Diary of a Dirty, Cheating w***e

I stood outside the Family Court wishing I had taken up smoking. This seemed like the appropriate scenario for a cigarette on the courthouse steps. Headlines read, "Wife Loses Everything After Underestimating How Far Her Ex Would GoTo Win". Or something more catchy but either way, I had not seen it coming. I still believed he was an i***t but I had gambled and lost a game I didn't even know I was playing. I watched him, his mom and our two kids cross the street to the public lot. Not even an acknowledgement from the ex mother-in-law who had secretly praised me for being brave enough to leave. Not so much as a look or wave from the two kids I had never imagined moving on without. They had chosen their dad over me. A mother's heart was not made to withstand this level of betrayal. I wanted to chase them across the street and beg him to let me come back home. I had been such a good mom and wife. I never cheated. I sheltered the kids so hard from the monster that was their father to realize too late that while I had been building him up, he had been tearing me down. I had made him a king in their eyes. My dad had been the best and I wanted them to believe just as strongly in their dad as I had in mine. Only today had I been b***h slapped with the realization that everything had been a lie. He had been setting up this divorce scenario for years. I had fallen into his trap and been left with nothing. Sitting in my car, I realized I didn't know where to go from here. I had moved out of the house six weeks ago, anticipating that I would be reclaiming it and my kids right now. We had met when I was 17, he was 21. My family was going through hard times financially and he had swooped in, madly in love with me, wanting to take care of me. Of course, my naive and romantic heart had fallen fast and hard for this knight in shining armor. I had fallen fast and hard for a man who didn't exist. The possessiveness I had brushed off as protectiveness. I had been flattered until he started getting rid of my mini skirts and checking the caller ID. I should have ended it then but all those people who said I was too young to get married - I was stubbornly going to make this work to prove them wrong. I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed. I believed in his illusion because I wanted so badly for this to be real. We weren't that compatible in bed, either. He was my second - my first being a messy, uncomfortable de-virgining (is that a word?) in the back of a Toyota while parked at the slate dump. We aren't allowed to talk about him. When it came to s*x, Jerry was vanilla and I was spice. I was into sexy romances and he was wham-bam-thank you ma'am. So, when he suddenly wanted to try new things, I jumped on it hard - literally and figuratively. He bought a video camera and I enthusiastically performed for him. He bought toys and I smiled for the camera, posing with all my holes stuffed or double stuffed. (Don't judge - I had birthed two kids by then.) I had been in absolute heaven. Little did I know that he was creating evidence to use against me, sending these pics and videos to his friends so he could claim the innocent husband who had been cuckholded by his lying, cheating w***e of a wife. He sent them from our shared laptop. He claimed he had been shocked and humiliated when his friends came to him with the evidence that I had sent our most private moments to them without his knowledge. Meanwhile, I had been smiling, laughing, living my best life. I had been completely unaware that he was presenting this evidence against me to my friends, family and children until I suddenly realized people were no longer talking to me. Only when my one aunt who had been like a second mother to me felt like she needed to ask me about it did I realize too late what was happening. The fact that she was asking broke my heart. She had known me since birth. She should have known I would never do that. If he had convinced her, I had already lost the battle. ^^^^^^^^^^^^ "Come on, girl. Let's go out and do something. Let's eat." Sunday is my best and - let's face it - only friend who stuck by me throughout my marriage. Her brain functions like a rabid squirrel on crack. She backs into something or hits a curb at least every damned day. She's not just my ride or die. She's also my ride AND die. Pretty sure we will meet our end together in a fiery crash that she hosted but I'm feeling a little suicidal today, so why not? "Sure." I agreed. "Where you wanna go?" She squealed through the phone and I knew she was bouncing in her happy dance. "Anywhere you want. Where do you wanna go? Think of a place Jerry would never take you the whole time you were together." Well, s**t. That didn't narrow down my choices much. Anything fancier than Hardees freaked him out. We lived on drive through and Little Caesars. "Hmmm. What do you think about Red Lobster? I went there once on a school trip and always wanted to go back." Jerry always said no - too expensive, even though we both made good money. I think he panicked at the thought of deciding how much to tip the waiter. He was just weird that way. "Oh, my God, yes!! I love Red Lobster but Buddy will never take me because he's allergic." Well, that seems legit. "You picking me up on your way through or you want me to drive?" "b***h, I will be there in an hour so you be ready. No backing out, ok?" "Sure. I don't mind driv-" "Nope. I'll pick you up and I'm buying you dinner. Be ready." I sigh. "Ok. I'm jumping in the shower now." I love her so much but she talks non-stop while she drives. Problem is, she likes to look at me when she talks. Instead of the road. Wonder if my kids will at least come to my funeral? I would like that, I decide, stepping into the shower. ^^^^^^^^ "I'm so happy you came with me! I backed into the flagpole in my yard and ripped off my bumper so I brought Buddy's Jeep." Good Lord. I climb into the Jeep. I know Buddy probably didn't let her take it because he knows how she drives but it looks sturdy. We can probably survive in this thing. I snap my seatbelt. "Well, might be time to move that flagpole. Way too close to the driveway." I didn't point out that she had to have driven over the sandstone edging to hit the flagpole in the first place. "I know, right? I told him it needed moved. He'll move it now, I bet. It was stuck in my bumper and I couldn't get it loose so I just left it there for Buddy and took his Jeep. He won't care." "True," I say, though I know damned straight Buddy's going to be pissed. Might be a short night, after all. "So, tell me what's going on. Any dates yet? Spill - I want all the juicy parts."