Damn, Fed by My Students Again

The roaring sound of a turbo, the piercing DJ noise blasting from the speakers, and two rich kids who seemed to be either high on drugs or just overly reckless, watched the scenery whizzing by as they shouted incessantly. With a loud thud, the car clearly felt a jolt, as if it had hit something, but neither of them cared to stop and check. "What did we hit just now?" "I don't know, probably a bird flying by." And so, unnoticed by anyone, Ruan Haotian died. Floating silently in mid-air, watching his body lying in the green belt, Ruan Haotian found it somewhat ironic. People always thought that once you die, it's all over, but now it seemed that after death, one did indeed have a soul. "Darn it, if I get discovered like this, it would be so embarrassing. If my mom found out, she'd probably faint." Ruan Haotian wiped the cold sweat off his forehead. His current appearance was the last thing he wanted others to see because, for certain reasons, he was dressed and groomed in a rather effeminate way. "Ah, darn it, this offline gathering. If only I didn't attend. Tomorrow's headlines online will probably read: High School Teacher Found Dead in Green Belt in Mysterious Circumstances, Was Overly Feminine Before Death? No, my hard-earned reputation!" Regretting his peculiar habits, Ruan Haotian couldn't help but feel tears welling up. He deeply wished for someone to find his body and at least help cover it up. "Oh, dear, look at what I found, such an adorable child." Just when Ruan Haotian had given up hope, he suddenly heard voices behind him. It seemed like he was about to be discovered. He wondered if he could find a way to communicate with this person, or at the very least, get some help changing his clothes. But when he turned around, Ruan Haotian abandoned that thought. What in the world was before his eyes? Two wild cats! "Move aside, that's my body, not some tasty salted fish. Shoo, shoo." Regardless of whether the two cats could understand him, Ruan Haotian struggled to shoo them away from his corpse. "Fool, salted fish in ancient times means a corpse. We're not interested in your corpse." "What?" Ruan Haotian seemed shocked. He initially thought it was just his imagination that the cats were talking—after all, who knows what kind of side effects there are after death. However, these two cats were making distinctly human-like expressions, which appeared to be expressions of disdain. "Calling me a fool and then acting all cute. Pitiful, not only are you inclined towards aiding others, you're also naturally clueless. Do people not usually slip on soap and get slapped?" "..." Being mocked by two cats, Ruan Haotian was at a loss for words. To think that cats could now mock people. Were these two cats actually undercover agents sent by the cat planet to Earth? Wait, perhaps he had just made a shocking discovery after death. Could it be that the cat race really was an evil species aiming to dominate Earth? "It seems like he's pondering something quite rude. Dear, let's not bother with this guy; let him be found in the bushes." "No, no, no, that's too boring. Look at his rude appearance. Why don't we pull his pants down and make it seem like he's been anally beaten before being discovered? It'll surely be more comical." "Dear, you're so naughty; let's do it." Wait a minute, are you really just two cats? Isn't that too wicked? And are you really going to do that? And where did you even find that soap? Stop! Let go of my body! Watching the two cats play around with his body, Ruan Haotian was left in disarray. Today, not only did he die, but he was also being toyed with by two cats. It was truly a day of misfortunes. He hoped that in the afterlife, there would be no harm. "Hahaha, look at his expression, so funny. Alright dear, let's stop teasing him; it's time to get serious." The two cats stopped their mischief and watched as Ruan Haotian coughed. It was then that he realized those weren't two cats at all but two beautiful women. "Uh, I must be seeing things... Hey, ladies, care to go out with me?" "..." This time it was the two ghostly messengers who were left befuddled. Ruan Haotian's chatting-up method, resembling online flirting, was just bizarre. Even as a ghost, did he still need to flirt so openly? Was this what they called turning into a ghost and still acting carefree even in death? "I think in handling the soul whose lifespan hasn't ended, we should consider other options." "Dear, I think we should do as you say. How about we use this dark crystal brought back by the boss on his business trip last time, put his soul in it, and then toss it into a parallel world like Northrend Island?" Hey, wait a moment. Isn't that the birth process of some Lich King or something? Are you two Kil'jaeden by any chance? Sorry, I'll keep quiet; please continue with your conversation. "No, the dark crystal will infinitely enhance one's spiritual power, essentially littering parallel worlds. We'd get complaints and be investigated; it's better to put his soul in a pig's body, then find a bald little monk to take him as a second disciple and potential emergency food." Big bro, I'm not the Marshal Canopy; I can't be a second disciple. Plus, this is modern times, even if there's a journey to the Western Paradise, it takes just a few hours to fly there with airplanes. "Then let's just send him to Japan. It's said there are evil spirits there that can open a dark space and enter a world called Huqin. When his soul can't be found, authorities won't blame us to help him resurrect." Help, this is an assassination plan! "Yo, I messed up; please, give me a second chance at life. I'm young, still single, haven't reached Diamond rank in League, and have countless unfulfilled dreams. Please don't play with me." Ruan Haotian finally realized that these two were actually underworld messengers. Were they chosen based on their looks? One was cute, the other cool, making him want to flirt with them, but their conversation was quite sinister. The two messengers glanced at him, shrugged, and said, "Recognizing your mistakes and trying to amend them is a great virtue. However, wanting a second chance at life isn't so simple." Seeing the two ghostly messengers holding out their fingers, Ruan Haotian's face darkened. Corruption extended to the underworld too? Did these messengers also demand money to do their job? Truly, King Yama is easy to meet, but the little ghosts are hard to deal with. These two were clearly intent on tormenting him. "I don't have money, I don't have my life either... so do what you want." Feeling somewhat despondent, Ruan Haotian simply lay down on the ground and rolled over. After all, a dead pig isn't afraid of boiling water. He was already dead; he couldn't control whatever they were about to do.