The Love That Remains

Untitled

I am in my man’s favorite band concert “ December Avenue”, I silently listening to their song, “Kahit sa panaginip” this was our dream, attending his favorite band concert listening to their heart breaking songs even though we are in love, But here I am watching them --- alone.  My tears suddenly start falling nonstop, remembering Jayvee, my first love my angel in heaven. Jayvee was diagnosed with dementia, he was just 25 years old that time, I was in pain when I found out that he is sick, that one of these days he will forget about me. They say memories are the only thing that someone will hold onto, that everything might end but memories last forever, but not in this case. He started creating a list of things he wanted to do while he is still capable, he told me once that he wants to try ridding a jeepney because he never tried ridding one before, I just smiled at him even though I’m sullen inside. A week after he finished his list, no. 1 on the list is to ride the jeepney, we asked his parents approval, and they easily let us. We rented 1 jeepney and a driver, for a day, I don’t know why I was so sullen the whole time even though I am happy. It hits different ridding jeepney with Jayvee, I can clearly saw him smiling, laughing and telling some jokes but inside I know what he really feels and its killing me. After the whole day of ridding the jeepney talking about things we wanted to achieve before that certain time come the jeep stops, we are in awe when we saw the beautiful scenery, its almost dawn and we can see how beautiful the sun as it slowly disappear then he sang some part of his favorite song Time to go,

It's time to go

Someone has to move on

But I don't believe I'm strong

That's what you should know

I find it hard to leave you

And I just can't understand

What am I without you?

My tears began to fell, my heart breaks into pieces -- a thousand pieces, how can I let go of this man, the man who show me how beautiful love is, next to my family. When I look at him I saw how sad his eyes was, he was crying but he was smiling, our eyes do the talking. Our day end with sadness and tears. I thought we will still have enough time together, that we will be able to do the second wish on his list but he started forgetting some information, when I came to their house he blankly asked who I am, I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I thought I am ready when this day come but I guess I am not. I told him who I am that I am Diana, his girlfriend but it seems like he really forgot everything about me. I even open his f******k account and show him our in a relationship status, but he just end up questioning who really I am. I continue showing him all the shared tagged post, all the conversation every pictures on our f******k account. I am slowly losing hope when I saw his blanked stare as if he really don’t know me. It addends the pain that I am feeling, his mom just tell me to be strong no matter what, the only thing I am holding right now is the love I have for him.

As day passes, he starting to forget more details, I also started sleeping to their house to take care of him, because of Dementia, his motor control is affected, he cannot eat alone, he’s speaking skills is also affected, he can’t speak continuously. Another thing that breaks my heart is that he look at me like nothing, sometimes he makes me feel like I am his maid.

4 months, time really is cruel, for four months I thought I already cry all my tears, but then I never knew something painful is coming. After his 26th birthday he never wakes up, I was waking him that morning but I felt his hands was all cold and he’s not breathing, I just hold his hands, crying in sorrow singing one of the verse in a song I created for him,

“We promise to love each other

Till death to us part together

But now we end up,

With broken vows, goodbye my love

Goodbye to memories that we share

The vows that gets our heart broken

Let the sky meet our paths again.”

Back to the present, I’m still in the concert, This band has played a huge role in my not so happy ending love story. Time is very cruel you should treasure people and the time we have with them. f******k, our status and photo will stay in f******k forever. Jeepney, his first and last ride was with me, and I will treasure that memories with him. I fall in love with the right person, no questions asked. But destiny played well. I am Diana, Jayvee’s first and last girlfriend, victim of destiny’s cruelty.