Loving my Former Enemy

Chapter 20

Tristan POV:

I could feel her presence even before it was even made known. I turned around and the moment I saw her, my heart started beating in an erratic pace.

I told my men to leave the three of us and started walking towards her in slow steps, unable to keep my feelings at bay.

My breath was hitched, and I was feeling too many emotions at once. She was the reason behind all of it, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control it for long.

“Alina…..” I said in a pain filled voice.

Her eyes were tearing up and all I wanted to do was hug her tight, never daring to let her go….afraid she might leave again if I did.

I stopped a few inches away from her and refrained from doing anything. Not just yet. I needed answers more than anything.

”Why’d you do it? Why’d you leave me, Alina?” I asked her, sadly.

”I…I….” She tried to speak, but the words weren’t coming out of her mouth. I stopped her from trying.

”Alina….is it true? Are you really pregnant?” I asked her the most horrifying question.

I didn’t believe Arthur when he told me, but somewhere deep down….I couldn’t deny it either.

She gasped out at my question in shock, I suppose, and then stayed silent for a few minutes, staring at Arthur and then finally looking at me, taking deep breaths before answering.

“It’s true, Tristan. I am pregnant….” She finally confirmed what I didn’t want to believe, and then looked down at her stomach, where her hand lay on it.

I looked down too and gulped as I saw a round stomach quite visible. It was slowly forming.

”How far…..along?” I asked her in a meek voice. I couldn’t recognize myself as I spoke.

She looked up, but avoided eye contact with me. I wanted her to look at me, but she didn’t.

”I….I am in my first trimester. Not too far along.” She told me and looked back down.

I gulped again. What was I supposed to do? This situation I was caught into….I didn’t know what to do and how to feel….how to react to this news.

God knows how much I dislike kids. They aren’t my type and they are bad for my image….but this was Alina I was dealing with. So how I was I supposed to handle everything without turning her against me?

She was as delicate as a flower, and any wrong approach….and whatever we had would be hanging on a low thread that could drop and break any moment.

I sighed heavily and ran a finger through my hair. I felt like this was a life or death situation for me. My lungs felt like they were being closed in and I breathed heavily for air. Just thinking about this was giving me a major panic attack.

”Say something…..please, Tristan.” She pleaded in her soft tone, worry and pain evident.

I walked away from her and paced around the room frantically. “f**k!” I shouted and punched a nearby table.

I looked back to find that she flinched, unaware of how I was acting around her.

”f**k….fuck….fuck what am I supposed to do about this?” I muttered under my breath.

”Tr-Tristan….I…” I stopped her from saying whatever she was going to say and walked towards her in long strides.

I could see her faintly shaking as I neared closer to her. Grabbing her arms, I brought her closer towards me and engulfed her in a tight hug.

I felt the stress in my body loosen and weaken as I hugged her. It took everything in me to control myself as much as possible.

Even hugging her felt like torture and bliss at the very same time.

When I finally let her go — which I didn’t want to do, but did anyways — I looked at her.

”Is this the reason why you left?” I asked her.

She looked behind me and I did the same to find Arthur staring around the room and occasionally at us, silently.

”Arthur….give us some space. Come back later.” I said to him, trying to sound emotionless, but my emotions were thick in my tone.

He nodded and got up, walking towards the door. He stopped when he got to the door and looked back at us, then at Alina.

”I’m sorry….” He mouthed to her, in which she nodded and then he walked away swiftly when I glared at him.

Closing the door and locking it, I walked to my chair and she walked towards the desk.

After a while of silence, she finally started to explain everything to me.

”When you….opened up to me that day we went to go get Ice cream, I didn’t know how to feel about it all. It was tremendously generous of you to give those kids a home instead of abandoning them….but it still felt wrong, what you did.

Just explaining everything to me, I could sense the tension and dislike in your tone as you spoke on the situation with me. You don’t look at them as your children, nor do you give them what they truly need.

It felt wrong on all levels for you to leave them like that, just because of whatever image you wanted to keep. They are your blood and they deserve love and care.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself what you did was right for them, it wasn’t in the end. You may have given them a home to live in and a maid to take care of them….but they are oblivious to the truth, and that their own father couldn‘t bear to look at them as his or as anything for that matter.” She inhaled air after she took a break from speaking.

My inner conscious wanted to deny it all and never speak on this again, but I needed to hear what she was saying if I wanted to communicate with her in deeper levels.

“So when I found out I was pregnant…..I panicked. Just the mere thought of my own child being treated like that…I couldn’t even bear to think about that.

I want my baby to be only surrounded with love and care, and I couldn’t see that happening here….so I left and tried to start over for….this baby. But instead….” She stop speaking and sighed, her eyes gathering tears.

She had a point, and I somewhat understood where she was coming from, but then….I was a selfish bastard and hated what she did even if it was for the betterment of this baby. It wasn’t the betterment for me, though….for us and whatever our relationship was.

”I am so sorry for hurting you, Tristan. It wasn’t my intention at all, I only wanted what was best for this little one.” She tried to smile as she caressed her stomach, but it came out very sad.

I could feel the tears in my eyes gathering as well, while my heart clenched tightly in my chest.

”Why did you…leave with him?“ I asked her. Even if I could ever forgive what she did for the baby, how was I supposed to forgive her running off into the sunset with her ex-lover boy? I couldn’t possibly do that.

”I….I didn’t know it was him a-at the ti-time.“ She replied, but that made even worse sense.

”So either way….you was gonna run off with him regardless, huh? You expect betterment for the two of you, but you can’t even keep yourself safe when people are feeding you lies and you are eating them up. At least you would be safe here, even if I didn’t approve of this pregnancy!” I was getting angry again.

What the hell was going on in her head to make her think it was okay to leave with someone she didn’t know? That was even more risky than the risks she would have taken with me.

Alina lowered her head in what looked like shame. She should be ashamed of what she did. She wanted to say that I was in the wrong here….but so was she.

”I am sorry, Tristan. Please forgive me. I know I was putting myself in danger doing this, but you have to understand. I made the decision in a rush and he didn’t seem harmful. He convinced me by bringing up Ms. Kathy, so I thought….I thought that I would be safe and he w-was there to….help m-me.” She stammered.

I rolled my eyes at how naive she was. How could she do this, even if what she was saying made a little sense…it was still wrong of her and I’d never try to give her the benefit of the doubt with this one.

”So you’re just going to believe a stranger and a woman you only knew for five minutes?” I scoffed at the thought of it.

”Look, Tristan….” She stopped speaking when I raised my hand to stop her.

”Don’t try to explain to me why you did that, because I’ll never see the good in what you did….I only see your risking your life. How the hell do you think you’re gonna support and care for a baby when you can’t protect yourself long enough to birth it?” I asked in a loud voice, making her flinch.

She frowned and looked to be deep in thought about something. “I……I don’t kn-know.” She finally said.

I snapped my fingers. “See, you aren’t thinking straight anymore, Alina. This….all of this, is f*****g messed up!”

”I-I know, th-that….but I…..“

I narrowed my eyes at her in anger. “This is too f*****g much for me to deal with right now.” I muttered.

”Please try and for-forgive me….I kn-know I don’t deserve it…but pl-please….” She pleaded with me, but I just couldn’t.

”Give me some time to process all of this. I can’t possibly take all this in, in one day and then just forgive you. I am still dealing with the fact that you’re….pregnant.” I said back.

She nodded and looked away from me. “I un-understand.”

“Good.“ I replied. “And don’t you dare ever to leave me again because of your stupid theory or whatever the hell was going through your mind at the time. I love you with everything in me….and that should be enough to have trust, faith and belief in me….but I guess in the end, it wasn’t.” I whispered the last part.

It hurted like hell to know that she didn’t believe in me. She thought I’d truly do something like that.

Maybe she was right, I was capable and I would have done it out of first instinct if she wasn’t in the picture….but she was, and this was different from those times. I was different.

”Do you….hon-honestly blame m-me?” She asked, making me sigh again.

”Actually no, I don’t blame you for thinking that because after all, that’s how I am, right?”

She narrowed her eyes this time and she walked towards me and stood in my face, making eye contact with me.

”You want me to believe that you‘re different now, that you’re a changed man and I should just believe that everything will be perfect, when you still haven’t even acknowledged anything….you still haven’t tried enough. Those kids are still sitting in a stupid cage-like mansion in complete oblivion, and you want me to take my chances with you after knowing that?!“ She huffed angrily, making me clench my jaw.

After a while, she took a deep breath and then sighed. “It’s not that I don’t believe….but you haven’t given me a reason to. Even if you are a changed man with me, you aren’t with them….and I can’t take those chances with this kid, Tristan. Please try and understand where I am coming from as a becoming mother. I can’t risk it.”

I shut my eyes closed and tensed up when I felt her hand resting on my shoulder and another on my jaw.

After a while, I opened my eyes back up and saw she was still trying to communicate with me through her eyes. But I was exhausted and overwhelmed.

”I…..I need some time to myself.” I said and walked away.

Stopping just before I walked out of the door, I looked back at her. She was standing there looking at me in pain. That made me feel even worse.

”Don’t you dare try and walk away from me again….stay. This is your rightful place now….nowhere else but with me.” I said and walked away from my office, leaving her in there.

Going out to the balcony in my room, I lit a cigarette from a pack I had stashed in the room.

I didn’t think I’d ever smoke again, but here I was. I needed to relive all this stress, the pressure and overwhelming anger and pain I was intensely feeling at the moment.

A lone tear escaped my eye as I looked into the huge city of New York.

I couldn’t help but think about what life would be like for me now….the future after all of this. Was there even a future? I didn’t even know anymore.

”Tristan.” I heard Arthur from nearby.

Wiping the tear from my face, I got up and turned around to face him. I didn’t even try to hide my emotions this time, knowing I wouldn’t be able to anyway.

”What do I do, Arthur? Everything is so f****d up now.” I said to him in mental pain.

He rested his hand on my shoulder. “Tristan….you have to be strong throughout all of this. It might seem hard for you to handle, but you are the mighty and bold, Tristan Turner. You can handle anything that comes your way. You can’t give up and be like this. Not now. Not anymore.

Face it….acknowledge it….accept It all and try harder than you’ve ever before If you want happiness in your life. That happiness revolves around Alina….and you can’t have her without having this baby, so I best advise you to prepare yourself mentally and physically. She’ll need you and you’ll need her. The baby will need the both of you….and you can’t just ignore that and do what you did to Amber and Preston. You just can’t.

You have to do this if you ever want her to be in your life. You’ll have to show her how much you’ve changed and how much you want her to stay. She won’t just abide by your command for you anymore. Either she’ll stay or leave….but it all comes down to you. You have to do better or she’ll leave, because whether you like it or not….this baby is gonna be her top priority and she’ll do everything in her power to give it the best life possible, despite the circumstances.” He told me.

He had a good point and his words motivated me to do better. No matter how much I hated what I was gonna do, I had to. He was right. This needed to be done.

“Alright….I’ll do better.” I said.

Arthur looked at me, skeptically. “You can’t just say that…you have to do it and prove it not only to her, but to yourself….and starting off with showing how much you want her in your life.“

I gave him a look of confusion. “But how am I supposed to do with that?” I asked.

”Starting with those two….AmberLeigh and Preston.” He replied, making me inhale deeply.

This was gonna be a rough trail I was walking on, but I needed to bear it if I ever wanted to see happiness….

***************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

Well, dear readers…..what do you think? How do you think this story is gonna progress?

What‘s your thoughts, share them with me. How do you think Tristan’s gonna prove himself to her? Do you think he’s up for a challenge?

Well, we’ll see soon….love you guys! ~