Her Very Own Flame

Chapter 5 Words Best Left Unsaid

I wanted to get out of seeing Nikolai later. The thought of what would happen when we talked. Well, it’s almost scary enough to send me into a panic attack.

Suddenly, I’m taken from my thoughts, when I hear, “Always finding yourself in trouble, huh, Alexa”, Xander spoke from the passenger seat.

Rolling my eyes, I flipped him off while answering, “I didn’t seek it out, okay”.

He laughs while shaking his head. I let out a frustrated sigh before leaning back on my seat. Gazing out the tinted window, I watched the crowd disperse. “I never said you sought it out. It just seems that you’re a magnet for it”.

“Hmph”, I replied at first before taking some much needed slow, steady breaths. Then I decided to add, “It’s not like I wish for things like this to happen. The whole thing’s frustrating, honestly. In my opinion, none of it should even happen”.

For some reason, he found that funny. As he chuckles before turning in his seat. His brown eyes met mine before offering a sympathetic smile, “I know. But this whole town is aware, if someone steps out of line, well, consequences are consequences. And no one would dare to, especially if it involves Nikolai”.

Groaning, I ask, “What’s your point, Xander”?

He grimaces while answering, “My point is, Nikolai’s not going to let such disrespect slide. Not in front of that many people. Arius stepped out of line, Alexa. Regardless of your involvement, what he did in front of that crowd…it’s a near death sentence, if not already”.

I hate that he’s right. Sighing, I nodded knowingly before glancing back out the window. After a couple minutes of silence passed, he laughed, “Gotta give you credit though. What you did out there was ballsy. Stupid, but f*****g ballsy”.

I choose not to say anything else. My mind had enough things to worry about. As much as I appreciated the compliment, I couldn’t help feeling anxious. Thankfully, where Christian parked, I couldn’t see any of the guys. Being able to see their expressions, well, that’s the last thing I wanted right now. Seeing them just might have sent me to my grave. Though as I thought about what would happen when I got to Nik’s house tonight. I remember him saying it was our home. Groaning internally, the last thing I wanted to add to the pile of problems is another thing I didn’t want. As I ponder the possibility of running away, I hear Christian get in. I didn’t even want to meet her gaze. But thankfully, she didn’t say anything to me and started the vehicle up. Driving off, leaving me with a lot of things to think about. Not to mention the list of things I should or shouldn’t pack.

Sitting in the middle of my walk-in closet. I let out a frustrated muffled scream into the hoodie I held. I’ve been packing for almost two hours now. Only having two suitcases made my options limited. Granted, I usually didn’t care much. However, this time, I wanted to make sure I packed everything that would provide me with comfort. Since my stay at Nikolai’s place is already off to a rocky start. And the sad thing is, I haven’t even set foot back in that mansion yet to make it that way. Falling onto my back, I threw the hoodie into a suitcase. It shouldn’t be this complicated. All I needed were comfortable clothes, school items, and books. Simple right, how hard can it be to pick out that stuff. Well, as I sit in this closet. I realized my favorite comfortable clothing list had grown. Not to mention, I have three entire bookshelves filled with a lot of good reads.

How can I possibly decide that in a span of a few hours? Especially now that I realize, I still need to shower. Perfume only lasted for a certain time frame. Regarding the smell of wearing the same shirt three days in a row. Plus, my face could use a cleanser right about now. Ugh, I just want to sleep. Drifting off into a far away dream, it sounded marvelous to me. Compared to the reality I’d be facing soon. After another minute, I forced myself to get up. Making my way into the bathroom. I start the shower and grab a towel. Placing it on the countertop nearest the shower, I let out a tired sigh. Gazing up into the mirror, I notice my gray hair has spread more. The patch in the front used to only be a couple strands.

Now it’s the width of half my forehead. Another thing that sometimes makes me feel down is when I see that. I used to have intense black hair. But now, it’s faded and slowly becoming silvery white. Granted, my mom would always compliment me about it. Which made it less terrible, but my dad and sister made me aware it isn’t something to be proud of. Pushing away from the countertop, I opened the glass door to my shower. Stepping inside, I welcomed the soothing heat of the water. As I washed my hair, I remembered how dad looked at me. Every time he’d see the silvery strands. A look of disappointment would flash across his face. The thought of this caused an overwhelming feeling of disgust to spread through me.

Scoffing, I can’t help but think. The only time that man has been proud of me is when Nikolai claimed me as his. Not that I’m surprised. My entire family has always been about social standing. This whole town seemed to be infected with that ideal. Shaking my head, I try to push these thoughts off to the side. Once I'm finished washing, I step out. Wrapping the fluffy towel around me before stepping over towards the mirror. With one swipe of my hand. I wipe the steam off the mirror. I am soon seeing my reflection clearer now. I lean in close to make sure I don’t need moisturizer for my forehead. Sometimes my skin gets dry after using a cleanser. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like I needed any today. Though my eye color suddenly captures my attention.

Just like my hair, the dark shade of brown had faded in my irises. Making way for a light colored green to make its presence known, just wonderful, I thought. Everything about me like this had started to change once I reached my teenage years. While thinking this, I gently combed through my hair. Then turning around, I walked towards my bathroom door. Flinging it open, only to find Nikolai sitting on the edge of my bed. Instantly, my body tensed. He wasn’t supposed to be there for another couple of hours. Of all the times, why did he have to pick now? Panic erupted in my head. As my grip on the towel tightened, silence lingered between us.

After another minute, I forced myself to go towards the closet. It’s not like this would be the first time with a towel around him. But, I just felt more at ease with clothing on. Especially when dealing with him in one of his sour moods. While trying to walk by him quickly, he reaches out and grabs my hand. Coming to a stop, I glanced down at them.

Then meet his gaze before he asks gently, “What has you upset, babe”?

“Nothing”, I replied quietly.

Sighing, he tugs me towards him. Stumbling a little before finding myself standing between his legs. I looked towards the bay windows in my room. Noticing the sun had begun to set. Though he starts to rub soft circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. Making me look back to watch the action.

“Alexa…I know today has not been the best. And maybe”, he pauses as if unsure whether he should finish that last bit. But intertwining our fingers, he continues, “I possibly scared you. But you know I wouldn’t harm you. So please, don’t try to hide how you’re feeling from me”.

Before I could reply, he gently kissed my hand. God, he always had to do stuff like that. The man could do things that caused all sorts of chaos to my emotions. Granted, he had a talent for reading me like the back of his hand. I have never been able to understand how he’s able to. Though I refocus myself on our conversation.

“Nikolai, I–I’m not hiding anything from you. We both know that’s pointless. You practically seem to know how I feel all the time”, I say quietly.

Sighing, I pulled my hand from his. As I’m about to walk away, he causes me to pause. “Then why not tell me, what made you upset in the bathroom earlier”?

Looking down at my feet briefly. I shake my head more at myself than anything. The last thing my family would want is for me to go around talking badly. Especially admitting that they’re not proud to have me as a daughter. Hell, if they could, I’m certain they’d disown me. But being Nikolai’s girlfriend, well, that had perks and usefulness to my family.

“I know you want me to share what’s bothering me, Nik”, I paused, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. The hurt they’ve caused hasn’t ever healed, really. Though the last thing I wanted was for someone else to see me cry over them. Even if Nikolai didn’t know, it’s because of them.

Taking in a shaky breath and letting it out, I finished, “Some things are best left to oneself, you know”.