The Daughter Of Dawn

The Guilt - AVILA

That kid. I've to save that kid. I ran towards Dionysia, I know it's flooded, I know it's hard to come out with the kid without getting hurt. I'm not even sure if I can find him. But I've to do it, if not for him, for my own selfishness, to let me believe I'm worth living a life. I begged the Lord, please let him survive. Just let him live. He is just a kid. I saw people there, a crowd surrounding the river bank, but no one bothered. This is supposed to be their job. They are meant to protect the civilians, even at the cost of their own lives. They are trained for this. Just because the civilians belong to the common class they look down on us. Their filthiness in mind is far away to be compared with that of lower people. The narrow-mindness had corrupted their whole soul into a dark pitch, who cannot be saved, not by the humans, not by the God.

I pushed them out of the way, I wanted to scream at them, tell them they're worthless living for a life. But I can't, it's not the time, nor I'm worth telling them that. The kid, he won't survive for much long. 

I jumped in. I don't clearly remember what happened next, I was already in the water. I couldn't see him, it was too dirty to see anything. Something hit my elbow, it was painful. It was stinging. I screamed in pain, the water waiting for the moment gushed inside me. Everything became hazy, then I saw him, his little fragile body. He had almost touched the bottom. I swam towards him.Next thing I remember is pulling him out of the water. Now that I can see him clearly, he had already lost his consciousness. I can't even hope for anything worse than these. Even though his head was bleeding, he must've hit something hard, the rocks from the river bed. I looked around, having the last bit of hope that they'll help. Not a single soul flinched. I expected way too much from these swines. I probably couldn't give him CRP, I've already lost much of my energy while swimming. How can I be so helpless. I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to save lives. 

"Doc move aside I'll do it." someone said, pulling me from behind. It was Koch, it's always him. A human among these monsters.

"Can you do it?"I asked him, giving him some space.

"Better than you in this situation." he smirked and started pumping.

"Tell me when you're tired, I can go after a minute" He is an Angel, he really is.

"You're the one tiring me out" he replied without losing his concentration.

My eyes fell on the kid's wound, blood was still gushing out. I pulled out my shirt and pressed it against his wound. It'll help him for sometime, until the CRP is done. I looked around, they stood still, what else can I expect from them. 

"Can you get the hell out of here? He needs some space." I said keeping my voice low, this is no place to lose control. They moved away quietly.

"Turn him" I said, almost 30 seconds had passed.

"Don't worry he is doing well."

Finally the kid coughed out the water. Thank you, thank you so much Koch. Thank you for saving him. 

"Catch your breath." I said to him.

I picked up the kid and started rushing towards the ARMY medical camp. His wound still needed to be treated immediately.

"I'm fine," he said, holding the cloth for the kid.

"Thanks a lot, without y.."

"Let's talk about this later, okay?" he said, cutting me in the middle of my sentence.

The nurse was waiting outside. She rushed to us, seeing us coming.

"Get some sutures, needle holders, staple applicators and the other stuff ready. Get some clean towels too"

"I'll get them," she said and went inside. I put him on the stretcher. My hands traced to his back of head, in the lower occipital region, the blood was coming out from there.The crowd had already gathered waiting for the show. They almost had the camp covered. We can't even take him in, the camp is under reconstruction.The nurse came out with the surgical equipment. 

"We don't have any clean towels here at the moment" the nurse said looking concerned.

" It's okay, get them from my tent." Koch said from the back. For once I just want to hug him and thank him for everything he has done for me. The nurse went out for the towels.

"Just help me out here, okay?" I said to Koch.

Finally it's done. I was scared that his occipital artery might have burst or the nerves around it, but thank goodness nothing like that happened. I've already stitched up his wounds, he got 8 stitches in total and lost half of his hairs. Now all is left is to dress his wounds and let him rest.

The gauze, I forgot to ask the nurse for the gauze. I looked around, where is the nurse now?

"Where is the nurse?" I shouted looking out for her.

"I just saw her going out to the dormitory." Someone from the back timidly replied.

"Where the hell did she go without asking me?" I'm pissed off, really. First, these people are doing nothing other than being eyesore to the eyes. Second, the nurse just went out on her own when I'm in the middle of something very important. Third, I'm just pissed off.

"Where's the new medical assistant? Isn't the person supposed to be here by now."I almost shouted.

A long hand raised up in the middle of the human sea.

"I'm here." the person said, struggling to get to the front.

"Get the gauze from the middle drawer of the upper compartment."I said. I'm not usually like this, maybe it's just the day.

Why is he taking so late, it's not like I asked him to buy it from the store.

Slowly a hand crept towards me handing me a crepe bandage. What? A CREPE BANDAGE?

"What the heck is this"? I wish I could just scream all my lungs out.

"I...I...w...was...jjj...jussst...assked...to..paaa.... pass...iii...it...ttt...to...yyyou." He stammered almost in every word.

"And who asked you to give this to me?"

He pointed out to the person in his back, and that person pointed at someone behind him till it was the last person, the final person to be pointed out was in the far corner oblivious to what he had done. The crowd parted, allowing me to see him directly in his eyes.

He looked up, looking at me. I saw his face. A pretty boy. Of course he is going to be the troublemaker. 

"What did I ask you for?" I asked him, very calmly. I won't shout, it's already enough for the day.

"It's the...the...the..uhmmm.." he trailed away. He doesn't even know what a gauze is.

"Get me the gauze." I said sharply, turning towards the kid again. The next thing I heard crashing down of all a whole lot of boxes, metal clanking as they hit the ground and what not falling down somewhere even I'm not sure of. I turned around, all I could see was his clueless face and the whole equipment compartment that was laying on the ground.

Okay bud, that's it. I had enough. I can't control it for the whole day. I walked towards him. Sizing up to him, even though he is way too much taller than me.

"Are you an i***t?" I asked looking straight into him. If eyes can really spit fire then that's what my eyes were doing right now.

"What?" he said, almost in a surprised tone.

"Even a kid can tell what a gauze is" 

"I'm so sorry but,..."

"You ought to be sorry. This little brain of yours cannot even differentiate between..."

It almost came out of my mouth when Koch grabbed me and shut my mouth off.

"Don't create a scene here", he whispered in my ears. I picked up gauze and crepe bandage from the fallen pile and said " This is a gauze and this is a crepe bandage." Koch was still pulling me back.

" Clean the mess that you've created before you leave" I hissed as I gave in for Koch's strength.

"What were you doing there?"Koch asked, looking at me.

I was almost done wrapping up the kid's injury, when Koch asked me to follow him to his office.

"I know I don't deserve to yell at those aristocrats but it just came out. I..I just couldn't help it." I don't know what it was, I guess it's the guilt that suddenly turned me into a person like that.

"I'm not saying if you deserved it or not, I just don't want you to get hurt. Those higher up people are way too difficult to handle. And the pretty guy whom you called a small brain, is quite famous out there, how can you not know him?" He said in a grave adult-like tone, his hands joined together on the top of the table, keeping his chin on top of them.

"Ohhh is he a celebrity? I thought he was good looking." I replied sitting in the chair in front of him.

"He is. And don't get involved with him unless you want the deal with his fans."

"Of course I don't want to. Is he a bigener? His eyes are so dark" He had fair skin but his eyes were dark almost like the night sky. So pretty, So beautiful.

"I'm not sure, almost all the bigeners were killed in the last twenty-five years. Except for you." He said, smirking at me.

"Come-on I told you I'm not. I remember I clearly told you that I'm from a travelling peasant family from the Eastern tribe, it's natural for us to get tanned while traveling in the sun out there. What huh? do you want to see my identification mark?" I don't know what will make him believe that I'm not a bigener. I'm so tired of it now.

"Yeah yeah I know." He replied, rolling his eyes.

"Why are you so obsessed making me a Bigener?"

"What's wrong being a Bigener? They are beautiful people with blood from two different nations. They are the most beautiful beings created by God with lot of love and compassion to bear the responsibility of both the nations."

"Wow that was deep. I never thought you'd think so hard. Wait wait does that mean you think that I'm beautiful? Wow that's new."

"Sorry to say but you're an exception and then again you said you ain't a Bigener." He said smiling from his eyes.

"Whatever, just say that you find me pretty."

"You know they were all killed? Do you really want to be one of them?"

"They didn't do any wrong to suffer this kind of fate."

"It was their fault to be born like that.They were born with the curse of bearing the responsibility of both the countries." His eyes looked sad, as if he had witnessed the dreadful death given to them.

"We can't decide the family we are born into."

"They were noble, kind enough for the poor to worship them. Those shallow demons who killed them are nothing but pit of dark souls."

"I'm sorry. I know I'm also one of them. I acted like I was a savior and all and screamed at people for being someone that I already am." I said looking down at his shoes under the table.

"It's okay at least you have your conscience with you. That's enough to make you human and stand out from them." I know he is just saying that to comfort me.

"I hope the Nobles won't report me, I yelled at them real bad this time." I asked looking at him.

"Do you think they would?" He gave me that look when he felt annoyed.

"Why won't they? They don't have anything to lose."

"Unless the person they're standing against has the Royal Family as her backing." He knew what he was saying and how I'll react to it, but he still dares to say that.

"I clearly remember not having any connections with the Royal Family." I stood up. It's time to leave.

"For how long are you going to run away?" He said grabbing me by my wrist.

"Everytime you pick this topic." I replied trying to get out of his grip.

"He is coming here. He got stationed here."

"What? No that's not true. You're joking right?" I hope he is joking.

"His name was on the list."

"Why would he come here?"

"If you really want to run away from him, don't look out for him. Don't go when he calls out for you. There are plenty of people out there doing that for him. Stop sympathizing with him. He won't let go, unless you stop looking out for him." 

"I know what you said is the right thing to do. But he is a lonely person. I just feel bad for him."

"Even when he is being so possessive about you?"

"He wanted help that time, he wanted someone around him, to support him, to tell him that he is not alone. But now it's different, he has grown up, he can take care of himself." I didn't regret what I did in the past. It was the right thing to do. But now it is different now, he has a bigger world to soar. He doesn't need me anymore.

"He was never alone." Koch said curtly. He strongly believes whatever he thinks is right. 

"I'm leaving. I don't want to talk about my past boyfriends." I replied pulling out my hand from his grip.

"The lonely person you are talking about is the Crown Prince of the nation. He is never lonely." He said behind me.