Discovering Submission

Family laughter echoes off the dining room walls. Angelica's brother Michael starts talking mess when there is a pause led by awkward silence. "Now sis, you moved that far away and still ain't found a man with yo shy ass?" He says as he nudges at her arm playfully. Her family immediately started laughing at her expense before they chimed in and contributed to the conversation she was not trying to hear in the first place. Some of them seemed to feel more strongly about Angelica being single at thirty-three years old and wanted to ensure she knew about it. "Girl, you still don't have a man? You are such a career woman; I don't know who you got that from because it wasn't from me." says her mother as she glances at her perfect family. Her mother, Bethany, a fifty-five year old white woman of four children who has been married to her husband Joseph, a successful black engineer, for Thirty-eight years. She met her husband, while they were both in college and they have built a strong and loving relationship over the years. Bethany has always been a devoted mother and wife, balancing her family responsibilities with her own ambitions and desires to be the perfect trophy wife and stay at home mother. With a serious and condescending tone, she continues. "You must have a secret boyfriend and are just too embarrassed to bring him home! There isn't any way in hell that no man wants to be with you, especially when you look as beautiful as you do. What's wrong, huh? Does your coochie stink or something?" She stops directing her conversation at her daughter and openly speaks her opinion. "She is too pretty to be that shy and lonely. How can she give us grandbabies if she hasn't gotten herself a man? She better find one before her eggs dry up. She probably doesn’t even know how to masturbate.” Her younger sister falls out of her chair in a fit of laughter. The sudden laughter causes Angelica to become enraged. "His black ass is older than me. Why can't he give you grandbabies?" Angelica snaps back as she points at Michael. "Now you know that boy is gay; leave him alone!" her mom quickly replies. Angelica rolls her eyes and abruptly stands up before heading to the restroom. While walking away, she overheard her father Joseph. "Y'all need to leave that girl alone, and you wonder why she never wants to come home to visit." The handmade heavy oak door slams behind Angelica, this door another silent reminder of the perfect home Bethany tried so desperately to create. She closes the toilet lid and sits down; tears swelter. She takes a deep breath and tries to bite back tears; a sudden knock can be heard through the bathroom door. "What do you want?" The door opens, and she sees Michael’s face peeking through the slight crack. "Angelica, may I come in? He says gently. She quickly replies “If I say no, yo black ass is coming in anyways.” she says followed by a slight sniffle. Michael pushes the door open and steps in the bathroom with his favorite sibling. Michael being the oldest, always made him take on more responsibility for his siblings emotions than he should have. “ Sis, don't tell me you are in here crying right now?" His lack of understanding or boundaries is palpable, further highlighting the disconnect in their family dynamics. “Just get the f**k out okay, Yall always picking on me for being single at my age. I never want to have a family if the dynamic is like ours.” She says as she begins to cry out. Michael grabs her hands and stands her up to her feet before embracing her in his arms. “You know I was just playing with you sis. I apologize, I always forget that mom gets like this when she drinks. You know she doesn’t mean any harm.” Angelica cuts him off “She meant nothing but to be a hurtful b***h towards me like she always is. She tryna be funny, but she needs to stop. It's bad enough daddy had to beg for me to come visit in the first place. Michael why do you think I graduated early, I had to get the f**k out of this energy vampire of a house our mother calls a home.” Angelica continues to vent to her brother Michael and cry harder the more she speaks. In the dining room her family sits silently as Joseph glares across the table at Bethany. Pulling his elbows up on the table, he interlocks his fingers in front of him, and his voice deepens, “Sarah, James, you are dismissed.” “OOP” Sarah and James say in unison before abruptly standing up and heading upstairs to wash up, stopping in the middle of the stairs so they could hear the conversation they were dismissed from. Joseph begins to scold Bethany due to his frustration. “ Are you still bitter that you decided to get pregnant in college?” He says with a serious tone. “I am not….” Bethany tries to respond to her husband. He gets louder, almost yelling due to being interrupted, “I am not finished, If you interrupt me again I will end the conversation. He takes a long pause before continuing his outburst. “Or is it that you are angry that you were not able to make a life for yourself instead of having to be a stay at home mom, which mind you, you chose for yourself. Why are you like this to her and not any of our other children? Is it because she looks the most like you, or is it because she isn't……He catches himself, and looks down as he almost divulges her secret. Bethany starts to tear up not knowing what is going to be next she yet again tries to respond. “Joseph, I did not” Bethany pauses as she sees Joseph stand up from the table. “Bethany, I am choosing to end this conversation, I will be in the library when you are ready to talk about this further. However, I ask that you give me at least 30 minutes before coming in.” He walks out of the dining room, leaving Bethany to process his heated emotions. Moments later back in the bathroom Angelica and Michael hear the silence coming from the dining room. Their eyes widen as they make eye contact. Angelica nudges Michael with her arm. “Go see what happened.” She said nervously. “Why do I have to do it?” he replies. Letting out a slightly menacing chuckle Angelica replies. “Because you’re the oldest!” He sighs before cracking the door and peeking out the small crack. He spots the empty chairs in the dining room and pushes the door open. He gestures for Angelica to follow him as he heads towards the table. The table was still filled with food and half eaten plates. Michael starts to clear the table as Angelica walks past him to head down the hallway. She gently knocks on the door to the library before gently pushing it open. She glances at her father, “Daddy, May I come in?” He smiles and waves his hand commanding her entrance. “ Come on, babygirl.” He pushes his chair back to create space between him and the desk located in front of a large bay window. Angelica pranced over to the window and plopped down on the cushions that aligned the window seat. Joseph chuckles as he watches his thirty-three year old daughter show traits of her childhood. Flashbacks of his princess kicking her feet while reading books in the very same spot she lay in now. “Daddy, What happened with you and mom? Daddy” She gets slightly louder. “DADDY?” He snaps out of his daydream. “ Sorry baby, I was thinking about when you first fell in love with your reading nook. You were so adorable when you used to curl up in that very spot with a stack of books that was too large to read at once. What did you ask?” he asks gently. “ I asked what happened with you and mom?” sighing deeply, he responds. “ We got into a heated argument because of her behavior. I know she did not mean any harm but I cannot continue to watch her force her opinion about how you live your life. Tears begin to swelter in the corners of her eyes. He stands up out of his chair and kneels by her side to pull her into a hug. Embraced in the warmth of his arms she breaks down. Tears roll down her cheeks one after the other. “ I am sorry, I feel like it is my fault…” She pauses as she hears another knock on the door, hearing the creaking of the hinges, they both look up and see Bethany. “Am I interrupting?” Angelica sighs before pushing herself out of her fathers arms, her safe space and answering her mother showing signs of her clear irritation. “Yes you are, don’t worry about it. It is fine, I am used to it. You never respect boundaries.” Joseph lets out a loud guttural growl. “Angelica, I will come find you when we are finished, I love you.” “I love you too, Daddy.” She walks out and closes the door behind her. “Bethany I am ready to finish our conversation and I will allow you to go first.” Joseph always establishes strong expectations when it comes to communicating with his family. He never left room for boundaries to be violated, or for anyone to feel disrespected. “Joseph, Why would you bring that up? You know that I never meant for that to turn out that way. You always get so angry with me and almost let out the family secret. “She continues to rant for the next two minutes, not allowing Joseph the chance to respond until she begins to cry too much to be able to legibly speak. He reaches out and hugs her, leaning down and gently kissing her on her forehead. “Bethany, I love you and I apologize. I never want to make you relive that day. It is hard for me to sick back and watch you force your opinions onto our children.” The intimate conversation continues. Upstairs in the family room, Sarah and James gossip like a bunch of teenagers. What do you think happened?” Sarah Says. “ What do you think dad meant by is it because she isn’t?” says James, The conversation between them happening faster with each on going second, the back and forth between them becomes blurred. “Oh, what if she isn’t a?” “Naw, what if she isn’t actually thirty-th” “What if she is adop” Their connection as twins shows, both of them gasp simultaneously before speaking in perfect unison. “Do you think she is like Michael?” They both fall to their backs, kicking their feet into the air as they go into a fit of laughter. After a few moments they catch their breath and sit up, the sound of dice rolling resumes as they return to playing the Settlers of Catan. “7, move that robber off of my 8 James.” She says tauntingly. His hand swiftly moves to grasp the robber, he then moves it to her 6 which was her only wood resource. “MOM, JAMES IS CHEATING.” Sarah yells out as she saw what he had just done. The banter between them continues. Back in the office Bethany is looking for anyway out of the mess she had created. Joseph continues to try to come to an understanding with his wife. “I am just trying to understand.” Bethany interrupts him “Excuse me? I apologize for interrupting but I hear Sarah.” She then stands up and heads out of the library letting out a sigh of relief as she crosses through the doorway. Joseph shortly follows to go find Angelica, he enters her room. Her bedroom is as it was when she left it so many years before. Angelica was placing the remainder of her belongings into her light green suitcase. “Babygirl, I see you have decided to leave early.” Letting out a sigh before he hugs her. Kissing her on the top of the head before a pain filled whisper escapes. “ I love you, drive safe, make sure you call me as soon as you get home.” She slips from his arms and punches him in the arm playfully. “Oh you know I will. I love you too!” Joseph zips up her bag and picks it up, turning to carry it to her car. She grabs her jacket and slides it onto her body, gazing over at the mirror she smooths the fabric of her dress before turning off the light and closing the door. The echo of the door symbolic to the freedom, and peace she created back in at her home in Denver.