The Abyss

Chapter 1

It’s a beautiful July day, pleasantly warm, clear blue skies, and I am blissfully happy sitting in the passenger seat of my boyfriend’s Camaro as we raced down the empty highway. I’m wearing the knee length floral skirt he likes, a light pink crop top and white pumps. My long auburn hair is curled and flowing in the wind created by the rolled down windows, my bright red lips curled into a bright smile. The music is blaring through the speakers and I can’t help but let out a shriek as he presses down on the gas harder. He laughs and looks over at me, his baby blue eyes filled with love and tenderness

“Are you having fun baby doll?” he asks as he takes my hand, rubbing circles into the back of it with his thumb. I always marveled at how large his hands were compared to mine, it made me safe and content.

“Of f*****g course! You know I like to go fast,” I smile back at him, leaning over the console to peck his cheek. As we drive, I look out the window and think about how perfect my life is at this very moment.

We started dating at the beginning of high school and are now in the summer before graduation. He was captain of the football team while I cheered him on from the sidelines at every game as captain of the cheer squad. We were the perfect power couple and had an amazing group of friends on top of that. However, there was one thing that wasn’t quite perfect, the secret I kept from everyone except him. I was the only one in our school who didn’t come from family money and I had two older brothers; my parents owned a successful mechanic shop where my siblings and I worked. If anyone found out, I would be considered an outcast and nothing but a peasant. I’d lose my reputation, the respect of my peers, and I’d get expelled. Who wants the heir to their empire going to school with the middle class? Certainly not the parents of my classmates.

“Are you ready?” my thoughts are interrupted by his mischievous grin. We had slowed back down to the speed limit so I vigorously nodded. He chuckles and before I can get a word out, he opens it up, the sheer g-force, pushing me back into my seat. I clutch the arm rest, my eyes wide, as he puts his hand on my knee and gives it a squeeze. I hoot and holler, feeling the adrenaline coursing through me.

Suddenly, the sky turns a dark, ominous gray. His hand grips my knee harder, his nails digging into my bare skin.

“Honey that kinda hurts, can you please stop squeezing so damn hard?” I turned to look at him and found myself laying on my back, he’s looming over me now holding both of my wrists in one of his hands. My heart sinks and I feel myself shrink as he seems to grow larger.

“You’re mine now Cassidy,” I beg and plead with him to stop and try to push him off of me but he’s too strong, the weight of his body pushing down on mine prevents me from getting a full breath of air. I can’t move or speak as his once laughing eyes are now cold and sinister, his lips curled into a sneer. I continue to struggle as I feel pain piercing through me like lightning and I’m finally able to let out a scream.

I wake up screaming, drenched in a cold sweat, my heart racing so fast I can hear the blood in my ears. I’m breathing heavily as I tell myself the usual things. That was a year ago, I’m not there anymore, he can’t hurt me. I count backwards from ten and by the time I get to one, my pulse and breathing have slowed to a normal rate. I grab my phone and turn it on, the brightness of the screen blinding me until I find the dimmer. No longer seeing spots in my vision, I look at the clock and it reads three in the morning of October first. At least I got more than an hour of sleep this time. Terrified of going back to bed so soon, I take a couple puffs of my vape, put my slippers on, and walk over to my balcony doors.

“Hey are you okay? I heard screaming,” The sound of a voice in the eerie quiet of the house startles me and I jump nearly a foot in the air. I turn around to see my brother Mitch standing in the doorway to my room. I obviously woke him up and felt a wave of guilt wash over me.

“I had a bad dream,” he motions me over for a hug and I practically run over to him, tears running down my face. He holds me tight until I calm down.

“It’ll be okay, he doesn’t know where you are and he can’t hurt you anymore. It’s not your fault and he deserved what he got,” this has become a nightly routine for us. We were the only ones who still lived at home with our parents since our oldest brother, Liam, was now married with a little one due next month. Mitch was a light sleeper so when I had a nightmare, he would come check on me and we’d hang out for a bit until I fell asleep again or until it was time to start the day. I don’t know how he did it honestly, he was balancing work and school while staying up at all hours of the night with me.

“I know, I just wish I didn’t have to relive it every night,” I wipe my tears, “Do you want some tea or anything?”

“You look like you need a smoke more than tea,” we went out to my balcony and sat on the couch out there, talking and vaping.

“You know you don’t have to stay up with me right?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“You’re my baby sister, of course I’m going to make sure you’re okay. If I didn’t I’d be failing as a big brother,” I smile to myself. Most older brothers wouldn’t give their younger sisters the time of day let alone check on her. I got lucky having two older brothers who did that. Hell, we were all so close, one of Mitch’s best friends was my best friend too even though they were a couple years older than me.

“Well, I appreciate it. I just feel like I’m being a burden-”

“Cassidy Johnson, you are not a burden. You have a support system that cares about you a lot,” f**k, why does he have to be so logical? I take another puff of my vape, sighing as I blow a cloud out into the brisk autumn air. I look out across the horizon, watching it drift away until it disappears. Shivering, I rub my arms.

“I think it’s time to head inside, it’s getting real damn cold out here,” Standing up, I slide open the balcony door, not waiting for a response. Mitch follows after me and walks towards my bedroom door.

“You should try to get some more sleep, it is moving day after all,” he closes the door behind him as I climb into bed. Glancing over at the clock again, I let out a sigh and rolled over. I had a big day ahead of me and needed to be up in a couple hours to sign my lease. My excitement got the best of me though so I grab my laptop and open my email. I scrolled through, taking a couple puffs as I did so, until I found the emails I had exchanged with my new landlord, Marla, and started flipping through the pictures of the apartment. Having just turned eighteen, it was finally time for me to get my own place. It’s not that I hated my family or wanted to get away from them, I just wanted to have my own space for once. Besides, I was already starting my mechanics classes and my new place was only five minutes away whereas my parents house was a half hour drive. It made sense to choose the closer option.

I glance around my now empty room, feeling a pit in my stomach starting to form as doubting thoughts run through my mind. What if I wasn’t ready? What if I failed? What would my family and friends think of me then? Pushing that line of thinking away, I find my notebook and start writing a to do list for myself that went something like this:

To Do:

Sign the lease and unload everything into the apartment

Unpack, organize and clean

Establish a routine to balance work, school, home, life efficiently

Don’t fail and disappoint everyone around you

Have fun and stay positive

I’m not perfect to say the least, I have my own doubts and insecurities just like everyone else. It’s how we deal with them as individuals that makes us who we are and, ultimately, who we become. With my list made and a wave of exhaustion finally coming over me, I put my notebook down, take one more hit off my vape, and roll over, drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to my alarm blaring at eight o’clock. I grin and jump out of bed to get ready. As I brush my teeth I glance at my reflection in the mirror; there’s deep dark circles under my eyes making my baby blue eyes stand out more than they normally did against my lightly tanned complexion. My cheekbones were defined, not in a sharp and protruding kind of way, more like a highlight, my slender nose slightly turned up at the tip, sitting below it were full lips. His thumb runs across my bottom lip as he takes hold of my chin. Leaning in until he’s a mere breath away, he murmurs, “I’ll never let you leave me,” Shaking the memory out of my head, I spit toothpaste out, wash my face, and apply a light dusting of makeup. For this particular day, I had chosen a pair of black leggings, with pockets of course, a sky blue hoodie, and my favorite pair of black sneakers. I throw my shoulder length hair into a ponytail, even though it’ll fall out of the elastic at some point during the day. I take one last look in the mirror before throwing my phone and my vape into my pockets, snagging my purse off the bathroom counter and heading downstairs to the kitchen. My parents, Mitch and Liam are standing around the island drinking coffee. Dad sees me first and puts a mug of hot coffee in front of me.

“You look like you need this,”

“Oh sweet, sweet coffee,” I moan, taking a sip, grateful we had already packed everything into the trailer yesterday. As I enjoy my first taste of caffeine for the day, Liam pipes up.

“How are you feeling Cass? Nervous yet?”

“Pft, not at all. If anything I’m f*****g excited,”

“Watch your mouth Cassidy,” Mom warns, “I can’t believe you’re abandoning your own mother to be all alone in a house full of testosterone,” she hugs me tight as I feel the pit I felt in my stomach last night started creeping its way back in. I push it and any doubtful thoughts that come with it, away and force a small smile.

“Technically the house isn’t full of testosterone, it’s just dad and Mitch,” She sighs, finally releasing her grip on me and I take the opportunity to have another sip of coffee before I become the center of a brotherly group hug. Being the youngest and the only girl, my brothers towered over my measly five foot zero frame.

“Guys, I can’t breathe! Slowly being crushed,” My parents shoo them away, indicating that we needed to get going. We piled into our various vehicles to make the drive to my new home. When we got there, the landlord was waiting for me inside with the rental agreement and a couple signatures later, she was gone and it was finally time to start unloading everything.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Mom asks me. I nod my head and smile, holding back tears.

“Of course! Maria and Jonah are coming over to help and I can’t exactly live with you and dad forever,” I hug her tight, “You will be okay, you’ll finally have the house to yourselves for once,” I pause, “Besides Mitch at least. Just promise me no more siblings” I give her a cheeky grin to which she responds with a dramatic gasp.

“Cassidy-” we’re interrupted by Liam and Mitch, who are carrying my new couch through the doorway.

“ Aren’t you going to help bring your s**t in little sis?” Liam grunts. Mom scolds him for cursing as I go outside to help bring everything in.

Once everything’s been brought in and I’ve said all of my goodbyes I’m finally alone in my new place. I smile and start setting everything up, exploring the place at the same time. It was small but cozy, a simple one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. When you walked through the front door there was a small entrance with a closet that opened up into the living room and from there to the right was the kitchen and dining room. There was a little hallway to the left where my bedroom and bathroom were across from each other and another closet at the end of the hall that held the washer and dryer. I had a balcony in my bedroom and living room with gorgeous views of the city, a dishwasher in the kitchen, all my utilities were included in my rent along with the wifi and I could have a pet if I wanted to. Normally I wouldn’t be able to get a place like this but the owner of the building was one of my parent’s clients and they managed to negotiate an amazing deal; cheaper rent in exchange for a discount on all services at their shop for the duration of my stay here. It was their gift to me for my birthday.

I hear a knock on my door and giggling on the other side of it. I grin and open the door wide to see my two best friends smiling back at me. I invite them in, hugging both of them as they immediately start fussing over the apartment. Maria and I go way back. Our mom’s are best friends and were pregnant at the same time. Maria was anxious to greet the world though and came right on her due date, September first. I however, was not, and ended up being born on the sixteenth of that month. As an aspiring hair dresser with her long brown hair, big green eyes and impressive figure, she was the wild child between the two of us; I was more conserved and quiet, keeping to myself. Regardless of the fact that we were complete opposites, we were still inseparable.

Then there was Jonah. We’ve been best friends for years because he was Mitch’s best friend. Even though he was two years older than me, we still got along great and were almost always together. I remember constantly following him and my brother around, wanting to be included in whatever they were doing. For the most part I was, but, as we got older, they could do things I couldn’t such as parties and bars. Another thing that happened as we got older is when I started to notice Jonah becoming a man. His shoulders were broader, he gained a lot of muscle from working in construction with his dad, he grew to an impressive height of six foot three. When he turned eighteen he got a sleeve tattooed on his right arm. His black hair was kept short on the sides and longer on the top. I imagined running my fingers through it while gazing into his deep gray eyes, planting kisses along his olive skinned cheek.

“I love what you’ve done with the place C,” Jonah strides over to me and throws an arm around my shoulders. I blush and tuck a couple stray hairs behind my ear. I shouldn’t think about my best friend like that, it could ruin our friendship if he ever found out but I couldn’t help it. He was wearing a tight, black t-shirt and blue jeans, looking f*****g hot as hell - God Cass quit it!

“Seriously girlie, this place is gorg and fab,” Maria gushes. I grin at her before I turn to give my man, I mean my best friend - come on Cass, pull yourself together - a proper hug, noticing he’s wearing a cologne I had once said I liked the smell of.

“It’s great to see you, feels like it’s been ages,”

“It’s only been a couple weeks, you’ve been busy getting all packed and moved into this place and I’ve been working long hours to get all our projects done before the snow flies.” Jonah was now supervisor s***h project manager at his dad’s construction company and was in charge of multiple sites at once. It was a lot of work, required long hours, and too much paperwork for his liking. I went to work with him once and got to see first hand what he does in a day; it was absolutely thrilling and I loved every second of it. My reminiscing thoughts are cut off by the sound of Maria yelling to me from the kitchen.

“Alright let's get unpacking lazy asses,”

Once we finished setting everything up, we sat back and admired our handiwork. The apartment now looked like a home, pictures of my friends and family scattered around, plants giving the place some color, and everything was organized and put away. To celebrate, I grabbed some beers and snacks, handing them out before sitting on the couch next to Maria with Jonah sitting across from us in the armchair.

“So, Cass, you have this new place, you started a new school, does this mean you’re finally going to get a new man?” she asks. I haven’t dated anyone since I broke up with my highschool boyfriend of two years, which is little over a year ago now. Ever since, she’s been trying to set me up with her coworkers or other friends, nagging me about getting a man, and even went so far as to download a dating app on my phone which I promptly deleted. I didn’t need or want a man, and besides, there was only one that I had my eye on but I couldn’t have him. Maria knew about my feelings for Jonah and insisted I get it over with and just tell him how I feel.

“Yeah, isn’t it time you put yourself out there and opened up a little?” Jonah chimes in. He sounds nervous and looks a little flushed.

“You okay there Jonah? You look a little red there,” Maria flashes him a cheeky grin. He looks sheepish and runs a hand through his hair, he was definitely blushing. Looking away from him, I couldn’t help but wonder what their little exchange was about.

“Seriously, real talk, don’t you think it’s time to find a man? You’ve been single since-” I cut her off, my tone firmer now.

“Maria, don’t start with me please,”

“It’s been over a year now, you need to put yourself out there again. You fell off the horse. So what? You get back on again and don’t show fear,” I snort and shake my head.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” she raises an eyebrow at me and smirks.

“You can’t keep pining over someone for the rest of your life so either ask him out and risk it all or find someone new,” her tone is hushed and she snickers as I stare her down, telling her with my eyes to kindly shut the f**k up before Jonah asks who she’s talking about. She laughs and takes my hands, “Seriously, download the app, go on a few dates at least. Please, for me,” I purse my lips and close my eyes, rubbing the spot between my furrowed eyebrows.

“Fine,” I growl, pouting a bit, “but I’ll only go on one date,”

“Three dates, I won’t accept anything less,” I glare at her and begrudgingly concede. She instantly smiles and throws her arms around me. The three of us continue to talk about everything that’s been going on in our lives, drinking and enjoying each other’s company.

Later that night I say goodbye and hug the both of them as they leave, locking the door behind them. I sigh and lean against the door. Maria had made me swear to download the app within the next week. I got the feeling I would conveniently “forget”. I cleaned up, made sure everything was locked up for the night before getting ready for and into bed. Tossing and turning for a bit, I couldn’t help but think maybe she was right and it was time to put myself out there. Swiping my phone off the bedside table, I downloaded it but hesitated when I reached the registration page. Was I really doing this? Dear God, what the f**k was I getting myself into? I took a deep breath and a quick puff from the vape and created my profile, adding pictures and a bio before curiosity got the better of me and I started swiping on profiles. After swiping right on a couple of them, I turned my phone off and rolled over. It felt weird going to bed in a new place by myself. I felt a twinge of homesickness as a tear rolled down my cheek. Wiping it away, I turned my TV on, picked a movie and got comfortable amongst my pillows, curling up in my blanket.