Renewed

"I signed up for you."

Sitting in the car driving back to her place, her hand stayed fastened to mine though her eyes stayed glued to the window, examining everything happening outside of the car. I wanted her to talk to me, I wanted to know what was running through her head but I recalled my own recognition of the fact that I loved women...it was a process. A process she was more than entitled to take on her own if need be. 

She knew I was there for her, she knew she was never alone in this. 

And as if sensing my thoughts, she turned to me with nerves shining in her eyes, something that tore at me a little. She’d never looked smaller.

“You’ve...been in relationships before?”

“Uh, yeah,” I frowned, not quite knowing what to expect from her. 

“I have,” She nodded, more to herself than to me. “I remember one in high school and then there was...him. I don’t remember it a lot.”

“It scares me that you will one day.” I confessed, because if the scar was any type of proof; I knew her past relationship was littered with violence. 

“That’s not-” She shook her head and began gnawing at her lip a little. “I don’t know how...good I am at them. Relationships, I mean.”

“I think it depends on the person you’re with.” I shrugged, because this wasn’t something I was concerned about. I didn’t think either of us were exactly experts at relationships and I didn’t expect us to be. 

“I-um-I want to take things slow, if that’s okay?” Her eyes dropped down, as if she were scared of how I’d react. 

“That’s perfectly okay,” I offered her a soft smile when she looked up and saw her eyes light up a little. “Lissa, I didn’t even expect us to...well...declare this anything, I guess. This is at your pace. Honestly just getting to hold your hand right now is more than enough for me.”

“You didn’t exactly sign up for...this.” She tapped her head, talking about her confused mind. 

“I signed up for you,” I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, right against her scar. “When I decided to be your friend, I signed up for you.”

She surprised me when she lifted her head up and let our lips meet for the second time that night, her lips lingering on mine longer than mine had lingered upon hers. 

I closed my eyes and let my smile break the kiss and she pulled away only for me to open my eyes to see her staring at me dumbfounded. 

“You like me.” She spoke the words as if they were completely new to her, like I hadn’t confessed to exactly that merely minutes ago. 

“Yeah, I do.” I nudged her, feeling her hand squeeze mine.

We stopped outside of her house at that exact moment and we both got out of the car.

“Are you coming in?” She was awkward as she asked.

“If you want-”

“Yes.” She spoke quickly and the blush that crept onto her face was instantly. “I mean, you don’t have to but I do...want you to.”

“You need to stop being this...awkward with me,” I put my finger up for a moment as I poked my head back into the car and told the driver he was fine to leave me here. I turned back to Julissa and took her hand, leading us both up to her house. “I’m just me, you know? Nothing to be nervous about with me.”

“You’re new,” She shrugged. “And now this...is new. Let me be nervous.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t fight the smile off my face as I knocked on her door, releasing her hand upon hearing her mother’s footsteps from inside and she gave me a thankful smile in return. I figured her accepting...us, was one thing, but asking her mother to do so on the same night was something completely different.

Melanie opened the door with surprise in her eyes.

“A girl hit on her and she got scared.” I offered as an explanation to our early return.

“I did not!” Julissa playfully shoved me with a feigned frown marring her forehead. “I felt bad.”

“She’s lying,” I shrugged to Melanie. “She was terrified. A cute girl interested in her? Unspeakable.” I watched the mother roll her eyes at my dramatics.

“We’re gonna watch movies here, is that okay?” Julissa decided to avert the conversation elsewhere.

“It’ll definitely calm my racing heart.” Melanie confessed, offering me a smile of gratitude. “Thanks for bringing her back in one piece and not a drunken mess.”

“I’d like to disclose that she’s a really bad influence,” I told the mother as we made our way into the house. “As soon as we got there, she was forcing shots down my throat.”

“I was not! Stop it!” Julissa shot me a glare only to receive a wink in return. “Besides, even if I did, it would be more interesting than just sitting around all sober at a booth.” She gave me a pointed look.

“Hey,” I put my hands up. “I was instructed to keep a sharp eye on you tonight,” I looked to Melanie who nodded. “Just doing my job.”

“You two are like two prison guards.” Julissa scoffed, slumping down onto the couch and crossing her arms looking very much like a child throwing a tantrum.

“She’s still your problem,” Melanie looked to me. “I’ll stake a claim again at sunrise, until then, you deal with that.”

“Cruel.” I mused with the mother before dropping down onto the couch beside Julissa, watching as Melanie made her way into her room.

As soon as her mother was out of sight, Julissa’s hand found mine but she continued flicking through channels without so much as offering me a glance.

“Mad at me?” I c****d a brow.

“You two get along too well and it’s at my expense.” She shot me a glare that I knew didn’t hold much weight to it. 

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, leaning my head against the side of her face for a moment. “Forgive me?”

I thought I’d have to fight her with it, but for the first time, I felt like maybe she felt the exact same connection as I did. Because she turned her head and instantly brought our lips together, clutching my face between her hands and kissing me deep and slow and with words I knew neither of couldn’t say yet.

She nodded as we kissed and I knew she was answering my question from before.

“I kinda really like doing that.” She spoke as we pulled away, her eyes still closed.

“Good, cause I think I’ll get used to it.” I kissed her cheek again before sitting back. 

We ended up settling on a ridiculous comedy that had me more focused on her and her laugh than the actual plot but once the movie was over, I thought it was time I made my way home. I was reluctant, of course, because the more time I spent with her, the more time I wished to spend with her. She was addictive. Her presence was addictive. 

She walked me to the door, slowly, and I assumed she was as reluctant for our time apart as I was. But upon finally making it to the door, I noticed a couple of unusual things that instantly began ringing alarm bells in my mind. 

Her mouth opened and closed as if she were trying to form words but all that was released were small, incoherent noises. A moment later a trickle of blood made its way down out of her nostril.

“Melanie!” I called out with urgency, catching Julissa as her body began to sway.

By the time the mother rushed out of her room, I was already on the phone to a hospital, giving me instructions on what to do and letting me know paramedics were on their way. 

Melanie crouched in front of her daughter as she laid limp in my arms, the blood still flowing freely and her mouth still trying to release words she couldn’t form. 

She clung to my arm in desperation as if somehow I could relieve her of these ailments but I had never felt more useless. Melanie held a coat to her daughters nose as it bled out, wiping her hair out of her face and I could see the tears fighting to be released in the mother’s eyes but she was nothing if not stubborn. She kept those tears at bay and I too decided mine would be no help in the situation. 

The paramedics arrived quicker than any of us expected and within minutes they had Julissa loaded into the back with Melanie jumping in as a passenger.

“I’ll get a car, I’ll be right behind you.” I assured the girl looking at me with a plea in her eyes. “I’ll be right behind you.” I promised.

Melanie gave me a wary look and it was the last thing I saw before they closed the doors and began their rush to the hospital.

My ride showed up a few minutes later, the longest few minutes of my entire life. Every second that passed seemed like a small eternity. 

The drive to the hospital was even longer. It was like the miles stretched longer and longer, like we were no closer to getting to the destination than we were five minutes prior. 

It was only when the looming lights of the vast building came into view that I felt even a semblance of relief. I slipped out of the car swiftly, making my way into the building and demanding to see the girl that was slowly stealing my heart.

Of course, I wasn’t permitted to see her. I wasn’t family. Hospital policy dictated only family. I was offered to sit in the waiting area until I was given permission by Melanie to be let in and despite my protests, I had to concede. 

I sat down and buried my face in my hands as I willed my racing heart to calm but I knew it wouldn’t. Not when images of Julissa’s pleading eyes swam through my mind in an endless loop, drowning me in their despair. 

I felt useless.

I felt wasted.

I felt as if I could have done more and I hadn’t. 

It felt like hours later when Melanie finally made her way into the waiting room, her eyes finding me after a second of searching and I could see from the small smile on her lips that Julissa was okay.

Melanie perched herself beside me, rubbing my back lightly because I was sure I’d never looked more panicked than in that moment.

“Her body doesn’t get along with alcohol it turns out,” Melanie sighed softly. “So maybe stick with nights in, okay?”

“She’s okay?”

“The alcohol caused an imbalance in her brain, it’s why she couldn’t talk and it thinned her blood. So she’s still non-verbal for a while but they’ve given her something to help with clotting.” I pictured Julissa trying with all her might to speak words that wouldn’t leave her mouth and I could practically see them sticking her with a needle. “She’s okay.”

“I took her out, I-”

“I wanted to blame you too,” Melanie confessed, a light chuckle leaving her lips. “But she’s here because you knew how to look out for her. You brought her home and we were able to get her help much sooner. I would have rather we find this out like we did tonight than for it to happen at some club with a crowd of drunks refusing to help, wouldn’t you?”

“I swear, I didn’t-”

“You couldn’t have known, Winter.” Melanie nudged me lightly. “Last thing she’s gonna want is you blaming you. I think she’s got a little crush on you.”

I scoffed lightly, dropping my head before running a hand through my hair. “I care about her a lot.”

“Good,” The mother nodded. “She needs more of that around her. You want to see her?”

“Please?” I was quick to reply.

Melanie wasted no time in showing me down a maze of hallways until we reached a room where her daughter laid attached to an IV and a nasal cannula which I’m sure annoyed her to no end. 

I made my way over to the bed and her eyes followed me the entire way until I was right beside her, perching on the seat and taking her hand.

“You scared the s**t out of me.” I told her, squeezing her hand. “I’m glad you’re okay, but I have to admit, you look ridiculous with that nose thing.”

She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me playfully, eliciting a wide smile on my part and sending my heart into overdrive. She really had no idea how her happiness affected me.

“Sorry I let you force feed us shots, I should’ve known better.” I knew my smile didn’t quite reach my eyes. “But I promise, here on out, we’ll go see movies or visit galleries, let’s not test fate with you again.”

She nodded approvingly and I turned to Melanie that arched her brow as if she didn’t quite believe me but accepted it nonetheless.

“She has to stay overnight?” I asked her.

“Yeah, they wanna make sure her speech comes back properly before they release her.” Melanie walked over to her daughter and caressed her cheek lovingly. “Never thought I’d miss her nagging at me.”

“She does nag, doesn’t she?” I mused, watching as Julissa frowned and opened her mouth with a retort at ready but she couldn’t seem to form the words still. “I wouldn’t mind hearing you nag right now.” I assured her. “But I’ll be back tomorrow for it, so save up some complaints, okay?”

I lifted myself from the seat because I knew I needed to give them their time to work through the new developments and I knew my cat would be more than a little unhappy that I’d left her alone for all that time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I gave her hand one last squeeze, our eyes meeting and I could see she didn’t like that I couldn’t kiss her goodbye and in truth, it didn’t feel all that great on my part either, but Melanie was hit with enough surprises for one night. 

“I know you don’t blame me,” I looked to the mother. “But I am sorry, I didn’t think any of it could lead to...well...this.”

“You’re the only one still thinking you had a hand in this,” Melanie rolled her eyes. “Go get some sleep, I’m sure she’ll be talking your ear off tomorrow.”

Julissa nodded in agreement, her smile devious and I rolled my eyes at the speechless girl. 

I began making my way out of the room when I heard Melanie whispering to her daughter: “I told her you have a little crush on her, I think she likes you too.”

And I couldn’t fight the smile that stretched across my face.