The Girl I Once Loved

Amara's POV I stared at myself in the mirror. I look lifeless. I small B cups, my butt is flat and I do not have any curves to me. My hair looks like a dull dark brown mess that I usually pile into a messy bun. My eyes just look boring brown and dull. There is nothing special about me. I would never be able to attract a guy. Nor do I ever want to. Ever since 8th grade, I have wanted to be invisible. I have lost my best friend and never got a chance to make new friends. I never tried. I feel this overwhelming feeling of escaping and never wanted to bring anyone into this mess I have found myself in. I spent half of 8th grade and the first three years of high school in a small town three hours away from my hometown. Now, my family is back and I am about to start my senior year at Stary Park High. I don't know why I am so nervous to start. I know some of the kids from when I used to go to elementary. With a sigh, I tore my eyes away from the mirror to get dressed. I throw on a long sleeved gray shirt and some jeans. It is still pretty warm out for August, but I hate showing much of my body off. I made sure my necklace looked right, but then decided to tuck it away into my shirt. I head down to breakfast where mom is by the stove, preparing food while the twins are fighting. Max and Zack are going into 8th grade. They are the best of friends and do everything together. It must be nice to have a built-in best friend. Watching them bickering makes me miss my best friend. We were always inseparable and practically lived at each other's houses. "Mom, Zack took my binder," Max wails as he is reaching over to grab back the binder. "No way, this one is mine. That one is yours," Zack counters back, pointing at the forgotten binder on the table. "But I already called dibs on that one," Max says grumpily. "Will you both quit it," Mom finally gets in a few words. "Just take the binder and settle down. It's breakfast time." Mom says sternly. "Yes, mom," They both chorus together. I was still standing by the doorway, watching the interaction. Mom notices me first. "Hi sweetie," Her voice gets softer. I hate it. Everyone has basically been walking on eggshells around me. Well, at least, mom and dad have. Max and Zack seem to be in their own little bubble. I smile weakly at her and make my way to the table. "How are you feeling?" Mom asks. "I am fine," I know she worries about me. I have been withdrawn these past few years. She also was not very happy when the therapist suggested we move back. Dad had to talk her into it. She gives me a look with those sad eyes like she wants to say more, but she refrains from doing so. She plates food and puts it in front of each of us. I look at the food and start to poke at it. I don't have much of an appetite. Have not in a while. Even more so this morning with how nervous I am. But I can feel mom staring at me. I don't need her to make any of her comments. So I start to eat my eggs slowly. "Are you sure you don't want a ride, sweetie?" mom asks. "I am sure mom, I am perfectly fine with walking." I told her. And honestly, I am. It'll be some time for me to just be able to just try to focus on my breathing without anyone else around. Plus, I don't need to be embarrassed on my first day by getting a ride from my mom. "Ok," she says. "Hurry up you too. We need to get going." She tells the twins as she is cleaning up. I finish my food and put the plate in the sink. I turn to grab my bag and head to the door. "I will see you later." I call out from the door. "Be safe sweetie," I hear her say from the kitchen. I know she misses getting a goodbye kiss on the cheek on my way out but I don't do that anymore. I hate touching other people and when they touch me. School is a decent walk away. I take my time to get there. This walk will be hard in the winter time but that seems like a future me problem. I finally make it to school and I feel my anxiety begin to rise. Everyone is bustling around. Upper classman are calling out to each other, excited to see each other after a whole summer away. Freshman are nervously moving around trying to figure out the lay of the school and get to their first class. I really do not miss this. I start to think this was a bad idea but yet again, I would still feel this way if I was at my old school. I see some students that I recognize from grade school but of course, they all look older now. I see some pointing but I do not pay it any attention. They probably think that I am some weird new kid. I make my way to the front office. It was decided a bit late that we would be moving back so I was late to register for this year. They did not have time to send me a schedule before school started. "Ahh, Miss Parker," the administrator says after I told her my name. "I have your schedule right here. Looks like you are in AP English first. Do you know where to go?" "No ma'am," I tell her. I hear the faint sound of the bell coming from the hallway. "Well, seems like you are going to be late. Here take this pass. You are going to make a left once you leave this office. Your locker will be down that hallway. Then you will make the next right and find the door to the left. Here is a map for the rest of your classes. As I leave the office, I hear the second bell go off. Great, now I will be late on the first day. What a great first impression.