Melody de la Douleur

DOMINANCE

DOMINANCEA tidal wave of fear runs through my body as the echoing music blends into the background, becoming less significant by the second. I almost crumple up the shoddy piece of paper in my hands if it is not for the fact that the staff that is standing in front of me.

Black on white, eight set of C’s are glaring back at me, dominating the two B’s, which are the only decent grades I have.

I do not understand. In fact, I do not understand this at all. Why are my grades dropping down so drastically? I always got perfect scores for everything before. How did it come down to this? I really do not get it.

What did I do wrong? These grades are from the previous term, before I got into the student exchange, so there is no way that the time being I was here was counted into the grade report. So how did this happen? I really do not understand what went into the minds of those teachers when they graded my assignments. Everything was always praises and applauses. But now, when it comes down to the printed matter, everything went down.

This is horrible. I am this close to failing, and no one even bothered to give me an explanation. These bad grades just came out of nowhere.

“Why aren’t you moving?” Nion asks out of annoyance from behind me. “No need to stare that hard on the paper, Saw. I know that you got straight─”

But he never finishes that sentence, because one look from me and he knows immediately that I am not in the mood.

“Wow, what’s going on there?” He sneaks a peak at my grade report and his mouth forms a perfect O shape. “C’s? Miss Perfect got C’s? And eight C’s for that matter? The earth is going apocalypse,” he mocks before shoving pass me, leaving a crowd of staring people to me. It is obvious that he says those things out loud for everyone to hear.

Whispers begin to form and before long, the whole school is talking about it. I can hear them all the way to the principal’s office. Each step I take consists of wrath and disappointment, both for those who gave me these marks.

Art is a serious subject to me. I gave my everything to every single piece I made, and I will continue doing so even in the far future. There is no beauty that I can not capture magnificently. I love every style, and I am willing to explore from my comfort zone, if I had any. I take fashion like my existence depends on it. And what did I get? C’s? From straight A’s to eight average grades? This is a sick joke, one that I am willing to throw up on if it is not for the fact that I am going to talk to Principal Griffen.

“What is the meaning of this?” I barge in his office even when his secretary tries to stop me with his verbally-spoken overwhelming schedules. It is as if her words mean something to me.

Principal Griffen is sitting on his desk, sipping a cup of tea when I slam the grade report right in front of him. He looks down at the piece of paper questioningly.

“If you think that I am going to tolerate this injustice, then you are wrong. I demand to know what is going on.” My inner demon is this to surfacing. I feel greatly irritated. I want to smash things. I want to hurt someone. Anger fuels me from the inside out. Flashes of red enter my mind and keep repeating scenes that I do not like.

He clears his throat before glancing at his secretary. “It’s alright, Miss Cara. I’ll take it over from here.” She only nods her head in silence before closing the door on her way out. “Now, what can I do for you, Miss─”

“Cut the crap before I do something you might regret,” I cut him off. “It is something that you forced me into that student exchange program, but it is another thing that you messed up with my grades. I worked hard in this.”

Instead of being angry of my outrageous reaction, he simply sighs, admitting defeat. “Alright, alright,” he says, holding her hands in the air before standing up and readjusting his suit. “If you want me to be honest, then it won’t be a problem. Just don’t regret it once I lay everything out for you.”

I glare at him to start talking.

“It has come to my attention that you have be chosen to participate in St. Lathios’ Annual Music Performance. I know how competitive the elimination can be, particularly among the elite students. You’ve managed to perform really well in your classes, for a fashion designer student. For that, I am very proud of you. But when I learned that you have refused to go on stage, I knew that I had to take matters into my own hands.”

Listening to his long speech actually gives me clues to what is going on. My anger is slowly subdued by all of these self-righteousness. I no longer feel upset. However, there is no hiding in my absolute disappointment of what I say to him next.

“So you just decided to almost flunk my grades? What kind of a principal are you?”

“The kind that wants the best for everyone,” he replies.

“What does wanting the best for everyone has got something to do with messing my grades?”

“Think about it, Miss Saw. If you participate in the annual performance, you will get everyone’s attention. Even the students from our school. I know that you get along with one of the St. Lathios’ students as well.” He knows about Clovis as well? “You are a role model in St. Luthias. If you participate, the other students will see St. Lathios in a different light, knowing that even you find it worthwhile to implicate yourself with St. Lathios’ school event. You get what I mean, I’m sure?”

The frown on my face only goes deeper, knowing that he has a point.

“So you’re holding my true grades a hostage, then?” I say out loud. Principal Griffen smiles at me hopefully, and I am going to turn that smile upside down. “Well, you can keep them, then.” I walk out without even caring about keeping up appearance.

No numbers or masks are worth the lives of thousands.

St. Lathios looks even busier than it usually today. There are just a few days left before the big event. The preparations are being made. The participants practice more frequent than they usually do, including Clovis, as it seems like my nagging has persuade him enough to start doing it.

Looking at these humans, playing music to their heart’s content and singing on the top of their lungs, makes me wonder how it would feel like if I were one of them. No worries, no side effects…. Just me. It would have been a happy and short life. Short, but peaceful.

I can get as peaceful as I can get in how I am right now, but that is almost like fooling myself. No. I am fooling myself. There is no way that I can get out of this. My condition is not a choice. It is the end of bargain.

Just the day before the big performance, I come into Clovis’ practice room to show what I have been working on. I unzip the cover, revealing a set of dark suit. He starts at it for the longest time, and I excitedly wait for his reaction.

“Is that for me?” he asks, mesmerized by my piece of work.

“Yes. Do you like it?”

“You were making this?” he asks, shocked. However, I do not expect his tone to be so accusing on the next word. “Is this what you have been doing lately? And to think that all of those early leaves, you were actually practicing.” His eyes suddenly shift to me sharply. With three long strides, he stands right in front of me, his hands grabbing my shoulders. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you not taking this seriously? Don’t you care at all? The annual performance is tomorrow!” He screams the fact to me as if it would make me wake up from all this.

Instead of being angry at his overreaction, I become irritated. “Don’t pretend to be so surprised,” I brush him off, “I told you that I am not participating. And I do care. Why do you think I made this suit for? I made it for you.”

His lips form a thin line before saying, “That’s not the case. I’m talking about the performance. I know you are good at it, Annalyss. Don’t let your skills go to waste. You’re a demon. There must be something you can do to stop the side effect.”

“If I knew, I would have used it a long time ago. But the fact is I don’t. So stop telling me what to do.”

Clovis’ mouth shuts into a thin line. His deep blue eyes are blazing in fire. I have never seen him this upset before, except when he found Nixandre with me. But this time is different, though. There is no lack of intensity at both times. He is just angry as he was. It is just the matter of where he directs his anger at, a.k.a. me.

Without another word, I leave the room, cursing myself the entire way out. Why would I even bother making him that suit? Look at where I had gotten things into. And this is the last day before the annual performance. I shouldn’t have come at all and distract him from his practice.

Why was I even bothered to associate with him in the first place? I am a demon, for hell’s sake! And he is a mere human. Why did I care to befriend him? Was it because I felt lonely? Has time caused me to wonder at mortal lives again?

Long ago, when I didn’t kill humans after hearing my performance, I would go to someplace crowded and try to blend in. I pretended that I was one of them, and that everything was okay. That was one of the rarest moments when I could feel like myself again. The feeling was so great that I repeated the same thing over and over again, until it became an addiction. I was so great in pretending that I indulge myself into the lies, until the lies became the truth.

And now I am doing it again.

After how things turned out to be a downhill with Len, whom I thought was my human companion, my basic nature longed for friendship. It also didn’t help that I hadn’t have any time to talk with Len face to face, back before I knew who he actually was. I am a social being as well, in the end. It has been like that for half of my existence, or I went back on killing spare.

I have no idea what it is exactly that I am looking for when I stand in front of the mirror in St. Lathios changing room this morning. I see a fragment of mortal’s fantasy, Swan Lake, staring back at me. But instead of Odette, I am Odile. My dress is the color of Chinese ink, dark and thick. Black feathers run through my skirt, trailing on the floor behind me like an army of shadows. My pink hair is let down in soft curls and my blue eyes gaze emotionlessly. For a moment, I can also see my true self ─ a dark and corrupted angel.

I am not going to perform, I promise to myself. I am simply just going to show up on the stage, let them throw insults at me, before returning backstage. I am just doing what I have promised to the principal. Nothing more, nothing less. Okay, maybe a little bit more. I might not be performing anything, but I might as well look good in silence.

The turning knob behind me draws my attention away from my reflection and focuses more on the new presence. Bellathrone looks divine in her emerald dress. It brings out her rare-shade eyes. She wears a green-rose hair accessory on the top right of her head.

“You’re going to sing, right?” I ask her out of politeness. Things have not been in any danger lately, so I thought it might not be wrong to be nice to her. But as expected, she ignores me and approaches the makeup table instead. Placing herself on the sit, she picks up a brush and dips it on powder, before bringing it to one side of her cheek. Then the other one. Not that it is necessary to enhance her beauty even more that it already is.

I suspect that she is planning to ignore me the entire time, until she parts her lips and says, “I know a way to block the side effects from humans.”

Blinking at her, I mutter, “Pardon?”

But she continues as if I had not said anything. “It was only developed recently, which is why I understand the lack of awareness of it. And considering that it has been a while since the last time you were down there.”

Well, that is completely new. I wish she would have told me that earlier, though. “What’s in it for you?”

She simply shrugs her shoulders, as if this were not an important matter. Maybe to her, it is not. But it is a real great matter to me. “You can owe me a favor, I guess. Having a First owing a second generation is a big deal enough.”

Bellathrone puts the brush down and turns to me. Drawing in the air with her index finger, she casts a spell of purple light. The symbol she draws resembles a little bit of a G Clef. The symbol echoes through the air around her, before disappearing from sight. She hums a little for testing, and sure enough, I can not feel any influence radiating from her.

“How come you’ve never used this method, then, if you already knew about it before? And so did your brother,” I ask.

“Because neither Nix or I have as much influence on humans as you do,” she answers like this is the most obvious thing to say. “We’re second generations, remember?”

This changes everything. And though I still can not erase this suspicion of her from within me, the possibility that this can work excites me to no end. I can finally perform! In front of thousands of people and demons with all my being, without getting them killed or seduced at all!

The participants get their turn by random order revealed today. Nion gets the first turn, and when he is called on stage and play, his violin performance sounds even better than I expected. He is actually very talented, hence to his way of getting to the top at St. Luthias. And it seems like this fact does not only surprises me, but the rest of the spectators as well.

The second turn is Clovis. He walks passed me in silence and heads to the stage, but one glance on what he is wearing and I already know. We are good again.

His performance brings a second smile to my face, and the first on this song for everybody else. The judges seem very enchanted by his performance. The fluency, the intonation. He is perfect.

They are still clapping by the time Clovis walks back to backstage. He glances my way and gives me an encouraging smile.

“You did great.”

“I know. It’s all because you keep pestering me to practice.” I give him a machining look in a humorous manner at that. “But thanks, anyway.” He smiles wider.

“You’re welcome.”

“You look absolutely breathtaking as well. If I hadn’t been needed to go upstage, I would have been staring at you the entire time.”

“You are not so bad yourself. Thanks to a certain fashion designer who made that suit you’re wearing,” I say teasingly. He chuckles a little, and the sound is like bells to my ears. At least, we are good again.

We watch the other participants perform in silence, him standing beside me. And by the time it is almost at the end of the performance, I can finally hear my name being called.

“Good luck. You’re going to perform, right?” Clovis asks, but I do not have time to answer, because I am pushed up to the stage by the coordinator staff.

Thousands of eyes staring at me from the dark. The spotlight is supposed to be threatening, but not to me. I approach the piano at the center of the stage, because I am my own accompanist. This is my place, my home. A fragment of feeling of how it used to be home for me. Nostalgic and precise, I walk back the path I have taken before in glee once more. And the place welcomes me back.

I cast the spell, which purple light is invincible to humans. I feel its layer surrounding me, expanding to a certain space. The outside world seems to blur, but that does not matter. What matters most right now, at this brilliant moment, is music.

♪ ♬ Sweet as love at first sight ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ This melody is presented to you ♬ ♪

The opening starts out slow, building up attention in the audience.

♪ ♬ Bound to earth, I fell of paradise ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ On land I made my new sanctuary ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ The story is story is out, now here comes the truth ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ When I look into the mirror, the demon inside resurface ♬ ♪

Intonation pressing up, with high and low tone blending as one steady verse. This is where things begin.

♪ ♬ Invasion is your eyes is all needed ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ In storm I fly through the wind ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ In tornado you drown of air ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ In sakura tsunami the dark consumes life ♬ ♪

Their adrenaline rise as I pick up the pace…..

♪ ♬ Walk with me to the thorny road ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ In dance of fire we become one ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ Sakura petals coming down for a dance ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ Waltz of flame, here we go ♬ ♪

Working up on the climax…..

♪ ♬ He knows how many times I try to stop ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ But the tears just fall and fall ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ I never meant to start a war ♬ ♪

♪ ♬ And now all that’s left is us ♬ ♪

…..Just to get someplace higher.

And once I am done, I come back to the top, repeating the refrain.

Heavenly…. because I can feel that nostalgic feeling again, as if I were still in the same place as before the banishment.

Light…. after such a long time, the weight has finally been lifted.

Peace…. because there is no more pressure. No more holding in. No more suppression.

Melodious…. this night truly is!

Once it is done, the light seems to die out brutally. All of a sudden, I am left out in the darkness. But I don’t regret. I celebrate. Because after centuries of self-suppression, I am finally home.