Coveted {FINISHED}

|Chapter Fifteen |

By the time night had fallen, I had over twenty sheets of paper crumpled up around the floor of my tent. Every word I wrote felt beyond stupid, this letter idea was never going to work. Yet the worse thing by far was how I couldn't pour an ounce of anger into it, the general jest? It's not you, it's me. What a load of bull. 

I thought it would be easy by now, especially considering the fact that it's a letter ergo the fear of being punched in the face.

But still, here I was with not a single decent thing written.

Throwing my pen across the mattress, I sank to the floor letting my head hit my knees. "Don't suppose you want some company?" the gentle breeze of his voice brought a small smile to my lips as I slowly lifted my head. 

"Pretty sure the deal was I stayed here and none of you do?"

"True but . . . I kind of work here . . . so . . . might have a little trouble with that." Shane stepped inside, his hands tucked firmly in the back pocket of his black jeans, his brown eyes as kind as ever as they shone in the dim candlelight.

"Fair enough." I chuckled, crossing my legs. "But I still meant what I said, I'm done bringing trouble into your lives."

"Listen, I'm the first one up for all the peace and safety but surely bumping into each other at work won't add to any danger . . . I mean, after all, this is a haven," he said, as he took the seat next to me on the floor. He wrapped his long arms around his knees holding them up to his chest almost awkwardly. 

"Work? I don't work here, just another citizen."

"Would you like to work here?" he added quickly.

"Wait. Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I mean . . . there isn't really any pay involved, it would be more like volunteering but-"

"No dude that's . . . yeah! I'd love too!" his lips fell closed as his eyes held mine intently. 

"Great, looks like my plan worked then." He muttered jumping to his feet and holding out a hand for me to take. I took it with a puzzled look on my face until he filled me in. "Now that we work together, you definitely can't avoid me."

I couldn't help but feel my insides warm, my heart thumping against my chest in excitement at the fact my plan failed . . . well, kind of. Shane would be a daily part of my life, a constant interreaction but that meant I could still hurt him. Just holding my hand would drain him and just like that, whatever fleeting feeling swam around a second ago, descended into a pit of cold, burning worry as my eyes found the source.

"Shane . . ." I whispered looking down at our hands as I dropped his and took a small step back.

"Nancy it's-"

"You should go," I mumbled wrapping my arms around myself and jumping further back when he tried to reach out again. I kept my eyes far from his face afraid to see my mistake radiating from him. "Please."

He didn't argue, he lingered for maybe a minute more before silently rushing out and leaving me with my half-written failed letters . . . just like I asked, just like I . . . wanted.

*

The next morning was pretty grey. I grabbed some cereal and headed towards the fire pit to sit and eat alone except in this place, alone was the last thing you'd be. The minute I took my place on the log, I was joined by a redhead, her green eyes wide and bouncing as she reached out a pale hand to me. "You're new!"

"Um, yeah I'm Nancy," I replied shaking her hand and then quickly taking a bite of my food in hopes that a full mouth would somehow stop her from trying to keep up a conversation. 

"Audrey, been here six years, guess that makes me an original!" she said, as her body vibrated with a laugh. She was WAY too happy. "Bit late for breakfast, late start?"

"Yeah," I replied again, this time I actually felt pretty crappy. She was actually trying to be nice, going out of her way to speak to me and the most I can do is greet her with a shite attitude. "I'm sorry . . . it's just . . . been a hard few days." I added with a small smile as the corner of her eyes softened, her freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks coming to life as another gentle smile filled her face.

"Don't apologize! Everyone here . . . we're all here for a pretty grim reason it's better to express it than pretend." She added, except this time she continued and I was more than happy to go along with her. Something eased in me, what was the point of pushing everyone away? A friend couldn't hurt in this place . . . at least a normal one. 

As the days past, it turned out Audrey was my secret angel. The girl never left me alone, it was like she knew like we'd been friends forever. The first day was mainly her talking, showing me around and taking me to all her 'secret' favourite spots, honestly, it came to a point where I didn't have the heart to tell her that her 'secret' spots weren't all that secret. She filled any awkward silences with little facts about her and her son who's only word right now was 'Mrrraaa'. She lived one hell of a life before coming here and even though she'd faced death right in the face, she never lived in fear. It took me back a little, how open she was and how closed off I'd become. Did she expect me to open up in return? Tell her everything? As time passed I worried she'd get annoyed at how little I shared with her and then I'd be back to start . . . except it never happened.

Eventually, I was laughing with her, she knew things about my life nothing major but enough. Somehow it was becoming easier and I. . . I was becoming myself again. I couldn't tell you how long it had been since I'd laughed with a friend and I mean really laughed like nothing else in the world mattered. 

For five days, Audrey became my best friend. There wasn't a second we weren't together which on the third day turned out to bite me in the ass a little. She'd started to catch to the weird glances from Shane, the cold strange reaction I'd give and the hurt he'd express . . . all wordless but screaming in her face.

We were walking back from one of her spots when Shane stepped out of the closest tents to my right. Whatever sentence I had been stringing together fell dead with my feet as my face paled, Audrey next to me her eyes filtering between us. 

Move!

I'm trying!

Clearly not hard enough you i***t!

Okay, let's stop with the insults yeah? Snapping back to reality, I watched as the corner of his lips pulled upwards, one hand slowly drifting into his side pocket as the other brushed a strand of long curled hair from his eyes. He took one step forward before I grabbed at Audrey spinning around and walking us right back to her spot but not before catching the hurt slap across his face, his whole body stuttering to a pause behind us.

"So . . . are you and Shane . . ."

"No." I snapped hurrying over to the tree we had just left and thrown myself down on the lanky crooked branch. 

"Righhhttt." She mumbled, her arms folding over her chest. "Why avoid him? Shane's one of the most sensitive people I've ever met, that back there definitely hit his hippie spot and left it weeping."

Ha, if that hurt him, imagine how the rest were feeling!

"It's for his own good," I replied as I kicked at the dead leaves littering the muddy ground around us. My yellow converses were barely visible under the brown muck coating them.

"You mean because of his little healing gig?" she asked coming closer until she was standing right in front of me. With a nod, I was greeted with a chuckle as her body sat next to mine. "A little bit of a waste of time doncha think?" I stared at her with my eyes narrowed and my lips twisted in confusion until she explained. "I mean, even if you stay away and don't let him heal you . . . he's just going to heal everyone else in this camp anyway. Torturing yourself and him just so what? The same thing can keep happening? It's his gift Nancy, he's chosen to make it his job and you can't change that."

"He'll die," I said, cutting the atmosphere right in half. I raised my eyes to meet his shocked green ones. "If he keeps using his powers, he'll eventually drain himself to the point of death. I can't be the reason that happens."

"No . . . but . . ." her words trailed off as she looked to the ground, her hands collapsing into her lap. She took a deep breath, her eyes closing as she let the words fall from her mouth, "But if that is his choice, if he'll keep doing it regardless then. . . the end won't be any different but the journey can at least be . . . worth it? Fun? I don't even know how to make this sound okay."

I let her words fall over me as Regan, Ian and Shane's faces came into my mind. Just that was all it took for a familiar ache to burn its way around my chest. God, I missed them. But Regan and Ian really would be safer with me away, they didn't use their powers often not until I came along and f****d that right up. I couldn't even be in the same house as them without draining them someway but Ian . . . Audrey had a point.

And Jeremy? He's powerless and still cut out.

I ignored the voice and turned to my new found friend and without a word, I threw my arms around her throwing us back into the mud with a yell. "Hey! You owe me a new shirt!" she giggled hugging me back before we finally decided a shower would heal all our problems.

But it could never heal the cut from my heart all the way to my stomach every time I thought of them, not deep down.

Well not unless one of them was to jump in the shower with you.

Screw you, I mentally yelled at myself.

*

By the time the week had passed, Regan and Ian ruled the night. I made a point of only thinking about them right before I went to bed. Why? Because I refused to walk around like a dying puppy waiting for their owner. No. Enough of that. I was doing the best thing I could and I still had to live my life. But Shane? Now that was a totally different ball game.

Audrey's words still rang true but in my mind, so did I. I kept my distance but I thought about him pretty much every time I caught a glimpse of his gold hair, even after he stopped trying. Now, he looks at me for a second before turning away like we were strangers. Even his poker face got better!

As for me, well it's not like I can be butthurt over that, it's what I wanted.

"Let's climb!" Audrey suddenly yelled, jumping up on the branch I had perched myself on and beginning to lift herself up through the thin veil of leaves. 

"Um dude, I am not climbing that. Those branches look like they're suffering from some next case of arthritis." I replied with one eyebrow raised, staring as the branches weakly clung to their frame. 

"Oh please, give it a go!" She whined already perched on a branch high up. To be fair, the higher I looked, the better and stronger the branches seemed. "Just place your feet on the firm parts and wrap your arms tightly around each branch before you lift." 

Screw it. Why not. There's not much else to do in this place anyway. 

Slowly standing to my feet I clung at to the trunk, testing the branch at my knee before putting my weight down. Every time I had pulled myself up, I stood, shaking with my arms tightly wound around the tree taking deep breathes to urge myself further up. Thing is, I didn't realize how tall this tree actually was and by the time I was halfway up, the ground looked like the devil. "Oh. My. God."

"Come on!" Audrey yelled from higher up, "My five year old can climb better than that and way quicker too. Step it up!"

"I hate you so much!" I yelled up, my legs feeling like jelly. Why? Why did I do this?

I took another deep breath and like everything else in my life . . . I messed up. Instead of testing the branch, I was going to rest my life on, I just stepped right on up, lifting my whole weight on top of it only to be greeted with a sickening crunch. My eyes were still wide open as I felt myself fall, the air whipping at my hair and my arms outstretched grasping to nothing until the world turned dark and pain twisted and slithered its way up my ankles and leg. My back roared and my hips felt non-existent compared to the ripping sensation devouring my thigh and ankles. 

Audreys scream scared the birds around us as they chirped in shock and scattered, the mud wet and cold between my closed fists. 

Well, didn't see this coming.

I refused to open my eyes, the pain already ripping any words right from my lips if I were to open them . . . the pain . . . all of this . . . way too real too deal. 

"Oh god! Help! HELP!" Audrey screamed I could hear the creaks of the branches and crunch of the leaves as her feet hit the ground. It was a few seconds more before I could feel her fingers hesitatingly brushing my cheek over the pain. "Nancy? Oh god, I'm so sorry! I didn't think- oh god!"

Finally growing a pair, I pushed my eyelids open, squinting at the thin rays of sunlight hitting my eyes through the small gaps in the trees. Stupid tree. 

Not exactly the tree's fault dude.

"Ow." I breathed out, my leg now throbbing. Audrey grabbed my arms and eased me forwards but the moment I tried moving my leg, I went right back down screaming. "I think it's broken."

"s**t. I am so sorry!"

"It wasn't your fault, just . . . h-help me up . . ." I whispered, my voice wavering through the pain still ripping through my leg. Walking around behind me, she wrapped her arms under mine and lifted as I bent my good leg, trying to put all the pressure there yet I couldn't help screaming out again. Finally, Audrey had wrapped an arm around my waist holding the majority of my weight as I leaned against her breathless. 

"Look I'm going to find Shane he can-"

"No! No Shane." 

"Nancy this is-"

"I said no Shane!" I snapped, my eyes turning hard as I limped forwards. 

Audrey didn't say anything else, instead, she helped carry me back towards the tent ground with a loud huff. Except for the minute, she saw that golden bundle of blonde hair bouncing out from a tent she was screaming her lungs out and broken old me, couldn't do s**t.

Shane rushed over without needing to hear any more than 'Help'. Within seconds he was staring down at me, his brown eyes wide and frantic as he looked me up and down, his eyes narrowing at my bent leg. There wasn't much time for words before his arms were suddenly wrapped around me and I was pressed against his chest, the cooling calm sensation taking over any ripple of pain. Naturally, my head fell against his shoulder, the breeze barely noticeable as he hurried us across the grounds towards my tent, Audrey following closely behind filling him in.

My minds screams and protests had died, I was completely engulfed by him. He was my morphine and I was doped up as s**t. 

I hadn't even realized he'd sat me down until his hands were hovering over my leg, that prickling sensation starting up but that was all it took for me to snap back. "No," I muttered, pushing his hands from me only to have them come flying back. 

"Nancy, I need to heal you!" He yelled but there was no use. If he wouldn't stop, I'd make him. 

There was only one way. I took a deep breath, my teeth already digging into my bottom lip. This was going to hurt. Shoving his hands away from me, I took the second opening and lifted my body up from the mattress only to feel my leg tare open in pain as I crumbled to the ground, my face buried deep in the rubber of the tent. 

"What the hell Nancy?!" 

"Touch me, and I'll break it again!" I threatened, lifting my head up and throwing him a glance over my shoulder. 

That was enough to have him at a halt. 

"This is stupid. You are being unreasonable, let me heal you, Nancy." Shane replied his voice calm again just like the first time I'd met him. The worry was etched brightly in his eyes still but his voice refused to rise, refused to hold any negative emotion. 

"Please . . ." I breathed, tears pooling in my eyes. It literally felt like the bone had been crushed and my skin sliced open with razors but if he healed me . . . if he used any more of his powers than . . . it could be the last time. I can't be the person who does that. I just can't be. "Please just take me to a hospital."

Silence followed my tears freely falling now as I began to sob. "Please."

His trainers squeaked as he walked towards me, kneeling down and resting his hands on the back of my leg. There was no point. I was too tired, the pain too much to move away. Instead, I let him heal me, that feeling embracing my entire being as I gave up like a goddamn coward. One thing, I only had to do one thing and like everything else in my life, I'd managed to fail that too.

Soo much better than a hospital. Thank God he didn't listen to your crazy ass.

Once he was done, he sat back, his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap. "I'm sorry Nancy but . . . what you ask of me . . . it goes against my very being. Especially you in pain. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be here knowing you were in pain somewhere, knowing I could stop it and didn't. I'm not like my brothers Nancy, I can't stop using my powers whenever I feel like. I see one person in pain, just one hurt and it kills me inside to walk away. If I . . . if I had walked away, taken you too hospital and let you heal normally . . . it would have eaten me up. Every day until your leg works without pain, I would be in pain. I'm sorry."

I got it. Of course, I did, he was a healer. For so many years his one identity has been his power to take away the pain. It was unfair to ask but yet as the peace slowly turned itself down my guilt turned itself up. I knew if I turned around to look at him, he would be a pile of green pale weakness, a step further from life, so I kept my eyes tightly shut, my forehead pressed against the ground. 

"Nancy?" he breathed, I didn't move, didn't reply. 

A few minutes later and he rose making his way out of the tent and leaving me alone on the floor. 

It didn't take an empath to sense his emotions. Shane was crushed. 

I'd put him in an impossible situation, begged him to leave me instead he forced his way and I was . . . 

Upset? Grateful? Guilty? None of this was his fault. He stayed true to himself.

Thing is, I wanted him . . . I wanted all of them I hated this . . . distance but I hate seeing the s**t I do them even more. It's a little crazy how a few weeks ago my biggest worry was feeling things for three brothers maybe even all four and now? Now it's saving their lives. That's when Audrey's words span through my mind again. It really made no difference with Shane- he would keep this up even if it's not me he's healing . . . why make the journey to the end so shitty? 

If he wanted me too . . . I was just . . . making every last day a complete and utter hell.

I don't know what it was but I was suddenly on my feet throwing my flap wide open and hurrying down the different rows of tents trying to find him and when I did, it didn't take much to send me marching on through. He was thrown down on his mattress lying on his back, his hands wrapped firmly together and resting under his head as he stared up at the various bright lights sown together on the ceiling. The second I came in, pausing in front of the entrance, his legs swung over the side and his hands held the edges of the mattress with his brown eyes staring right at me in confusion yet still sending those waves of shivers up and down my arms.

"You won't stop, will you? Even if I ran away and you never saw me again . . . you'd keep healing." I didn't need an answer, I already knew it but that didn't stop the quick and firm nod of his head. "In that case . . ." I strode across the floor, his body suddenly hurling up from his mattress as my hands reached out closing around his shirt and pulling his body to mine, our lips crashing instantly as the whole world silenced around me, my body lost in that rush of ecstasy as I finally gave in to pretty much everything I'd ever wanted since meeting them.