I’ll Find My Way Back

As I’m finishing packing up what remains of my bedroom before heading off to college I can’t help but feel somewhat relieved. Josiah doesn’t want me to go but there is no way I can make up some kind of excuse to continue to stay home. Besides, if I were to convince my parents, they would probably have me married to Henry before the year is out. Still yet, leaving today makes me have a lump in my throat. Josiah hasn’t spoken to me since last week when I last seen him: “Hey, Kat?” Josiah whispered. “What is it?” I questioned back. “Why can’t we just leave together?” He demanded. “You know we wouldn’t even make it out of town without them catching us, and then what would become of you?” I insisted. We have been through this over and over, and no matter what way we go about it there is no option out currently. Josiah huffed. His eyebrows furrowed with his eyes shut. He rolls away from me. I can feel the tension in the air, thick enough to cut with a knife, heck I feel like I can reach up and grab it with my hands even without a knife. “Don’t huff at me please.. you know I won’t be in town for awhile once I leave for Vanderbilt..” I can’t stand it when he shuts off from me and he knows it. “It’s fine Kat, you don’t need me anyway, you make it clearer everyday that you don’t” Josiah snapped. He turned and looked at me and I don’t think that I have ever seen him so furious. And before I could say anything else he left. My father would have Josiah ran out of town if he even suspected we were an item. Or I would find a way to stay. No matter how many times I have wanted to just tell my father that I have found who I want to be with, I just can’t face him. I leave today, regardless of if Josiah wants to see me or not, I have to go see him before I go. Dad is in his study, “hey dad, I’m going to run by and see Lily before I head out” I yell. “Be safe!” He yells back. I grab my jacket and my keys and drive down to the lake, it’s been really hot today even for July and I’m sure Josiah will be by our spot. I still can’t believe he just left the other night without barely saying anything. He’s known this day has been coming for a long time. And there he sits, on the ground, leaned back with his arms holding him up. “I figured you’d be here” I say as I sit down next to him. “It’s not like this is the end of us” I giggle as he turns his head towards me. “I never said it would be the end for us Kat, I asked you to just leave with me, we could go anywhere..” Josiah says looking into the lake. “I would be able to see to us going “anywhere” by going on to college though Jo” I reason with him. He knows I love him. He knows I always have. We make our way to the lake house to spend what few hours we have left together. He holds me in his arms for what feels like forever, I can feel the heat from his sunburn. I’m surprised he’s burned at all with how tanned he already is, but this heat has been unreal. I wake up not even realizing we had fallen asleep. “Oh my Lord, NO!” I yell as I see I have 15 missed calls from my father. I quickly text him: “I dozed off” send. “I don’t have time to come back by the house” send. “I’m just glad you’re okay” received. “Be careful on you drive down, I’ll drive down tomorrow to make sure you’re settled into the house.” Received. The house. After we had discussed I wanted to be in the dorms. But it is what it is. It’s too late to argue now. I kiss Jo goodbye and he says “don’t forget me while you’re gone.” “I could never!” I yell to him. I hate leaving him here. I hate this more than anything.