my dark alpha, my light luna

Maze's POV While I laid in bed tossing and turning from bright ice blue eyes I seen in my dream, my alarm went off signaling that it was already 9:30am and that I had to get up to go get my new art supplies. As I was driving to the local art store i had my window rolled down and I caught a whiff of something that made my mouth water. It was like something I've never smelt before it also had my wolf Gia wagging her tail in excitement, but I couldn't understand why though. " Gia will you please calm down it's getting hard to drive with you acting like that!" I said a little annoyed. "I'm sorry Maze but that scent just smells like pure heaven that I wish I could roll around in all day... do think it could be our mate..?" she asked. I widened my eyes in shock an immediately pushed her to the back of my mind and heard her whimper. I sighed. it's not like I don't want a mate it's just.. the way things ended with my ex boyfriend doesn't exactly have me pumped for another relationship. yes mates are there to be your forever and to love you and cherish you but there are cases where a mate cheats or can reject you and I don't think I'm ready for either yet. as I pulled into the parking lot I knew I just wanted to get new supplies so I can go to my secret spot in the woods and just let me mind flow out onto paper. so going up and down the isles I grab some new pencils, liners, a new all media drawing book and some new watercolor paints, after I paid and get back into the car I make my way back home. once there I felt I was a cliche as I dragged one foot in front of the other, letting my body lead the way down this familiar path I always took. I found my mind going to such dramatic places and questioned why it was that the thought of opening up made me want to vomit and my legs tingle. despite knowing and understanding that the way I come off can be frustrating, I couldn't help but get mad that I was viewed as such.i wanted so bad to be easy. easy to consume. easy to be around. easy to love. suddenly I'm aware of my surroundings and they breathe in the smell of the damp earth. somewhere close by someone must have just cut grass in the smell circled around me, making me feel longing to use this feeling the next time I started painting. I wanted to capture the way the Earth smelt. the way it made my body feel. and feeling anything right now is better then letting my mind wander. drawing and painting takes my mind off the pain I feel, it's like numbness. an empty and longing feeling. a feeling of want. maybe need. my body knew what it wanted. and a part of me was angry over it. A mate. my mind wanders. fear of rejection. it was rare, but it has happened. to wolves no better than I. everyone I knew doubted me. their comments fill my head. it makes me feel like I can't breathe. and it just makes me feel more angry. I shook away those thoughts, my body ache and burned and all I could feel was my wolves desire to run. to get out of my head. because that's what I do. it's been awhile since the last time I let Gia out for a run. not because I didn't enjoy it, it's hard not to. the way my body feels free. like I can almost run away from all my problems. if only it were that easy. think about the woods behind my house. how the green stretches from miles, I think about the wolves hunting or simple just existing they're strong bodies pushing and gliding their way through the trees. I think about the ones who have partners by their sides, some partners are even but a simple smile and fragile human. so small compared to the wolves that guard them. our community was small, but we were all family. the humans here knew about us, some even being in love with such beautiful beasts. some fixated. in complete awe, even after years of peaceful living they are here for us as we are for them.