My Resolution

Chapter 16

A week later, Donovan still wasn’t talking to me unless he had to. He spoke to me at school and during training when the situation warranted it, otherwise, he just didn’t say anything. He wasn’t being mean; he just wouldn’t talk to me. I caught him looking at me several times which seemed to frustrate him, possibly making it worse. He still hadn’t told me what I had done to make him so mad. I had an idea, but I don’t understand why he hadn’t been so mad before. What's more, Steele didn’t seem to like me, and I just couldn't wrap my brain around why.  

We were released from class early the Friday after Donovan’s party. I was sitting on my bedroom floor, rolling the glass orb around my rug, my mind half on the orb and half on Donovan when my phone rang. I quickly grabbed it, hoping it was Donovan calling to explain what the hell the damn silent treatment was all about, but it wasn’t him. I didn’t recognize the number at all, I didn’t even bother to answer, annoyed at robocalls, Donovan, the orb, everything. Whoever it was left a voicemail, so I read the transcription. f**k, it was the admissions office at KU. Growing more annoyed at myself, now, I called back, hoping she would answer.  

“Please answer. Please answer. Please answer,” I quietly pleaded as the phone rang in my ear.  

“University of Kansas admissions office, this is Julie,” answered a chipper voice on the other end.  

“Hi, this is Valerie Warner. I’m sorry, I just missed a call for you.”  

“Yes, Valerie,” she replied cheerfully, “first can you verify your identity by your social or student ID number.”  

“Student ID number is 1076952? I think.”   

“Yep, that’s you. Okay, so I was calling to let you know that, with your scholarship, you are eligible to begin classes on June 3rd, if you would like to. We have you starting in August, but I wanted to make sure you knew all your options.”  

“Do I need to decide right this moment?”  

“No, but since it is such short notice, the sooner you know the better. If you can let me know by the end of next week, then we can get you enrolled, if that’s what you want to do.”  

“Okay,” I replied, “I will let you know once I’ve spoken with my guardians.”  

“Alright, Valerie. I’ll get you on the waiting list. If I don’t hear from you, then I will assume you’re waiting until August. Have a good week!”  

“Thank you,” I responded before hanging up.  

If I enroll in June classes, that means I don’t even get the summer here. I would have to leave in five weeks minimum. Honestly, I would need a little bit of time to get settled. I don’t even know if the apartment I’m moving into would be available.   

I talked to Mrs. Boone, and she said I should call the landlord before I decide anything because if the apartment won’t be available, then the rest doesn’t really matter. So, I called her and left a message, all I could do now was wait.  

I didn’t have any homework to do, since it was the last week of school coming up, we didn’t have much to do regarding schoolwork. Tobi, Sloane, and Mara came over on Saturday. We watched movies and ate junk food all day. It was fun to get to have a girl's day. We talked about our plans after school. Mara was going to study architecture at Barnard College in Manhattan. Tobi was going to go to cosmetology school and then get a business degree from Northwest Arkansas State University, so she could open her own salon and spa eventually. Sloane was attending Missouri State University in Springfield to earn a degree in education; she wants to be an elementary school teacher. Seeing my friends so excited made me happy. They still didn’t know that I wouldn’t be coming back once I had left, and I still didn’t know if I should tell them.  

I was still waiting to hear back from the landlord on Tuesday morning. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do but sitting in limbo was frustrating. Donovan still wasn’t talking to me unless he had to, and I was on the edge of tears all the time. I know this is what I had signed up for when I decided I had to leave my home and everyone I love, but I didn’t expect to lose him when he was still sitting right in front of me. I couldn’t be mad at him though; he was losing our friendship too and it would be incredibly selfish of me to insist he pretend he’s okay just to spare my feelings. After all, I wasn’t sparing his.  

I had started to pull myself back from the group; Donovan would always be here with them, I wouldn’t. I took a book and ate lunch alone for the first time since, well, ever. While I was eating my apple slices, my phone rang.  

“Hello?”  

“Hi, this is Carolyn. I’m trying to get ahold of Valerie.” It was the landlord.  

“Yes, Carolyn, this is Valerie. Did you get the message I left?”  

“I did. That’s why I am calling. The apartment can be ready as early as next week. The student living there moved earlier than expected, so it’s yours if you want it. I’ll need to know soon because I have a waiting list a mile long. If you aren’t interested, I’ll be calling someone else.”  

“Would the apartment still be available in August?” I questioned.  

“I can’t guarantee that. These things fill up fast.”  

“Okay, can I call you later today after I’ve made it home?”  

“That should be fine. Let me know something by six tonight; otherwise, it's going to be filled.”   

“I will. Thank you,” I replied before hanging up.  

“Well, s**t. I have to decide by tonight and I could lose the damn apartment if I don’t take it now.” I thought, rubbing my temples. I was staring off into space when I realized that I was looking right at Donovan, and he was staring right back at me. I lifted my head from where it was rested on my hand and smiled cautiously; he furrowed his brow and turned away. I could feel hot tears forming in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I collected my belongings and left the picnic table where I had been sitting. I returned my stuff to my locker and called Mrs. Boone.  

“Hey, Mrs. Boone,” I said as cheerfully as I could muster, “I just wanted to let you know I heard back from the landlord and the apartment is mine right now, if I want it, so I’m going to start classes early.”  

“Sounds good, Val,” she sounded genuinely happy for me, “When will you be moving?”  

“Next week,” I replied, “that will give me a couple weeks to get settled, so that’s good.”  

“Val.”  

“Yeah?”  

“Your senior trip is next week.”  

“I know,” I said as impassively as I could, “I wasn't really all that excited about Florida anyway. I’d really rather save the money and just get settled in my new house.”  

“Are you sure? All your friends are going. It’ll be fun. You really should go.”  

“Yeah, but Florida isn’t going anywhere, and this is a big opportunity,” I insisted.  

“Okay,” she responded, “If, you’re sure.”  

“I am, I promise. I’ll talk to you later.”  

“Okay, bye-bye, dear.”  

I immediately called the landlord back after hanging up with Mrs. Boone and let her know I would be there next week. I could move in on Sunday, the day after graduation, only four days away. I called the admissions office to let them know I would be attending classes for the summer, as well. I let Alpha Frederick know that I had the opportunity to start school earlier, and he was happy to approve my request to leave sooner than anticipated. My last year at home had passed more quickly than I originally had planned, but this is what I wanted.  

The rest of the week, I avoided Donovan as best I could. Friday afternoon, I told the girls I would be leaving Sunday for school, so I wouldn’t be on the trip next week. They were outraged, but they also knew Donovan and I were being “weird”, so assumed it was just related to that. Tobi swore she was going to “handle Donovan.”  

“Don’t you dare,” I warned, “he is mad at me, and that’s okay. He’s allowed to be.”  

“Why?” They asked.   

I sighed, knowing it was time to own up to my friends. “Because I’m not coming back.”  

“What do you mean your ‘not coming back’?” Tobi demanded.  

“I mean, I’m not coming back. Not for school breaks, not after graduation. I’m not coming back.”  

“Val, you can’t be serious,” Sloane interjected.  

Mara was quietly studying me but hadn’t said anything yet. Finally, she asked, “Why?”  

Tobi and Sloane looked at her and back at me, “Yeah, why?” They asked in unison.  

I looked between the three of them, “because, I don’t want to find a mate. I don’t want pups.”  

They were stunned, but Mara was the first to speak. “Is that all? You’ll probably change your mind, you know.”  

“Maybe, but I won’t risk it. I am leaving for good.”  

“I can’t believe you’re back on this,” Sloane said flatly, “I figured you were over it when you never mentioned it again. No wonder Donovan’s pissed at you. I’d be pissed too if my best friend were deserting me.”  

“f**k that. I am pissed,” Tobi scowled, “You’re being selfish, Val. What about your mate? Huh?”  

“Yeah, you’re not even giving him a say,” Sloane continued, “it's kinda shitty, to be honest.”  

“I’m sorry you guys feel that way,” I responded, resigning myself to listening to their objections. It didn’t matter what they said, it's not like I hadn’t seen all their comments coming anyway. When they had finished, I simply said, “I’m sorry, you guys. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and turned to leave. I’d only made it a few steps when I heard Sloane.  

“Val, wait, we’re only trying to help because we love you.”  

“I know,” I said faking a smile before leaving.  

I wasn’t even upset. Their reactions were exactly why I hadn’t said anything before now. This was our world, and I was going against our culture. I know I can’t be the only she-wolf to ever not want pups, but it sure as hell felt that way.  

The next evening, graduation went off without a hitch. In my class, I am the last student alphabetically, by last name, so I cheered each of my fellow graduates as they were, one by one, marched across the stage to accept their diplomas. I heard all the pups erupt in cheers when my name was announced, and Mrs. Boone was furiously snapping pictures. Thankfully, Donovan was gracious enough to pose for some pictures for Mrs. Boone, he was like his usual self, if only for a few moments before bidding us farewell and joining his parents again. I had decided against attending the graduation party, so I just went home afterward. I would need a goodnight's sleep anyway since I was moving in the morning.   

Lying in bed, I couldn’t rest. I was anxious about moving. I was afraid. I found myself second-guessing every decision, every desire, every moment. I had already chewed all my fingernails down to the quick and it was a wonder I hadn’t pulled hair out yet. For the first time, I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. Am I selfish for leaving? Wouldn’t staying be selfish though? Am I just a selfish person?  

My phone buzzing pulled me from my thoughts. It was a text message from Donovan.  

Donovan:  

-Hey, Valley Girl.  

Me:  

-Hey back at you.  

Donovan:  

-A birdie told me you’re leaving tomorrow  

Me:  

-Yeah, the school offered to let me enroll early.  

-I can finish a bit earlier this way.  

Donovan:  

-That’s good  

Me:  

-Yeah  

He didn’t text me back. I typed and deleted message after message before finally putting my phone down again. I didn’t know what to say, and nothing I could come up with seemed like the right thing. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up at six the next morning when my alarm rang.  

The next morning, I ate breakfast and was double-checking that I had packed everything. The apartment was furnished, so I didn’t need anything big, just my clothes and things like that. I had been able to purchase a good used car with some of the money from my parents’ estate. It was left in a trust that the Boones managed. I wasn’t allowed to touch it personally until I graduated college, but Mrs. Boone had arranged a monthly stipend to be transferred into my account at the end of every month and she had helped me find my new-to-me dark blue 2012 Kia Sorento. It wasn’t anything special, but it was mine.  

I was walking out the door to leave, pups and the Boones in tow when Donovan’s Land Rover pulled up the drive.  

“Come on everyone,” Mr. Boone announced, “we’ve said our goodbyes. Let's give these two a moment.”  

“You call when you get there, Valerie,” Mrs. Boone instructed, herding the pups back in the house.  

Donovan climbed out of his car.  

“I’m surprised to see you,” I said softly.  

He just looked at me but didn’t say anything.  

“Did you have fun last night?” I asked, trying again.  

He shrugged, but again, said nothing.  

“Look, Donovan, I know you’re mad at me. I accept that. I even understand it,” I paused, trying to decide what to even say, “Look, I have to go.” I opened my driver's side door and started to climb in.  

“Hey,” he finally said, walking quickly to my side.  

“What?” I asked growing frustrated.  

“I already miss you,” he said quietly.  

“Me too,” I replied tears forming in my eyes.  

He wrapped his strong arms around me, I melted into his hug, hot tears falling down my face. I heard him sniffle. “Take care of you,” he murmured into my ear.   

“I will,” I promised.  

I cried all the way to Kansas City. I had nothing left in me when I finally arrived. My chest hurt and my head ached. I retrieved the key from the combination lock on the door, unloaded my car into the front room, found the bed, and fell asleep.