Not With The Daddy s**t

Ain't My Type of Hype

  " Mr. Darian, you are quite descriptive! " she complimented me. " It's like I can see the whole thing before my eyes. Almost like I was there. "

  " Thank you, darling. " I smiled.

  " So.......what happened with Rocky that night? "

  I let out a sigh.

  " It was just a cute night. I remember sneaking out of my hotel room to his, and we just.......talked. That's all we did. He got to know me, I got to know him. And that's why, even after everything that he and I went through, from him treating me like property, to him neglecting me, to him proposing to another woman, my heart still goes out to that man. He was my first love. My first chance at peace. He was my gateway. I trusted him. He trusted me. " I explained.

  " So what would you say to Rocky if he were standing in this room with you? " she furrowed her brows. My instincts kicked in. And one thing I've learned from living this life is to trust that gut feeling.

  " He must be around here somewhere? " she was shocked. She laughed, attempting to dismiss her bluff but that didn't stop the fact that I knew.

  I just knew!

  " So we'll move on from that one. " she spoke. " Alright. Honestly, what did you think about his music? By now, it's apart of the culture, it's apart of movements, it got people through some bad times. Adding on to that, so many people claimed that he couldn't read or write. Was that true? "

  " That was definitely true. One thing about it, Robert was successful because of his talents. Wasn't somebody sitting down and writing nothin' for him, he did all that. That's why I think it's so hard for people to really grasp the concept of him, but then again, it's a double-edged sword. You're passive but interested. You wonder, how can this man just stand in a studio, hear a beat, and construct phrases. Such phrases that make people dance. That connects to people. How can you not? Hell, even the greatest damn poets had to write their work down and reflect on it. But not Robert. I know for a fact that if Robert hadn't allowed himself to succumb to his circumstances? " I just threw my hands up. I had no words. " But the music was okay, it was never something I raved about. The only thing he did that I really loved was Happy People. Everything else just wasn't my type, you know? "

  " I get it, I get it. " she nodded. " So what now? Tour is over, what's next for Darian? "

  " Here is where the story gets a little messy. By the end of two-thousand and three, Rocky and I had made it official. Our young asses went and bought a house: nothing too big, but it was enough. We were taking care of our families, so everything at that point was perfect to me. I had the man of my dreams, a great family dynamic, and my dream job? God seemed to be giving me blessing upon blessing. But there was a test and I didn't pass that test. "

  " What was the test, if you don't mind me asking?"

  " Rocky was a producer for Kelly, so he was considered a member of the team. Everywhere Kelly went, they went. All the while, people are continuing to tell me about these allegations against him, and about these tapes. I'm a person that needs evidence, like, it has to be directly in front of me to believe it. God knew that. So one day, everyone was on a break. Kelly was doing his thing with the awards, the interviews, even his damn court appearances were bringing in attention. Rocky was gone, of course, but this specific day my girls were there. All of a sudden, there is a knock on the door. I go and answer the door, and there is this box. It wasn't big, but it wasn't small either. In this box were some tapes. On the front of each tape was a long white label. Now I've never been to Roberts' home, but I've heard people talking about certain places and all that. So I'm saying to my girls, like 'what are these tapes doing here' and they knew. They snatched the box from me, popped those bitches in one by one, and there it was. He was having s*x with under-aged women. I knew that because some of the girls on those tapes were my dancers. I hadn't even reached nineteen when all of this happened, and my birthday was way before everybody else's so I knew damn well..... " I started to tear up. " what was going on, and I had to do something about it. "

  " Wow. " she sighed, taking all of it in and trying to piece the puzzle together. Once she seemed caught up and on track, she asked her next question. " So what did you do? "

  " I went to the police. I had enough evidence, I had enough proof that could get this man convicted. Hell, I even had the girls on my side at that point, ready to testify against his ass. " I paused. Anger welling up in me. Confusion, still to this day. " In that box were specific instructions. I was told to give those tapes to a specific officer, and nobody else. I went in and he wasn't there. There was another officer, I won't say his name, but he made me feel like I could trust him. I was pissed. I was vulnerable. I wanted to put a stop to this. " I froze.

  " You okay? " she asked me after ten seconds of me just staring into space.

  " That was the biggest mistake of my life. Of my career. " I mumbled.

  I cried at that point. The guilt, the failure, it all came back at once. I couldn't take this. I got up from the chair, walking away and into the back area of the studio. I walked into my dressing room, letting it all out then and there. The sound of the door opening and closing seemed to be amplified as I lowly sniffled.

  " I'm okay. " I finally managed to force out.

  " No, you're not. " That voice. That familiar, once sexy voice, now demonic in my memory. I turned around, meeting the gaze of Rocky. His eyes hadn't changed. They were glossed over with tears falling down those chocolate cheeks. He had put on some weight, but it was in all the right places. I hated myself for still adoring this man. This devil! At least in my mind. " Darian, I...... "

  " No, no, no, no! All these years, and you decide to come back now? Huh? You think you can just write your wrongs after everything that happened? "

  " DJ, I can ex...... "

  " Save that s**t for the birds! " I yelled. I never yelled at anyone in my life, but I yelled in that moment. With every ounce of anger in me, I yelled. I wanted to hurt Rocky like he hurt me, and I was successful. " You let that man have his way with me, and you ain't do nothin'. Just sat there like a little b***h, like a little puppet, and let him play your ass like a fiddle. "

  " That s**t really hurt, Darian. " I could tell by the look in his eyes those words cut deep. They were almost hazel now. They turned that color when he was really upset and frustrated.

  " Ain't that the reason we all here? " I spoke sarcastically.

  " But this ain't fair, DJ! You haven't given me a chance to tell you my side of the story. And I thought that you would understand........ "

  " Too late for that......... " I lashed out again.

  " That man wanted you dead! " he finally yelled back. His eyes were full of fury. I know Rocky too well. I understand his emotions. And I knew that it was all coming out in that moment. " That man was gonna' have them racist cops kill your ass for turning in those tapes. I had to sacrifice myself, DJ. I had to do this for you! I made some f****d up decisions along the way, I did, but he told me that if I ever got in the way of who he was making you? "

  " Stop lying. " I spat.

  " He was turning you into his minion, Darian. " he walked towards me slowly.

  " Rocky...... "

  " He was using you to get back at me. AT YOU! " he emphasized. " You weren't supposed to receive those tapes delivered to our door, you weren't supposed to notify the police and turn them in. This was his logic, DJ! You see? That man had influence in places he shouldn't have, and now we're all left alone to fix the mess he's made. "

  " You're wrong. " But I knew he was right. He knew he was right. That's how he knew he'd broke through to me. He took me tenderly into his arms as we were both reminiscing what this felt like. He was stronger now. Wiser. His heartbeat slowing as he held me. This is how our petty arguments used to end.

  I pushed away from him.

  " This don't fix nothing, Rocky. "

  " I know this, pretty boy. " he spoke. " I know this. But I watched you. I watched you grow into a man. I watched you walk into your own. All without me. You know that wasn't the plan, DJ. I had to wait for the right time, and that time is now. We can't let go of each other just yet. We gotta' do this healing. Together! "

  I looked up at him not wanting to accept it, but remembering the path I was on now in life. I needed him and he needed me. We were in this together. That's what this whole thing was about, right?

  " I missed my pretty boy. " he cooed, taking me back into his arms. I gripped onto his shirt, trying to forget everything that I had to endure without Rocky. How my whole world had crumbled. How I was so easily coached into everything that I had done. But he was here now.

And that's all that mattered.