The Daughter Of Dawn

Longed Feelings - DAMIR

The scarlet waves passed through my legs, towards the land that it always longed for. It waited for years, crossing through the wrath of thunder, travelling with the storm, to finally reach to it's yearned one. Even momentarily, the shore embraces it, giving it the moment of rest it needed, emboldens it for it's next journey. The shore is just an aureole showing them a path for the next bigger light, telling them that there are bigger lands to be conquered, a bigger shore to go. It is water's own nature to carry on forever.

The sun was almost going down, the last few rays turned the serene oceanic water into a bloodbath of red colour. Today was my last day, the last day before entering into the military. I wanted to come here before I go. This place gives me strength to carry on with life, it gives me the shoulder that I've been looking for in humans for a long time. Never knew that a place can give me something a human couldn't. It soothes my soul everytime I look into it's deep water. They tell me it's never enough, it's never too much to stop. It tells me that I've to go ahead of me, try to push my limits further. There is a lot more than our eyes can see, but today there's nothing I can take from them, no lessons to learn, no visions to follow. Tomorrow I'll leave the capital, along it my career, my dreams and everything that I've strived for. I've lived my entire life working hard to be what I'm now, and just because of some people I've lost everything. Lose everything that I've earned, just to go in the middle of nowhere.

I felt bad for yelling at my manager, he couldn't have helped me in anything even if he wanted to. All he did was to follow the orders from people above him. He just wanted to comfort me before telling me the news all of a sudden. I took out my phone and dialed his number. I've to call him to take me back. I came here one last time to be guided, to be told that this is not the end, that there is still a road that can be followed, but this time it was only disappointment. The path now I'm going to take is so foggy, that no traveller travelling in this path can find his way towards his destination, I'm soon going to take that path, hoping that destiny will store something for me, maybe something better.

"Hello Mir?" My manager said as he picked up the call. He already sounds so tired. Calling him all the way down here was just to add another task on his plate. He had left me here alone last evening hoping I'll make up my mind before I leave.

"Hi. Can you come and pick me up now?" I asked him, of course I knew he'd come even if he didn't want to come.

"Yes sure. I'll be there in an hour. Wait for me." He said from the other side.

He never said no, he can't.That's his job that he decided to do. That was his choice that he gave in his freedom to choose me over him. Same with me, the moment I signed with my company I gave up my rights, I gave up on myself.

I came all the way down here to sort out my mind. The sea always soothes me, showing me it's infinite potential to reach wherever it wants, I always wanted to be like it, someone who flows at their own will, it has all the gentleness, the ferocity, it can be anything it wants. I can only be jealous of it.

I walked towards my suite, it had a clear view of the sea from back, but I wanted to see it from near, one last time. This suite was owned by the company, the owner gifted it to me on my first success, the only gift from them that made me glad. This suite has a close space in my heart. Everytime I felt low or sad, I found my way towards it. It always showed me the vastness that I can explore. It was a home for me, when I have no one waiting for me to be home, this place always gave me the warmth of a family member. The parents that I'd lost, my sibling that had been killed, this place fills all the emptiness of my heart. It filled the void of the family I had once, whom I lost 14 years ago, ruthlessly killed by the Vizophinian people. They hated everyone with mixed blood, every single one with mixed blood between the two nations was killed, the Bigeners, they called them. My mother's great grandparents were from Vizophini who migrated here long back, they were welcomed by the Arcogatian King with open heart with all the other people who came from the land of Vizophini. He gave them a place to sleep, work to earn a living, everything they imagined, they got it here. My mother married my father, an Arcogantian. They lived happily having us with them, a happy family they say. But suddenly one day, everything ended, my whole family lay cold in front of my own eyes, but I wasn't even able to lift a finger, I lay there, waiting for my end to come, so that I could join them on the journey to the netherworld. But faith changes its path when it's most predictable. I survived, I survived alone and came out alive, devastated. I've lost the only family I ever had. I hated them, the Vizophinians, I was told it was their doing, they took the lives of my family. I was a little kid back then, I couldn't even fight against the unjust death of my family. All I could do was just to hate them. All these times I tried to forget the Vizophinian blood in me, but everytime I see myself in the mirror, I can see the reflection of the demon whom I always loathed. Those dark brown eyes remind me of my origin everytime I try to forget about them. They are called pretty, adored by people, but for me they are the curse I was born with. Those same dark brown eyes of my mother stared at me lifelessly hoping that her child will survive. I survived, hating myself, why was I the one who survived? Why not mum? Why not dad? Why not my sister? Why me? I hated living alone in the darkness that my family had left with me. Sometimes ending life is always better than going on living a hopeless life. But I couldn't choose that path, I was a coward, clinging into that worthless life given by those diabolic scavengers. Music found me, it helped me out, it pulled me out from the deep abyss that I was drowned into, it took me in during my darkest hour, it nurtured me, healed me slowly, made me into who I'm today. Music chose me, I decided to walk on the path guided by its melody. It gave me a career, it gave me the base that I can show in front of the world. My foster family noticed my talent when I was sixteen, and then they took me in. At first I was grateful to them, for giving me a place to call home, to be a part of their family. Well they were all my childish desire, a family that doesn't even exist can never be called as a family, no matter how much one tries to keep it together. My foster parents never truly loved me, I was just there to entertain them, to give them the pleasure of music. The childless couple just wanted me to fill the empty holo of their unborn child. They had money, plenty of it. They made a big deal out of me, they made me famous, they gave me the name that every person in Arcogantia is aware of. The stage I perform on, the song that I produce and everything, I owe to them. I owe them enough for my lifetime, I couldn't pay them for what they did for me, like my manager said, they refined a diamond out of me. And now when they need me, how can I say no to them, I can't, even if I want to scream no to them. I can't, we both know it way too well.

I woke up hearing the tires screeching outside. No one normally drives cars in this area, mostly because there is not a proper road to drive and no one lives here except for this house that the company owns, so I guess it's my manager. He said he'd be here in an hour, it was almost time. I picked up my jacket and phone from the kitchen counter. I turned around looking at the house for one last time, capturing every corner of the room, it's the only place that I remember as a home. I looked around trying to take every part of it with me as a memory, as a reminder to remind me I still have a home to return, a place to rest.

"Hey man, you're on time." I said walking out from the main door. My manager was waiting there sipping his coffee.

" I'm always on time." He replied, rolling his eyes. Of course he is, always.

"Says someone who needs 5 alarms to wake up in the morning."

"Come on, get in." He opened the car's door.

"You're really thick skinned." I said to him getting inside the car.

"Thanks to working with someone." He replied pointing at my seatbelt.

I looked outside, at the sea. I pulled down the window, the cold breeze passed through me, my hair floating along it's rhythm. I took a deep breath, I'll be the sea, no matter what someday I'll reach my shore. I'm the sea.

"Where's the newspaper?" I asked, looking for them in the backseats.

He got his right hand away from the wheel, and opened the cabinet in front of me. He took out the newspaper and slammed it on my chest.

"Stop asking for the things that I've told you where it's kept for the hundredth time." He said taking his hand back to the steering wheel.

"Yea, sorry." I replied almost inaudible.

I unfolded the newspaper, it's almost four weeks since the dam broke, but the other country never claimed that it was their doing. The Arcogantian monarch already had ordered to dispatch more troops on the borders. The decree is yet to be revoked, "It is better to be prepared beforehand rather than facing an enemy unprepared." the ruler stated. The front page had an aerial view of the areas affected by the flood. The Dionysia river almost doubled in it's width.

"Looks like I ended up in one of the most affected areas" I remarked reading the content of the information.

"Don't worry, the director pulled some strings for you. You'll most probably end up as an office assistant. The director personally got you exempted from joining any battalion." He replied.

"I never asked him for that." I smirked, he just wanted to let me know how great of a father I got.

"He is your father, he ought to do at least this much for you."

"Then at least he could've tried to send me somewhere safer." I said pulling back my seat to a comfortable position.

"District 23 is safer than it looks now. The director got some news from the palace. All you have to do is stay away from District 24, never ever even think of going there." He glanced at me for a second.

"What's there to go? The Smithsonian district is already drowned and isolated from our side of the country. It harbors nothing but wilderness, why would I ever think of going there." I couldn't even care more about it.

"I warned you just to be on the safer side. Some people say it's haunted by the vengeful spirit of the people who died wrongfully in the estate."He said looking at me and then turning back his eyes on the road.

"What wrongfully? The Smithsonian ducal house treasoned against the royal family, they deserved to be massacred for colluding with the enemies and killing thousands of innocents." Even thinking of that time makes me feel angry, if not because of them I would've been with my family together now.

"I know. I know how well you know. Just don't venture around unknown unauthorised areas. You have that bad habit of venturing around without realising the surroundings, just a few wrong steps and boom you're done for."

"Yea yea sure, Sir. I'll keep that in mind." I replied, putting the newspaper back in the cabinet. We were almost there. It was almost time for me to say goodbye. I'm already feeling guilty for being rude to him that day.

"Uhhmm I wanted to tell you something." I said, glancing at him.

"Spit it out." He said without looking at me. This is it, this is the last last chance.

"Uhmm.... I'm really really sorry for how I behaved with you that day. I have been feeling really awful about it. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it." I finally said it out loud.

"Really? if you apologize to me for every awful thing you've said to me, you owe me a century full of apologies." He replied laughing at me.

"No I'm serious, I really felt bad about it afterwards."

"What are you even talking about, I wasn't even upset back then, at least I was glad that you took it out instead of bottling up inside." He said, patting my shoulder gently.

"Even so I'm sorry." I smiled at him tightly.

"Don't be like this. I'm already used to you being bratty. Don't try to act like a good child before leaving, I might feel guilty sending you away."

"That's what I wanted." I said winking at him.

"That's more like you." He replied slamming the brakes.

"Here we are." He said letting a sigh out.

I turned back one last time before entering the camp. He stood there, waving at me.

"Wait are you crying?" I asked laughing at him. It wasn't funny, I just didn't want to cry before him.

"Me? No! My eyes were just sweating." He said.

"They do?"

"Come on." He came to me and hugged me tightly. Slightly patting my back he whispered, "Take care of yourself, eat well and sleep well."

"I'll." I said hugging him back.

I entered the camp with a duffle bag, my hand and a backpack hanging around my one shoulder, after signing at the main gate of the Camp. They confirmed to me the place where I was appointed to work. I looked around. It looked so intimidating, people walking around in their uniform. The way they carried themselves with pride and dignity.

I heard some footsteps rushing towards me, I turned back to see who it was. She went past me. As our shoulders brushed together, she turned back slightly glancing at me for a second. Her gaze was unfocused, they weren't on me, they just wavered for a second and then she left. I turned looking at her back till she blurred out of my sight.