THE LIGHT

A leader reborn 1

Richard

It's been 3 days since my baby was discharged from the hospital, i took the last of my savings and bought her a school skirt and white shirt because she said she wont need a full uniform for that school since she is finishing off this year, i also bought her shoes and a school bag.I also paid a school transport to take her to school on the days that she's writing her exams. I bought us food and hoped by the time it runs out i would have found a job. I know even if i go back to that man and ask for my job back he wont budge because his a difficult mother fucker. Being in my mother's house though where i grew up as a young man with potential made me want to be a better man and know that i don't only have myself to think of but Portia as well, her situation just pisses me off. How can her father do that to her mother? worst of all in front of her, she is traumatized but acting strong because she thinks that every man is like her father. I don't know the man but i hate him on her behalf, what am i saying?  because no sane man would kill his wife with no back up plan, to me this whole thing seems suspicious, there is more to it than that. A voice brings me back from my trail of thoughts, am sitting outside under a tree, it's hot in Durban this time of the year. " Rick" the only people who call me that are the ones from my previous life and i cant have that now. I look up and come face with the one that used to be my right hand man Gora. " Gora" we did the handshake. " you good?" asked Gora "Sure boy, what are you doing here?" i asked because seeing him here is not a good sign."I have been keeping an eye on you and i figured that it's the right time to come to you now." he says ever so calm, his always been like that. "You are beating around the bush now Gora, get on with it already" i don't like seeing him here at all. "Look we want you back man, we need our leader back." I knew him coming here is not good. " Why would you want me back when you have Divan as your leader?" am kind of curious really, it's not like they don't have a leader they do, which is why i figured there is more to this than what his saying. " Divan is a joke man! other gangs have started invading our territory and we not making as much as we used to."  I knew him being here had something to do with money, Gora might be loyal but he always loved money more than women or anything for that matter. "When i left you guys asked for everything, the company i worked hard for, the cars and all my cash. I left all that behind because i wanted out and now you want me back, for what?" these people took everything from me just because my father's will said so, my father always wanted me to commit to this life but i never could because my mother wouldn't let me, so they took everything when i wanted out. " I told you we need you back and other gangs don't fear Divan because he has no beast and you can get everything you had back." he makes it sounds so easy when it's not. " I don't think i can do that. am fine just he way I am." i tell him " Man you are not working and you are living in your mother's house and on top of that i heard that one of your exes gave you your daughter to raise. Now how are you going to take care of her and how will you protect her from Rick?" What he says pisses me off my i try my best not to keep Rick at by and remain in control. " Rick lives within me and i can take care of him."  he gives me a look that says i don't believe you. " Your daughter, will you be able to protect her from Rick?" now his starting to piss me off but if i let Rick take over, it will just prove to him that i cant take care of Portia. " How can i not?" i asked keeping a straight face even though everything in me doesn't believe that i can keep Rick as bay. " The same way you protected your mother?" he shouldn't have gone there, i don't know how it happened with my mother but it did so he shouldn't compare the two because am in control this time around or so i think. " This is different!" i spat " How?" his beginning to piss me off but i wont give him the satisfaction, am in control, am in control, i keep repeating that in my head but Rick is furious and scratching as the back of my head to let him out but i wont because him being out will do more damage than good. " Because with her am at peace, Rick has been behaving for a while now but i could always hear him wanting to come out each time someone makes me angry but with her, it's like am normal again with no Rick wanting to come out. Am at peace man." i say desperately wanting him to believe what am saying. " The same peace you felt when you were living with your mother? how long did it last before Rick killed her?" am not going to let him get to me, no matter what am not. " This is different man i can feel it." i say with confidence because i really feel the peace when am around Portia, it's like nothing i have ever felt before. " Okay then when last did you feed him, let him loose and go hunting?" i swallowed hard, his right! its been too long and Rick has been bugging me about going for a run and all that and it wont be long before he forcefully takes over. "4 years ago" i answered truthfully. " how long do you think it will take for him to forcefully take over and do what he wants? forget that what will you feed your daughter because you are not working?if this is the life you are going to give her then believe me when i say it wont be long before she disappears with a man older than you to seek a better life for herself. Tell me can you live with that?" " f**k!" i cursed under my breath, his right girls her age have blessers old men financing their life style to get into their pants and i cant let that happen to Portia, shes been through enough. " f**k indeed!" damn his so annoying! " leave Gora" i don't want to hear any more of what his going to say i want him gone." But we are still talking" his really pissing me off right now and my mind is busy playing every possible scenario about Portia and the blessers." I said leave!!" i shouted not being able to control my anger and Ricks angrily growls. " fine! but i will be back" he left but what he said got me thinking, Portai is used to the laving life and now i only offer her a roof over her head and more or less the same meal every night. Her bedroom is not as pretty as the one she had that am sure of, i bought her clothes from the cheapest clothing store Mr Prize yet i don't have a single thing from there. Every piece of clothing i own is expensive and i got all that when i was still the leader of the Cobras with Rick as the most feared beast. You might be wondering who is Rick, Rick is my beast, my wolf and together we are untouchable, back when i was the leader of the Cobras we were feared because we took no nonsense. He killed every bad guy we came across with no remorse, his a strong big black wolf,  i got tired of that life and being the Alpha male with my little pack of humans that didn't understand who i was so i left the Cobras to find myself without Rick. I caged him for two whole years until one night i don't know what happened but i woke up to my mother dead. Her body looked like wild animals fed on her, but i don't think i can do that to Portia Because Rick seems at peace with her around and there is just something about her that i cant put my finger on. With her i forget that child i was back in high school no one wanted to be friends with because of how aggressive he was. Because of that i was sent to the school psychologist who diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder, from there on  i lived on medication for the rest of my high school years. That also only happen because some jerk broke my nose on purpose during rugby practice and Rick got so angry that we broke his arm. If there was no one i believe we would have killed that guy, my mother was called and was told of the incident and they told her i will be suspended indefinitely if i didn't get help so my mother agreed on me seeing the school psychologist and be put on medication. When i got to university i got my freedom and there was no medication or school psychologist, so Rick came back more pissed than ever, both at me and my mother for allowing people to dictate our lives. Rick made it his mission to take care of those who couldn't take care of themselves, he were angry so he directed his anger to those who lived to terrorize and abuse others on campus. So we killed them and got rid of the evidence, the university launched an investigation on the matter, my mother knew what was going on after a meeting was called to address the matter. She called my uncle who came and explained to me that Rick was not in my head like the psychologist made me believe, he told me he was real and lives within me and that i needed to accept him and coexist with him to make my life easier. When i asked how i got him, he told me that my father also had one but he "my uncle"  didn't have one because he and my dad didn't have the same father. From there on i accepted my wolf and never killed again necessarily, only when we had to. " Penny for you thoughts?"  said the most calming voice ever. " hey baby, i didn't see you there." she looked at me like she knew what i was thinking." I know you didn't see me because you looked deep in thoughts" she says " am just thinking about work and you" she looks guilty, " what about me?" she asked " nothing much, just want you to know that i would never hurt you okay? if it happens that someday i don't seem like myself please run and hide. wait for me to be okay or until i find you." i say, what Gora said to me really got to me and i don't want to see myself hurting this girl. " you scaring me" she says and i look into her eyes and see fear in them."If i wanted to hurt you i wouldn't even warn you, all i want is to take care of you. You know that right?"  i ask desperate for her to believe me."If you didn't want to take care of me you wouldn't have risked your job for me, so i know you want to take care of me what i don't know is why?" i don't know how to answer that but i just feel like i should take care of her and be a father to her. " because you are my second chance at this thing called life. I feel connected to you somehow and if this feeling lasts which i pray everyday it does then you and i will live together happy and in peace." i don't even know if am making sense but i cant explain how she makes me feel. Just feel a sense of obligation towards her like shes my responsibility, my daughter. " i would like that" she finally says after looking at me like shes reading me. " Good! now how were the exams?" she smiles " i did well i think, now can we go eat? am hungry?"  i smile at her and got up from under the tree and we walked to the house.