so very there. Like before, when I thought she was following me, now I knew she was. Though she had no idea. She had no idea how very there she was. 

“Come on, we’re gonna be late.” Mila reminded me. “Chelsea is saving us a spot in line but we’re gonna miss her if we take any longer.”

She was right and I knew the lines at this time of night could be daunting, it was the very last thing I wanted Julissa to endure. 

With that in mind, I finally gave myself one last look over before sighing and deciding it would be the best I could do for the night. 

“You’re an i***t,” My housemate scoffed. “You look so hot, I’m convinced I’m in love again.”

Rolling my eyes at her words, I led us out of the bathroom and made sure to check that Mrs. Ginger had water and some biscuits to hold her over until the morning.

“Do me a favour?” I looked to Mila as she drew my attention to her. “Have fun tonight, don’t be too stuck up on what Jules is doing or if I’m okay, just...enjoy yourself.”

Of course she’d ask this of me. I wasn’t exactly known for relaxing. Any time Mila and I went out, I was the mom friend, making sure everyone made it home in one piece or holding back hair when their heads were buried in a toilet bowl. 

She called us a car and ten minutes later we were parked outside of Julissa’s house. I insisted on meeting our new friend at the door because I knew her mom would want to have some final words with me before we went out. It was warranted. She needed some verbal reassurance that her daughter would come back with her mind intact. 

And in truth, it wasn’t a lot to ask.

I waited after knocking on the door and ran a hand through my hair in an attempt to tame it but I knew it was pointless. My hair had always been a mess of waves that flowed down my back. Mila always envied it while I would give just about anything to have her long, silky-smooth locks. 

The door opened and I didn’t quite have the time to prepare myself for her but I think even if I did somehow anticipate her to look that breathtaking, I wouldn’t have been able to mask my reaction any better. 

“Holy s**t,” I spoke softly, words leaving my lips without consent but I didn’t hate them. No. They were perfect. Because holy s**t, she took my breath away. “Lissa, you-”

“I love your dress.” She cut me off, something she did often when all attention was focussed on her. She couldn’t work out how to respond to a compliment. 

“Thank you,” I rolled up the sleeves of my black dress until they reached my elbows. “Mila’s in the car.” I gestured to the ride behind me. 

Her mother made her presence known in that moment and met my eyes, a warning in them that spoke of a thousand curses and endless hours of torture if there were so much as a hair out of place with her daughter. 

“I’ll have her back to you in one piece.” I assured her mom. “If we’re out too late, she can stay at my place.”

“Home,” Melanie shook her head. “She comes home. I’ll be up.”

“Mom-”

“I’ll be up.” The mother reiterated and I knew we couldn’t argue with her any further.

I offered her a nod and only then did she seem to look somewhat at ease, though I knew she wouldn’t have any peace of mind until Julissa walked back through her front door. And I was more than a little determined to be the one escorting her back home, proving myself to be trustworthy to the older woman before me. 

I led my new friend over to the car where Mila greeted her with an over-exaggerated hug that had Julissa a giggling mess. 

I opted to take the front seat, watching as Mila interacted playfully with our new friend, her eyes glimmering with that familiar mischief and I knew what she was saying to Julissa couldn’t be good. And when their eyes turned to me, I knew exactly what the subject was. 

I tipped my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes for a moment, allowing a small smile to touch my lips because something about the night screamed possibilities and I was more than a little ready to embrace exactly that. 

It wasn’t long before we were pulling up in front of the club and it took only a moment for Mila to catch her friend in the line, slipping in with her and managing to annoy everyone else behind us but she paid them no mind. 

I felt Julissa’s arm link with mine and turned to see her eyes dancing with excitement. This was all new to her again, this was something she’d yet to experience and I thought back to my first night out. 

I was still in high school, I’d acquired a fake ID and my friends were eager to put them to use. We ended up at a dingy bar that had a band playing, the name of which we had no idea, but they were fun and lively and we’d danced that night for hours, the drinks flowing through us freely and leaving us with very little inhibitions. I remember kissing my best friend and feeling her hands run through my hair. I remember her turning to her boyfriend and kissing him and then smiling over to me as we all danced together, a freedom to be as wild and limitless as we wanted to be. 

It was a good night.

It was all lights and music and smiling and I wanted that for Julissa. I wanted the shackles of what happened to her to shatter at her feet and allow her the freedom to be just...her. 

We made it inside and Mila led us over to the bar as Chelsea introduced herself to Julissa, yelling over the music and I decided to stick to the back of the group, watching as Julissa took Chelsea’s offered hand, allowing her new friend to pull her closer to the bar. 

“Shots!” Mila yelled as she turned to us with said drinks spilling between her fingers. 

I almost protested but Julissa took the drink without hesitation and tipped it back, swallowing with a confidence that I didn’t know she had. Of course, after feeling the burn of the drink, she gagged for a moment, scrunching her face up and eliciting a round of chuckles from the rest of us. I made my way over to the bar and ordered her something lighter, hoping to wash away the taste of Mila’s bad idea. 

She sidled up beside me, her eyes enthralled by the array of bottles lining the wall of the bar, by the lights dancing off the back mirror until her eyes found our reflections and I had to smile at her as her smile found me. And she looked beautiful. 

With the blue, purple and red lights blending into a rainbow around her, she looked like a dream. 

I paid for her drink and handed it to her, forcing myself to look away from my new fascination because I knew I needed to hold some form of control over my racing heart. 

She took a hesitant sip of the drink I ordered for her and after a moment she offered me a thankful smile to which I shrugged, turning to order my own bourbon and then leading us to the table Mila and Chelsea happened to find for us. 

“God, the women here are-” Mila made a chef’s kiss. “Perfection.”

“I want to dance.” Chelsea was bouncing with excitement, her platinum blonde hair reflecting every colour in the room. She looked to Julissa eagerly. “Let’s dance.”

“I don’t know how to dance.” My new friend chuckled softly, ducking her head, hiding that smile once more. 

“No one does, they just do it,” And Chelsea was up, offering her hand to Julissa. 

Julissa looked to me with questions in her eyes but, again, I simply shrugged, smiling encouragingly and took a sip from my drink. 

I watched as Chelsea pulled my new friend away from the table and into the small crowd of bodies dancing in front of the DJ. Julissa looked more than a little uncomfortable but Chelsea took both her hands and guided her into a rhythm, showing her how to move her body to the beat booming around the room. 

Moments later, Julissa was dancing. 

She wasn’t the best dancer but her smile grew wider and I knew she was having fun. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her, something about the way she fell so perfectly into the rhythm, how she allowed her body to simply sway and move without any hesitation...it was beautiful. She was throwing caution to the wind as she danced, tipping her head back and laughing freely.

“Maybe she’s not just a case?” Mila caught my attention though I couldn’t look away from Julissa if I tried.

“No,” I shook my head. “She’s not just a case.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Mila drew my eyes over to her only to gesture back to our new friend. “Chelsea isn’t the one she should be dancing with.”

“What if this breaks me?” I finally allowed my fear to be voiced to my best friend.

“What if it doesn’t?”