Warmth and Safety

Chapter 7 Part 1

He was frustrated. He was just frustrated. He tried to focus on anyone but Daniella.

Yesterday had been horrible. She’d stayed in her room most of the day, doing the laundry from her and Mari’s shopping trip. Mari had reassured him that she’d calm down, but that wasn’t the problem.

They were calm, perfectly calm. He’d set out his limits; she’d set out hers; they’d both agreed. He hated it. He hated it, but he had to respect that she was right. Until he proved himself and some time passed, Infero wasn’t engaged to Mari. He was still engaged, and if his brother failed…

If his brother failed, he wasn’t marrying the woman he wanted so desperately right now. If Infero failed, he’d be marrying Mari.

Slamming his opponent down, he pulled his pager up to give the young officer time to recover. The young man groaned as he tried, feably, to recover and get space. Nothing had come through on Ignis’s pager, so he turned his attention back to the fight.

Being a psychiatrist, many of the officers in the gym thought very little of his ability to fight. Only a few people could tell he was a god, and even fewer people knew him well enough to know he was a protection god. He missed sparring with Jay, as the young man tried to switch his tactics and rushed him.

Moving out of the way, he swept the young man into the wall of the sparring pit. The man picked himself up again, shaking his shoulders. His coworkers were reminding him of how sad it was to keep losing, and encouraged him to quit. The young man ignored them and continued his attempt at an assault.

Putting the fight to the back of his mind again, Ignis’s mind went back to yesterday. Not being able to really say or do anything about the distance she had asked for, he felt helpless. His fire already missed the comfortable dynamic in the mornings and at meals.

This morning she just grabbed her coffee and went back to her room. If this was going to be how the next few months went, he had no idea how he was going to deal with it.

At least the workout was helping channel his anxiety. He’d felt like he’d been hit by a truck yesterday morning. He hadn’t had any dreams, and he was thankful for that, but his body had felt so weak when he’d woken up. He’d felt better this morning, but he was worried it wouldn’t last. When he fought with her again, he’d feel this again.

He took a sharp jab to the chest, but grabbed and twisted his opponent's arm behind his back. As the young man dropped to the ground, Ignis released him and took several steps back. The dull ache almost didn’t register.

Shaking off the obvious loss, the young man stood up and reached a hand out. Ignis took it and shook it, before looking out at the small crowd.

Jay was off duty today, and he knew that. He still hoped to see someone a little more limber challenge him next.

As another young man took the first man's place in the pit, he decided he’d be thinking a lot more than he had wanted to today. Quickly checking his pager, he readied himself for the next fight.

…

“I don’t understand why you can’t trust that things are going to work themselves out, Nells.” Mari said for the third time.

They had gone out to a restaurant while the guys were out of the house. Infero had gone to fulfill his duties as a god, and Ignis was back at work. Mari had been talking to her the entire time about her flame.

Bitterness had filled Daniella for a second, but only for a second. She was happy her friend was so excited about something. In the palace, the only thing that really excited Mari was gossip, and even that could falter at times. Mari seemed entirely too comfortable with the situation she was in though.

“There’s consequences if they don’t, Mari. Do you want me to sleep with your husband?”

Her friend laughed, “I’m not married yet.”

Daniella shook her head, “If things don’t turn out well, that’s what’s going to happen, Mari.”

“I think he cares more for you than me.” Her friend said, poking food in her direction. “Did he like the dress?” She giggled.

Daniella frowned at her, “That was cruel and you know it. He was already nervous about that conversation.”

“He should have been. Infero told me immediately. I don’t see why he was so concerned with you dipping out.” She said, annoyed again. Even Daniella was beginning to have problems keeping up with Mari’s mood swings.

“He doesn’t want me to leave him before I give him a chance.” She said, remembering his explanation.

“Then he should be trying harder.” Mari said, “He left you alone all day yesterday. I don’t get why you’re avoiding him.”

“I don’t want to be a part of an affair, Mari.”

“Yeah, I don’t see it as an affair. I officially gave him permission to pursue you that first night. He had the hots for you before Infero had any confirmation about this whole thing.” She pointed out before adding, “And I was cool with it then, too.”

“You can be, but this doesn’t feel right to me.” Daniella said, remembering the guilt that had rushed through her after her dreams of him.

“This situation or him? Because if there’s something you don’t like about him, you should tell him now.” Mari replied. “He needs to get his s**t together too, otherwise I won’t ever be happy.”

Daniella reached for her friend to comfort her, before stopping. “Do I touch you a lot?”

“Does he have a problem with you touching me? Man, that poor guy has it bad for you.”

“No, I just-.” She sighed. “I asked him to stop the flirting and all of that. He said we should have some limits and that I touched him a lot, and he couldn’t read it right.”

Mari snorted, “You’re supposed to touch him a lot, you want him.”

“Mari, please be serious.” She scolded her friend.

“Okay.” Her friend finally looked up from her food to face her, “You touch people a lot, Nells. You’re a very comforting person, and when someone is upset, you comfort them. You pat my back and my shoulders a lot.”

“I didn’t realize I did.” She said, feeling absent-minded.

“If you really want to drive him crazy, pat his thigh to comfort him one day.” Mari laughed, “I guarantee even if you don’t raise his spirits, you’ll be raising something else.”

Blushing, Daniella swatted at her friend, “Mari!”

“I’m just saying. The fates themselves are messing with the man, and he’s still too controlled. Gotta provoke him sometimes.” She said, shooting her a dirty look.

“Again, I’m not comfortable with this.” Daniella shook her head.

Mari shrugged, “You’re not comfortable without it either. You were moping all day yesterday.”

“I just needed to do my laundry, thanks to you.” She directed a glare to her friend, who had already diverted her attention elsewhere.

“You’re welcome. Spite shopping is the best shopping, and I just feel you’d have had more energy if you’d known you were supposed to be mad at him.” She crinkled her nose, “But you’re not shrugging off how upset you were yesterday. You like him.”

“I-.” She paused. “I might, but I can’t-.”

“Then go test that control. It’s fun to break it sometimes.”

“No, Mari, I don’t feel comfortable with-.”

Her friend interrupted her with an aggravated sigh. “You won’t feel comfortable either way. Which way is going to make you happy? That’s what you should be focusing on.” She laughed again, “Besides, even if I do have to marry him, I’d like a good recommendation for how he is in bed.”

“Mari!” She repeated, but her friend just laughed.

“Oh please, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be curious. I’d have to have his kids, so I’d need to know it's at least going to be worth my time and what would be left of my body after that.”

“You aren’t helping me feel less conflicted about this.” Daniella told her.

“I don’t think anyone can. But I know if you both stay this stubborn, the fates are going to start dragging you around more than I am. And you already know how far I’m willing to go.” She pointed at her again, “You should wait for him to come home in that blue dress you didn’t like yesterday. I don’t think you’d be wearing it for very long.”

“No, Mari.” Daniella said, fishing the card Infero had given her out of her pocket.

Mari finished her food and looked at her. The pity on her face was apparent. “Look, I know this is hard on you, and you want to protect me, but I promise, I don’t want him, and I don’t care. If it makes you feel better, just go back to flirting with him, but seeing you mope around and hide is painful. You act like you two broke up.”

“We were never together.” Daniella reassured her friend.

“Yeah, that’s the problem. I agree with Ignis. If this makes you happy, then don’t give up on it before you even try it.”

Daniella shifted in her seat, handing the card to their waitress. She looked back at Mari, but couldn’t really reply.

How could she say Ignis was right? If he kept flirting with her, she’d always want more. They needed the limits or things would continue to develop.

Mari sighed again, “You can be miserable if you want to, but I don’t see any point in this. You aren’t hurting anyone by going after what you want, and you are hurting yourself and Ignis by not. He looked like a broken puppy dog all day yesterday.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him.” She said, realizing she was echoing him. And about the same thing.

He had hurt her by accepting that she didn’t want him to flirt with her anymore. She had set that limit, and it had hurt both of them. So why was he so guilty about it? This was her fault. Guilt flooded her chest.

“Well, figure out what you want. Because if you want this distance, you’re choosing to stay miserable and to hurt him.” Mari reminded her.

The waitress returned their card and had Daniela sign a slip of paper. Gathering up their things, Daniella led the way back to the apartment. She hoped Infero was there to distract Mari.

…

Infero and Mari met him at the door.

“Hey, Iggs.” His brother greeted him.

“We’re going out for dinner. You wanna join us?” Mari asked.

He looked at them, confused. “Where’s Daniella?”

“Moping still.” Mari’s tone flattened.

Infero pushed himself and Mari out of the apartment. “You wanna come or are you staying?”

He glared at his brother, “I don’t want her staying here alone. What if something happens?”

“I bought her a phone for a reason.” Infero said.

“Listen, why don’t we just get takeout.” He offered up.

“We want to go out to a restaurant. Get out of the apartment. It’s boring waiting around all day for you two.” Mari said.

Ignis hesitated.

Infero sighed, “Stay home, dude. It’s fine. Worst case, she’ll stay in her room.”

The pair turned to leave. He stood in his doorway for a moment, before entering the apartment. Hesitation ran through him.

Finally, he walked over to her door and knocked.

“I’m home.” He called out, “Do you want anything for dinn-.”

As she opened the door, he stopped breathing. He’d hardly seen her since Saturday, and now she was right in front of him. He refused to look at her for too long. He straightened himself and trained his face into the neutral expression he used for parents and officers.

“Do you want anything for dinner?” He finished.

“I want to talk.” She said, sheepishly dipping her head.

As alarm bells went off in his head, he asked, “Have I crossed our limits already?”

“No,” She shook her head. “I need to talk about those.”

His chest started pounding, but he took a deep breath, “That’s fine then. Let’s order takeout first. Tikka and vindaloo sound good?” He asked, moving away from her and to the couch.

He could feel her following him, “Yeah, that sounds fine.”

He sat down and pulled out his phone. He stiffened when she sat right next to him. She might not be touching him, but she was very close to it.

“Sitting too close to me may need to be added.” He muttered to himself.

“We’re not adding anymore. I want them gone.” She replied aloud, firmly.

He raised an eyebrow. Quietly, he finished the order and turned to look at her.

She was sitting upright, hands on her thighs, face as neutral as it had been in the palace. The urge to make her relax raced through him.

“I think I nee-.”

“I want things to develop naturally.” She interrupted him. “Not too quickly, of course. I don’t think some things are appropriate, even with Mari’s approval.” She took a breath. “I don’t like hurting you. And this isn’t making me feel any better either.”

He gave her a moment, to see if she would continue. When she didn’t, he asked, “How far do you want to let things go? We can readjust our limits there.”

She continued to watch him, face neutral, “If you want limits, then you have to promise they won’t hurt you.”

He hesitated, “We can adjust as necessary. If they upset me, I’ll let you know.”

“You won’t keep this from me just to protect me, right?” She replied.

He felt like he was being interrogated again. Despite her tone and actions, the burning in his chest had subsided already. She wanted more of him, and she was willing to admit she wanted more of him.

Even still part of him screamed out in opposition to the idea of telling her something that would hurt her.

She continued, “I don’t want to hurt you either. But I’m not you, and you aren’t me. We have to talk to each other, even if we’re worried it will hurt. Otherwise, we’ll just blindly hurt each other longer than we need to.”

He remembered the night he’d made her cry. How confused and upset he’d been. If he could have prevented that, he would have.

“Alright,” He said, “if it hurts, I’ll talk to you.”

“Thank you.” She replied.

He reached over, rubbing her back as she had done to him so many times. “So, new limits?”

Relaxing into his touch, “No kissing, at least not yet. Nothing too intimate.”

“Is this too intimate?” He asked, tempted to pull her into his lap and ask again.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” She said, looking away from him. Her blush was cute, and he was certain that he might know.

“I don’t. I’m not you, remember? If I could, I’d haul you into my lap and not consider that too intimate.”

“That’s not really letting this develop naturally.” She argued.

“I think it’s natural.” He retorted.

She glared at him, but he saw it falter.

He imagined pushing her down, leaning over her form, and making her call every limit out until she couldn’t speak. Forcing himself to focus, he took her face in his fingers.

“I want this to develop, but everyone has a different pace. I knew I wanted you before you knew you wanted me.” He pointed out. Her face softened, and his gaze dropped to her lips. Releasing her, he pulled back, “If I have to communicate, so do you. Tell me where you’re comfortable, and when you’re comfortable with more, tell me. I promise, I’m always willing to go further, Daniella.”

“Call me Dani.” She said.

“Do you like the nickname?” He asked, looking at her again.

“I already told you, I didn’t mind it.” She replied. He watched her gaze drop, and he could feel himself stiffen.

“That’s not what I asked.” He argued, “If you don’t mind it either way, then why ask me to use it?”

She blushed and turned away from him.

“Tell me, Dani.” He insisted.

“I like it when you’re comfortable with me. It hurt when you stopped using it.” She admitted.

He leaned over to her and pulled her body into his embrace. “I’m sorry.” He whispered into her hair. Feeling her relaxing against him, he breathed deeply.

“Is this no longer a limit then?” She asked, gaining a playful tone.

“This is not for me.” He pulled back, “If it’s too much-.”

She shook her head and leaned back into his chest. He held onto her, breathing in the gentle scent of her soap. He had never felt more comforted than with her leaning into him like this.

“I will set a limit.” He said, “I don’t want you to leave without talking to me and sleeping on it first.”

“I already said I’d stay.”

“With Mari, yeah. When she’s engaged to Infero, you won’t have any reason to follow those orders.” He breathed in her scent again, steadying himself. “I don’t want you to go without telling me, Dani.”

She huffed a laugh, “When you are seeing someone for your abandonment issues?”

Stiffening, he looked down at her, “This isn’t funny, Daniella.”

“Sorry.” She said, turning to look up at him. As close as her face was to his, he felt the urge to kiss her in spite of her earlier comment. “I won't leave without talking to you first.”

He stroked her hair, pressing her back into his chest. Burying his face in her hair, he sighed. “I’ll talk to someone about all of this. I’m just not used to it anymore.”

“Anymore?” She asked.

Every part of him wanted to keep his mouth shut and just continue to hold her in this peaceful moment, but he’d just said he’d be honest with her. Quietly, he admitted, “I haven’t had attacks like this in years. I thought I was done with them.”

“You used to have panic attacks often?” She pressed.

“After my mother died, yeah. Aunt Delora and Uncle Tannoh did their best to help with them, but I just had to let them run their course.” He replied.

“I didn’t know your mother was human.” She said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Stiffening again, he breathed in her scent and took a moment to calm down. Finally he replied, “She wasn’t. She was an old goddess.”

He felt her turning against his chest again. He knew there were questions she was going to ask. Some of them he could answer.

“She was made by the fates to get my father back on track. They had a rocky marriage, since he was rarely home and when he was he wasn’t the most understanding man. She was a strong woman, but-.” He took a breath. The dull ache returned to his chest, but he continued. “He wore her down over the years. When she got pregnant, she’d already petitioned to be removed from my father. Since she was pregnant, she couldn’t leave. The fates-. He ended up disappearing as per usual.”

She placed her hand on his chest, smoothing the fabric of his shirt. He took a few moments to ground himself in her again. After a few minutes, she pressed him, “What happened to her?”

“She-.” His head hurt, memories of his mother were difficult and he wanted nothing more than to ignore them and stay with Dani at this moment. Pushing on, he continued, “It’s difficult to kill a goddess. She needed time to plan, and her mental health degraded more and more. We were pretty young when she-.”

Daniella waited patiently, but his throat felt closed up. He could feel the pounding in his head start again. Gripping her hips, he pulled her into his lap, and buried his face into her skin.

He just needed to breathe, but as he shook into the crook of her neck, he felt like he couldn’t. He hadn’t thought about his mother in years, and the sudden reminder hurt more than he had hoped it would. Gently, she started petting his hair and held him against her tightly.

Moments passed, and she just held him, chasing away the memories of how he had found his mother in the moments leading up to her death. Taking a deep breath, he grounded himself in her scent. In the feeling of her hand in his hair. In the weight of her against his body.

As a knock sounded at his door, he jumped, pulling her closer. The pounding in his chest and head had started to worsen, but she shushed him.

“It’s our food, Ignis.” She said, pulling away from him. “I’ll put it away and be right back.”

He shook his head, stabilizing himself, “I’m fine, Dani. Let’s just eat.”

Her concern showed clearly on her face. He’d worried her again. These last few days, he’d only worried her. He pushed himself up and headed to the kitchen. Listening to her open the door and thank the delivery man, he started grabbing plates out of his cabinet.

When he turned around, she already had the lids off the takeout containers. “Tikka masala?” She handed him his curry.

He nodded, dishing out some rice from the container first. Handing her a rice plate, he grabbed his own rice and curry before grabbing some of the naan.

She looked at him, concern and suspicion on her face, “Are you really alright, Ignis?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, before continuing, “I think we can eat on the couch though, put something on TV for a while.”

She nodded and returned to the couch with him. His heart rate settled as they ate together.

Watching some drama on TV had kept both of them from talking about what had just happened. He was vaguely aware that he hadn’t gotten any hard boundaries from her, but part of him didn’t want them. Right now, it was easier to ignore that conversation. It might lead back to the one he hadn’t finished.

Instead he focused on the good food and the fact that she wanted him around her. Feeling her body heat so close to him started sending his body into craving her touch.

Not daring to pull her against him again, he waited for her to finish her food and collected their plates to do dishes. She followed him and put the rest of the food away.

“You should talk to someone about it, Ignis.” She quietly pressed him.

He sighed, “It’s not usually a problem.”

Her hand rubbed his back. “I still think it might be a good idea.” She responded.

He finished the dishes. “I’ll think about it.” Turning to look at her, he froze. “I love that you care about me, but don’t look at me like that, Dani.”

The look of pity faded from her face as she looked up at him, “Sorry. I just-.”

“It’s fine.” He interrupted her. “Late though. Are you tired, or-?” He trailed off, searching her for any sign that she may want to stay with him longer for something other than this conversation.

Her face was tired and concerned. “I think it’s probably best for us to go lay down. You have to get up early again tomorrow.” She reminded him.

He nodded, “Right. Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.” She replied, before turning to head to her room.

He laughed and called after her, “I suppose sleeping with you would be too intimate for now, yeah?”

She laughed, but didn’t respond. As she closed her door, his fire flared up again.