THE VOW

"I apologize, Mr. Yusuf. We tried our best, but... Dr Hasan slouched and spoke in a scripted manner. He forced a deep breath and took off his blue cap. The words hit me like a punch in the gut. The world around me was moving slowly as I stood in the hospital hallway. As though nothing had happened, nurses went by. I could not breathe, so I arched my back and paced with my hands on my knees. Are you okay, Mr. Yusuf? The voice of the doctor sounded distant. How could he have asked me such a foolish question? Dania had just left, he just informed me. "Yeah," I replied, "Can I see her body?" My voice was hoarse and had the sound of a marathon runner. Yes, we'll wait a little while. He took me into the space where they had just made a last-ditch effort to bring her back. I was familiar with the procedure because I had encountered it three times in the previous three years. The room was silent. The devices that had been used to try to revive her had been shut off. Despite the absence of windows, the area was too bright. The antiseptic smelled overpowering and made my eyes feel as though they were being stung. I walked carefully toward the bed that was in the middle of the room. The love of my life was there, having passed away at the age of 35. Again, I was standing next to her with a broken heart, but this time it wasn't her fault. I questioned whether they might have made a mistake and she was fine because she appeared to be sleeping. I yelled out "Dania," but she didn't answer. Her lovely brown eyes were closed permanently, and her black hair was curled and spread across a pillow. I stroked her face gently. She still had a warm, gentle glow to her caramel-coloured skin. Her lips, once plump, were now parched and blue. She started crying as I leaned down to kiss her forehead. I was crying when I wasn't aware of it. I took one of her hands, kissed it, and then paced it back by her side while holding it very near to my chest. I inhaled deeply and said softly, "I'll look after your boy. I vow. After giving her forehead one more kiss, I left her there by herself. Even though the afternoon sun in November felt warm, I chilled as I left the hospital. The world had changed in some way during the hours I had been in the building, and everything felt foreign to me. My mind was blank, and nothing made sense. My most challenging chore lied ahead, so I went into my Jeep and sat in it for a while. I put my forehead on the steering wheel and considered how I would handle the youngster now that his mother was no longer there. The thought of sharing the news made my heart race. I raised my head, shut my eyes, and inhaled deeply. I turned on the ignition as soon as I opened my eyes. As soon as the radio started, it jolted me out of my reverie. After turning off the radio and shifting into reverse, I drove out of the garage and over to Malik's school. The streets of Las Vegas were bustling with bustle as usual, and since the school was on the other side of town, I had to steer clear of the strip at all costs. Because I had no notion what to do, I drove abnormally slowly. I found it upsetting to pass by folks laughing and enjoying themselves when my heart was breaking. I parked the car in front of his school without knowing how I would tell him and was unable to move. Sincerely, I had no idea how to convey the news, and the mental scenarios I created were terrible. He would understand, but I wasn't sure how he would feel about it. He had spent his entire childhood with my parents, together with Dania. When my parents died, they were both inconsolable. My younger brother Jawad, who was fourteen at the time, had also found it difficult. Dania has been their supporter ever since. Now what? I didn't believe I could handle it by myself. When my parents passed away, I had the difficult responsibility of telling them the news. When I didn't want to believe it myself, how could I tell Malik that his mother had passed away? I was given her belongings at the hospital, and I searched through them to discover her cell phone, but I wasn't sure who I should call. I decided to put it off until after school and drove to the park next door. In an hour, the school would be out, allowing me to collect myself and decide exactly what to say to Malik. I called my sister Lana, but she didn't answer. Of sure," I said. Why would she answer my calls if she never did? I chose not to leave a message because we hadn't spoken in several weeks. She didn't get along with Dania, and it's possible that she won't care. Next, I gave Dania's school a call. She was a local high school's office administrator for many years. I asked to speak with the principal, but I was turned down. I didn't tell the receptionist the news; instead, I promised her I would go in person, even though I had no plans to do so. They would soon hear the news. I had a lot on my mind and didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. My heart continued to race, and my hands began to tremble. Even though I had experienced it before—it appeared as though death was all around me—it was still sudden, unexpected, and strange to me. I was unable to comprehend it. I had lost the love of my life, but I found it difficult to accept the truth of it. I turned off the car's engine and got out. In the surreal afternoon, the wind seemed cold and it slapped my face. A jogging route, two canopies with picnic tables on either side of the path, bones spread throughout, and a flock of birds put in fire pits were all that the park had to offer. Aside from the falling leaves that no one could control, the park was surrounded by trees and was in good condition. I walked with my head hung low and my hands buried in my jacket's pockets. Every Friday afternoon, I would wait for Malik on the same bench. What shall I do? As I sat there, thinking, Dania's phone rang. Nadia, Dania's close friend and coworker, called. I forced a hard swallow and responded, "Hello?" "Oh.." followed by a pause before "Hi. I apologize. I believe I have the incorrect number. Nadia was informed, "No, this is Amin. I was at a loss for words as my heart was racing. "Oh! How are things going, Amin? Is Dania there? Today, she didn't appear at work and made no calls. "She isn't," I collapsed to the bench, speechless. I spoke while squeezing the phone tightly and closing my eyes. The schoolchildren were laughing as they played, and I could hear them. Asking "Amin, what is it?" "She..." I said, clearing my mouth, "She died, Nadia.No need for an introduction. There was a brief period of silence. Nadia was speaking, but I couldn't understand a word she was saying until I opened my eyes and realized I was crying. "-please!" What happened? she questioned. "Reply to me!" She started crying, and I realized I had erred by telling her the truth without first checking to see if she was by herself or if she could speak at all. I am so incredibly foolish! I pondered. I tried to talk but nothing came out of my mouth. Where did she go? What are you doing?" "I'm at the park in front of Malik's school, I-" "Oh my God, have you told him?" she interjected. "No, no. I'm awaiting the conclusion of classes. I'll arrive there shortly. "Nadia, don't drive like this, please. I'll-" Before I could finish, the line went dead. I said, "Great," and stuffed the phone into my pocket. I considered calling my brother Jawad while Nadia was waiting for me, but I decided against it. I assumed he was sleeping since he had been working the night shift for a security company. I also considered Nadia's reaction to the news and tried not to scare Jawad in the process. He needed to know, but I wasn't able to tell him just yet. My heart was breaking, so I knelt with my elbows on my knees and my hands over my face. My Dania was no longer there. I fought back tears despite feeling a lump in my throat. I was unable to control my emotions, though, as I thought of Malik losing his mother. Above, there were gathering grey clouds, and it was humid. I believed that it would start to rain at any time. I observed how routinely the world continued to function. To wait for their children and prepare for the weekend, parents started to gather in front of the school. Nannies battled toddlers who no longer wanted to be buckled into their chairs while pushing strollers. Every minute, fathers checked their phones to make sure they hadn't missed a crucial call or email before five o'clock. They were unaware that my world had been frozen in time and that one student at that school would never experience life the same way again. I noticed Nadia's silver Honda coming into the parking place next to my vehicle ten minutes later. She cried and rushed to me, but I was unable to grasp her before she fell to her knees. As a chilly breeze blew, autumn leaves began to fall. She was crying in my arms as I helped her stand. I caressed her back and mumbled, "I'm so sorry." She let go once she had received enough consolation. "Amin, what just happened?"