2003
1331 Words
It was my first full tour and to say that I was nervous would be downplaying it. There was no more time left to rehearse, no more time to run over stage blocking, there was no more time to do anything! I had spent the whole morning getting the girls ready, and now it was time for them to get on the stage. The crowd was roaring. My adrenaline was pumping.
" I never understand why you get so nervous? " Imani told me, stretching.
" My work is mirrored through you guys. If I didn't do a good job, it'll show. I don't wanna' make y'all look bad. " I told her, honestly.
" Jay, please, anything you touch turns to gold. I'm surprised you even took the job, I'm sure you heard the rumors. " she mumbled a bit.
" What rumors? " I asked, completely oblivious. For a moment, she raised her eyebrow to me, but then remembered that I'm a very secretive person, and my schedule is very strict and organized.
" Right. Of course, you wouldn't know, clam! " she chuckled.
" And what's that supposed to mean? " I smiled, knowing but wanting her to explain.
" Baby, you need to let loose, okay? Honestly, you are too good to be just sitting around and wasting away. "
" Well, I'm here. " I defended myself.
" Jay, this ain't all there is to life. Sure you're living the life, got a nice place, making good money at a young age, but baby you're still young! You got so much life in you. " she read me like a book, her eyes never left mine as she continued to speak on my potential. For a moment, I could have sworn that I saw an aura suddenly radiate from her.....
But it quickly went dim.
Her body went dim.
Her face obsolete and her body language read that she was uncomfortable.
I turned around to see the man they called R.Kelly. His eyes always dark, and I seemed to be the only one who noticed that. He smiled at her as she returned it before quickly walking away. He looked at me, but my attention was on something and someone completely different.
It was Rocky.
He studied me as I studied him. His eyes were full of wonder and his mouth seeming to water. I began to gain satisfaction from this, but again, Robert was determined to contaminate the air.
" You letting him turn you into some fag or sumthin'? " Kelly spat. Normally I wouldn't take offense to this but the venom in his words sent my blood boiling.
It ain't even like that was all Rocky could say. That's all he would say. But Kelly wasn't satisfied.
" Naw, ya'll around here f*****g? Hell naw, Rocky, what's your deal man? " he seemed to boast up at him.
He was enraged!
He was offended!
I was young, but I knew this all too well being a black homosexual male growing up in the middle-class neighborhood that I did. Normally the boys doing the most when questioned about their sexuality were always guilty, and Robert was guilty. You could see it all over his face. Rocky may not have seen it, but I did.
I decided to test this.
" You seem a little jealous, sir. " I chuckled. Robert turned back to me with a quickness I had never seen before. His eyes focused into my soul, attempting to dominate me. " I mean, why are you so worried about what this man is doing? No, we ain't f*****g, but from the way you sounding, we might as well be. You mad because I chose him over you? "
I could tell that the gears in his head were beginning to turn. Slowly, but those bitches were getting there. He took in the disrespect. He took in the visuals. He took in my words. He took in the moment. He looked down at me and just smiled.
" Quit with all that gay s**t. And if I find out that ya'll be f*****g? You gonna' regret it. "
He walked off with the confidence that his words did what he intended for them to do. Instead, they did the opposite. I scoffed, turning back to face Rocky who was just admiring me. Smiling. His gold grill sitting over the bottom row of his perfect teeth. His clothes slightly baggy, but you could tell that he had a nice body. That he worked out. Six feet, clean cut. Waves on swim. His chocolate skin, untainted by blemishes. It seemed to radiate with help of the little light that was pouring backstage. My dissection ended when I heard the crowd cheering, as I assumed Kelly had just walked onto the stage. The dancers were beginning to file in, smiling as they walked by me and into their places.
" This ain't over, pretty boy. I'm gonna' get to you before the end of the night. " he winked.
I watched him as he walked away. He just oozed s*x appeal. His bow-legged ass. It was the cutest thing that I had ever seen in my life.
__________
I watched the girls run backstage, sweating profusely. I had their waters and towels in hand, ready to tell them how proud of them I was. They stood still, catching their breaths and waiting for me to say something. Anything.
" Ya'll killed it! " I nodded as they all cheered, coming in for a group hug.
" Baby, you killed this choreography! Your musicality is no joke, okay? It's so easy because everything seemed in place with the music. I'm really glad that you're here with us, Darian. " they all nodded in agreement as I placed my hand over my heart.
" It is my pleasure to work with the most dedicated and talented girls in the business. " I replied. " Now, I know ya'll are hungry, and so am I, so let's get on this bus so we can get back to the hotel. "
They all followed me out the backdoor of the stadium, checking to make sure that they had each of their belongings. After they were sure, we waited for the rest of the team to exit the venue. After about forty-five minutes Robert, along with his singers and his team hurried onto the last two buses parked on the pavement. As our driver walked onto the bus, she looked at me, nudging her head towards the front.
" What's the matter? " I asked Justina.
" I don't know, but that knucklehead said that Kelly wants to see you. " she seemed nervous in nature and that made me nervous.
" I'll be back girls. " I told them, exiting the bus and being escorted to Robert's bus by the guard.
The door was opened, so I welcomed myself in. Everything was quiet. As I looked around, he suddenly appeared out of the small bathroom. He looked at me, giving me that famous grin. I grew to hate it. I hated it at that moment and I damn sure hate it now.
" You summoned me? " I spoke like a little English child.
" Yes. I wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding we had earlier. " he began. " Apologize for using that demeaning word. I had no right to judge you. To judge ya'll. I was nervous, that's all. But I really wanted to tell you how good you're doing. Those girls looked sexy as f**k tonight. " he stepped towards me a little, causing me to step back. He nodded, wishing me a good night and returning to his bunk.
I exited the bus with only one thing on my mind. One thing that I realize as I sit and think back on it. That bastard couldn't read or write worth a damn, but he sure had a way with words.
- Writer
