Blessed

This is it. I'm going to tell my story. Maybe it catch someone with the same feelings. Maybe it doesn't. Just respect it's my point of view. It all started before I was born. It's very hard to live with my emotions. Whole my life I feel like something is missing. Now I know why. The perfect match for my life is dead. Left me to fight alone. My identical twin sister decided not to be born with me. I spended five months in my mother's womb dealing with first death of my closest family member. It's very pessimistic, I know. But what I should tell you. It's the truth. Before I saw a light for the first time, I knew the deepest darkness. Darkness I was going to visit more times in my life than I would want. I felt my mother's fear. I lived in abandoness. I don't know what I fought for. I guess that giving up is not in my blood and never have been. But why she gave up? That's the question I ask a lot. Identical but so different. How am I supposed to know what happened. The memories are maybe in my nervous system but not in my memory. I fought for live. She didn't. So I came to the light. I came in front of people who loved me. They took me into their family. But it was never it. For the next years it was not it. Happy or sad, I've always missed something in my life. Someone was missed. One child lost but one child born made the family happy and newborn being blessing. Survivors are blessed, right? Is that right? The house was full at that times. Grandma, uncle, mom, dad and two older children - boy and girl. Still they looked happy with new person in. For a little while. I don't remember it but I have videos and photos where I looked happy. I was child full of energy. I found a way to all of the people in the house. And not just people. Animals too. Not knowing what was before and what comes next I was thrilled to be alive.