The Knock

Tick Tick, a sudden knock on Mia's home office window brings her back to reality. "2:30 AM already!", Mia thought, while staring at her laptop screen. She opened the curtain of her window and peeked to see what caused the sound. "hmm, nothing sighs.", Mia thought, while staring back at her laptop screen. The past 6 months have been very stressful and life-changing for her. Here she is in the middle of the night trying to write down the person she wants to be and how she wants to achieve that. The only thing that she can come up with is NOTHING .... Dissapointment and pain kept her company the whole night and gathered around her. "Nothing sighs I can come up with nothing!", she yelled. Frustration and sadness silently joined the gathering. "Why is this so hard for me?! why is it so hard for me to just define me?!", she thought. For the past 29 years, she always tried to be the person everyone expected her to be. Being the perfect daughter, sister, student, lawyer came naturally to her, but it was very exhausting. She came to a point in her life where she wants to get to know the woman she really is and eventually the woman she wants to become. This did mean that she had to change a lot and cut off people that were not pleased with her growth. Taking these steps didn't come easy. Dissapointment and pain held her hand every step of the way. Anger and worry kept her company sometimes. Frustration and sadness are the friends she can depend on whenever she needs them. At the moment she couldn't find it in herself to invite her friends "happiness" or "love" to accompany her. She knew that she would lose her other friends if she did so and she likes their company at the moment. Hope however, is the friend that keeps her in balance. One of the friends she did have to lose in the process was "people pleaser". She really had to go out of her way to quit her uninspiring job and try to speak her truth to others. These actions did give her the feeling that she could indeed be someone more than just a people pleaser, but what? She didn't have a plan for these actions and she never experienced this before. She didn't expect it to be so stressful and that she would feel so lost. Tick tick .....