Fear of falling

*Chapter 1: The Weight of Grief* It hurts to tell him you don't feel the same way as him, but you truly do, just trying to protect the wall you built around you. It hurts to become a special adviser to so many people out there, but you are yet to find someone who understands your own heart. It hurts to have tears that fall silently, smiles that hide the pain, and a soul that's crying out for love, yet pretending to be fine. Can I ever get the heart of love? Pardon my manners, I'm Luciana by name. I'm twenty-four years old. My parents and two siblings died in a plane crash while coming back from a birthday trip all the way from South Africa to Canada. You're surprised I'm the only survivor, right? Well, I would say it was fate that was alive up till this moment. The memories feel so fresh in my head. I remember how I vehemently refused to follow them all because of a heavy period cramp I had that day. Only if I could change the hand of time by telling them not to go would I guess they would still have been alive. It hurts! It really does. As I stood there, lost in my thoughts, my phone buzzed. I hesitated for a moment before answering. 'Hello?' I said softly. It was him, the guy who's been crushing on me for a while. My heart skipped a beat as he confessed his feelings, telling me how much he loved me. For a moment, I forgot about the pain and the guilt. I forgot about everything except the warmth in his voice. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the chance to let someone in, to let love in. Hmm! I guess I was wrong. I ruined it just like I've been doing the same to previous guys that always approached me. Honestly, if you would ask me then I would say there's definitely something wrong with me. A part of me wants him badly and the other part strongly disagrees with that. I guess I'm weird (scoff). At least that's what people call me.