Her Very Own Flame

Chapter 3 No Escape

Despite Arius calling after me, all I focused on was when Nikolai yelled, “Alexa, stop right there”!

No chance in hell would that happen. I forced my legs to run faster. When it comes to running, I’m at a disadvantage. Especially compared to Nikolai, who had a six foot three inch frame. So a head start anytime was necessary. And rounding a corner, I tried my best to get to that exit door before he got to me. When I didn’t hear any footsteps yet, I paused for a moment by the door. Trying my best to catch my breath. I really hated this activity. Unlike my entire family, the athletic gene seemed to skip me. Groaning, when I looked up and spotted him coming around the corner. I knew if I got caught I’d be in for it.

Shoving open the door, I ran out across the gravel. Making my way towards the surrounding trees would be my best bet. Because running in a straight line, I’ve done that too many times before with him. Each time he always caught me that way. As I got closer, I heard him come out through the door. God, why couldn’t he just leave me be? Groaning internally, I tried my best to keep my breathing steady. Unfortunately, it already seemed hopeless on that front. As I could no longer help breathing through my nose, I let out an annoyed grumble. I just had to continue talking to the new guy. Leave it to me to make trouble for myself.

While thinking this, I hear him shout, “Alexa, you know it’s only going to be worse if you keep running from me”!

I know, I know, I thought. However, one thing I seemed good at was avoiding the inevitable as long as possible. Granted, it’s probably better described as digging a deeper hole for myself. Thankfully, the treeline is in sight now. So, I just needed to push a little more. Then I could zigzag around the trees, making it easier to lose him that way. As I glanced over my shoulder, I noticed a look of excitement in his eyes. Great, that's what I need right now. Naturally, he’d be thrilled I chose to still run despite his warning. I think it happened to be one of the things he liked about me. As I refocused and came close to passing by the first line of oak trees. My foot caught on one of the roots that had risen slightly above ground. Falling forward, I soon scraped my skin across the dirt, rocks, and wood chips scattered along the ground.

Glancing momentarily in front of me. I notice my satchel now covered in coffee from my drink spilling. Groaning briefly from the sight, I soon heard him chuckle. “You were always a clutz, beautiful”.

I huffed out a breath in annoyance. Because this is so fun right now, I gripe in my mind. As I turned over, I sat on my ass. Clenching my teeth as the stinging pain from the scrapes finally hits me. Though he’s soon crouching in front of me. Letting me get a nice view of his toned arms and broad shoulders. Eventually, my gaze moved back towards his eyes. Then noticing a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Rolling my eyes, I tried to move a little. But I let out a hiss, the pain in my palms increased when pressed against the ground to move back.

Concern came across his face, “You really scraped yourself up good this time, huh”.

I nodded, solemnly, before allowing him to pull me to my feet. Quickly, I stepped back, causing him to shake his head. Sighing, he decides to ignore the fact I wanted some space. His hands brushed some of the curls that had come loose out of my face, tucking them behind my ears. This one gesture instantly caused my insides to melt briefly. God, why did he have to be so caring despite everything I did to push him away. Hell, running from a guy usually gets the point across to them. Grumbling a little, I started to feel somewhat embarrassed by my clumsiness. Despite Nikolai being a witness to it countless times. My emotions really needed to calm down. Being this chaotic, I knew it’d only set me up to spiral out of control later.

“Come on, I’ll get you patched up in my jeep, Alexa”, his voice was comforting as he spoke.

I knew there wouldn’t be any option to get out of this. Not like I’m in any condition to try and run anyway. Sighing, I began to follow alongside him. Stepping out from the trees, I noticed how far it is to the parking lot. This is going to be such a long walk, I thought begrudgingly.

“I’ll carry you, if you want”, he offered.

Amusement laced his tone, causing me to narrow my eyes at him. Of course, he knew I wouldn’t refuse that now. No matter how much I’d like to say, I hated being in his arms. Hell, even anywhere near him, we both knew that was a lie. One I didn’t ever successfully hide well. At least that is one thing about me, for better or worse. I couldn’t tell a lie to save my life. Pulling myself from these thoughts. I nod and he laughs briefly before sweeping me up into his arms. The skin to skin contact with my thighs made things tense. Causing goosebumps to break out momentarily across my skin. It’s not a bad reaction by any means. As he adjusted me, the slight brushing against the back of my thighs caused me to gasp. The simplest things he did could always get my body reacting. Most of the time, I’m frustrated by it.

I shouldn’t be turned on by such minor things. However, they always lead to memories from our past together. Quite a few of those are rather intimate. Sighing, a part of me held suspicion that he did this as a way to get me back in his grasp. Eventually, I lay my head in the crook of his neck. Breathing in his timberwood scent while shutting my eyes.

It didn’t take much longer after that, when he asked cautiously, “What were you doing with that guy”?

I swallowed, feeling nervous about answering. Regardless of what I said, I knew he’d be upset with me to an extent. Despite the on and off again nature of our situation. Every guy knew that it was best to leave me alone. Hell, I always avoided any interaction with men to begin with. Mostly because of Nikolai, but I still hadn’t worked through all my past trauma surrounding men. Anyway, that’s a whole other thought trail for another time. As I refocused, I couldn’t help becoming frustrated again. I should be allowed to associate with other guys, if I choose. But with Nikolai being who he is, no guy would risk crossing him. The man could end anyone's life in the blink of an eye.

Whatever he claimed to be his would forever be off limits to anyone else. If a guy even touched me, well they clearly didn’t value their limbs. This ended up being one of the things I despised about him most. His brutality towards other people. In this context, I felt it extremely unnecessary to react that way. Though he always ignored my opinion on the matter.

Furrowing my brows out of frustration. I find myself contemplating why I had to be the one. Out of all the girls here, I had to be the one. He hadn’t ever bothered with any girl before. But in my junior year of high school, the day after my eighteenth birthday, he had to pick me. After that, everyone stayed far away from me. It sucked not being able to experience relationships or even friendships. At that time, going forward, isolation became more of an important feeling for me. I guess that’s why I’m constantly fighting him about this. Personally, I wanted freedom from his grasp. Where I had a choice, I could associate with anyone I liked. Not having to worry about another person’s wellbeing at all because they spoke to me. Just that thought alone would be nice, I think to myself. Regardless, I guess, in the end I couldn’t deny it either. I had feelings for Nikolai. I just hated the lack of control I had in our predicament. Well, the predicament was more mine than it would be his. He had the freedom to choose. Plus, he absolutely adored me and made that abundantly clear throughout the years.

Suddenly, I felt him tighten his grip on my thighs for a second. I knew this was his way to recapture my attention. It’s easy for me to get off track in my head a lot of times. Sighing, I watch as we pass by some people along the way. Eventually answering quietly, “I dunno, Nikolai”. I paused for a minute before continuing, “I bumped into him even though I went to leave. He chose to follow”.

His muscles tensed across his body. Maybe I should’ve given more thought to my response. The last thing I needed to watch was him make someone's life hell. All because they weren’t aware they were doing something that isn’t allowed here. Before Nikolai could say something, I spoke quickly, “He’s not from around here anyway. So, it’s not like he would know not to come near me like everyone else in our town”.

I hoped my weak effort in trying to persuade him to be forgiving about the situation would work. It seemed like a valid reason, in my opinion. Though as we came to a stop. I noticed we were in front of his dark forest green jeep. Next, he’s setting me down gently before opening the passenger door. Pulling out the small first aid kit, he places it on the dash before turning to me. I give him an apologetic grin, which gets an eye roll in response. Then he moved me up into the passenger seat before he moved to stand between my legs. Grabbing the anti-bacterial cream, I watch as he begins applying it to my scrapes. As he does, I notice his straight ash-toned blonde hair lift in the cool breeze. Like usual, he looked handsome without trying hard. His sun-kissed skin was complimented by the fall colors surrounding us. I have to admit, I’m a little jealous of that. Some days, I wish I could look as effortlessly attractive. Unfortunately, I didn’t get blessed like that. It seemed I ended up the only one in this town that didn’t look nearly perfect in their appearance.

Though, I noticed he paused for a moment. Causing me to meet his gaze out of curiosity. “I understand what you’re trying to tell me, Alexa. But he’ll find out soon enough to stay away from you”, his voice serious as he spoke.

“Nikolai, please”, I pleaded quietly.

“Don’t start”, he warns, while his gaze becomes hardened.

Sighing, I only nodded. I knew what that meant, sadly. Looking away from him. I let out a huff of air. Watching as a few people here and there would pass by towards their cars. Some were brave enough to glance our way out of curiosity. I’m sure the whole campus felt on edge wondering what Nikolai would do about Arius. It could be terrible things he'd end up committing sometimes. Nikolai had never been a man to only give a stern warning. He and his two henchmen, well really his best friends, would always make sure to get the point across. The thought alone caused me to feel sad. Leaning back, I enjoyed the coolness the leather seats provided against my palms. Though he soon grabs one hand and applies the cream before tending to my other one. After he'd finished, I let out a sigh of relief.

Shaking his head while placing his hands on either side of me on the seat. Leaning in close, he gently touched my nose with his. Taking in my scent, he closed his eyes for a moment. I knew this meant that he was attempting to ease his frustration and contemplate what he’d say. Despite everything, he never truly wanted to upset me intentionally. So, he’d try his best to stop and think sometimes. One of the ways that’d help to do that, he’d always say, would be the smell of my vanilla and lavender fragrance. I didn’t judge him too much about it. Since I knew how certain things could be used as grounding effects. As someone who suffers from anxiety, I know very well the randomest things at times can help keep you anchored. If my scent did that, I would let him have all the time in the world to breathe it in.

Especially if it keeps his brute side from coming out. Granted, he still had plenty of moments despite doing this. He’d still end up being an asshole. Suddenly, he opens his eyes, allowing me to see that gentleness return to those beautiful navy blue irises. Instantly, I nibble my lip, which causes him to smirk. Rolling my eyes, I turned my head to look away. A mistake on my part, because his soft lips soon lightly trailed kisses along my neck. Instinctively out of habit, a small moan escaped from me. Causing his hands to grip my hips before pulling me against him.

“Nikolai”, I started, before he stopped me when meeting my gaze. I could see the longing in his eyes and it made a small part of me feel guilty. But I shake it off, “Let’s not do that right now, please”.

He only nods before encircling his arms around my waist instead. My head is now lying against his chest as a brief silence fell between us. “Alexa”, he says gently, while I feel his fingertips rub soothing circles on my waist. I just hummed in response while closing my eyes. “I know you want your space for a while longer. But I think you can agree with me on this, when I say that I’ve given you plenty over the summer break”.

This catches my attention and I pull away slightly. Meeting his gaze now, I wait for him to continue. Curious as to where this is going, I stay quiet. Though at the same time I became weary. Knowing that I could possibly be heading towards a debate with him. But soon, he continues, “It’s time you went back to living at my place again. It’s where you belong, babe”.

I scoffed at that while looking off in the distance. It’s not that living with him is terrible. The problem ended up being the cost of my time and freedom away from him. “Nik, I don’t know”, I said anxiously.

Silence fell between us. I knew he didn’t want that particular answer. However, having that separation in the day or night, even if momentary, I enjoyed it. Whether we were on a break or living in the same space, I wanted time to myself. The feeling of still being able to breathe and not seem trapped again. Well, I would always want that and the only way I got it. Ended up in a separate living space from him and that happened to be my family home. Plus, it made the s****l tension between us easier to avoid that way.

“Babe”, capturing my attention again, I met his gaze.

“Hmm”?

He half smiled while reaching up and gently tugging my hair from the scrunchie. Sighing, I looked away again despite how good his hands felt massaging the back of my head. I felt a small annoyance every time he let my hair loose. He always seemed to like running his fingers through it. I still don’t understand why. But no matter, as I began to nibble my bottom lip. Waiting for him to say something, a part of me felt unsure if I should go back. Even if I were to disregard everything so far. I still couldn’t be certain if I felt ready to give that last remaining trust to him. Fully committing to living with him and going that final step of having s*x.

Before I could fall deeper into that rabbit hole, he gently kissed my cheek. Causing me to turn and meet his gaze. He gave a comforting smile while cupping my face in his hands. I knew what would happen next. Regardless of the small part that screamed for me to stop it, the remaining part was more than willing to accept his kiss. As our lips moved together, I found myself relaxing against him. It seemed more reassuring than a kiss aimed towards sparking desire. Just lovely, I thought, as I pulled away.

Sighing, I lean back on my hands. “Alexa, you know I would never force you into it”, he says calmly.

I decided to remain silent. Not fully certain about what to say. Though he continues, “You’ll be safe while living with me like other times. If that’s what you’re worried about, I can assure you it’ll be okay”.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. God, he’s clueless sometimes. Reaching out, I grasped a part of his flannel that flowed in the wind. Moving it around between my fingers while I thought. It worked as a decent distraction and calming tool. Though eventually, I say, “It’s not that I’d feel unsafe, Nik. I just…I don’t think coming back yet is a good idea right now”.

“Give me one good reason why and I’ll drop it”, he said, seriously.

“You just won’t let me be, will you”? I asked, slightly amused.

He grins, causing me to let out a sigh from disbelief of his determination. Looking over his shoulder, I noticed some people starting to leave the different buildings. A sign it had gotten towards the end of classes for today. Great, one more thing to add to my to-do list. Trying to catch up on all the course lectures is definitely going to be a lot. Though refocusing, I said, “Why does there need to be a good reason? Hmmm? Why can’t it simply be because I want it that way”.

Laughing lightly, he shakes his head before pulling me into a hug. The embrace was comforting like many other times. But, I hear him say, “Babe, how about this? Even if you did or didn’t give me the best justification for not coming back. You know I’d end up coming over to your family’s place at night. So, regardless, you’re not escaping me this semester”.

Groaning, I playfully pushed his shoulder while leaning back a little. This playful glint showed in his eyes. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Though I knew he had a point. And the last thing I wanted was to deal with my family and their never-ending nosiness regarding Nik and me. Not to mention the many times he’s broken my bedroom window trying to get in. All of it had been annoying from the start.

So, meeting his gaze, I finally just gave in. “Fine…I’ll come back”.

Grinning, he leans in, planting a brief kiss on me. Of course, not a minute later, he had this prideful expression on his face. He can’t ever help himself. “Would you quit gloating, please”, I complained jokingly.

Chuckling, he shrugs, causing me to roll my eyes. Then I noticed the sea of people walking our way. My body tensed like usual when realizing I’m about to be a part of a crowd.