Moving Forward Or Falling Behind

Anya "Anya! I thought you were coming home next week!" excitedly yells my brother , Benji, as he wraps his arms around me squeezing me into a tight hug. With almost a foot of height on me, I am able to hear his heart beat on his chest. Once he releases me and I am able to breathe again he opens his small house up for me to enter. Pass the enterance door the house welcomes you with an open floor plan. His kitchen to the left with a light wood a little dated style. The living room dead center expanding further back where a small dining room table sits infront of a sliding back door leading to the fenced in back yard. The two bedrooms set up to the right side of the house along with a guest bath, and the master bedroom behind the kitchen. I smile at my brother who looks proud of his small home. His shaggy black hair needs to be cut as it keeps trying to fall into his face covering his deep blue eyes. " I got a job at one of the daycares in town. I start on Monday so I thought I'd come hang out with you a little sooner. Also I haven't seen your new place yet sooo here I am." I wander around the living space filled with old furniture from the thrift stores and kids toys in decorated bins in the corner. The small dining table was covered with half folded laundry and stuffed animals. "What's with the kids stuff? Something you need to tell me?" I ask my brother, who was drinking a Capri Sun by the fridge decorated in scribble drawings. "Luca and Lee Anne moved in awhile ago" he states like it's nothing. Luca is my brother's best friend since middle school. We lived four houses down from each other and they hung out all the time. I was just the annoying little sister who liked to bother the boys. Our age gap wasn't wide. Luca was only two years older than me while my brother was three years older. The boys were inseperable growing up even though their personalities were polar opposites. Benji was mean to me growing up, pranking me, scaring me every chance he got. He was one of those brothers that would pin you down to fart on you. He often took my money our parents gave us for fun stuff like the movies or roller skating. When he was able to drive Benji left me at the stores, parks, the mall, where ever really he could "forget" me. On the other hand, Luca was always sweet to me. He'd get the same snacks I liked so he could share with me. He hung out with me early in the morning before me brother would wake up on the weekends and watch TV with me. When he was able to drive I'd call him when Benji left me some where. He was my first crush. My only crush really, but he married his high school sweetheart, Natasha, a year after they graduated. She was anything but sweet though. When I heard the news of them being parents I could only picture Natasha leaving her baby in a hot car on a summer day. She was that awful as a person. "Is it going to be okay to stay here? I can call some friends and see if I can crash on some couches if you feel its too packed around here." I say to Benji. "Don't be stupid. If you don't mind the couch it should be fine. Luca and I have some gigs coming up. If you don't mind watching Lee Anne" " Of course but it'll cost you." I smile, plop on the over sized chair, and kick my shoes off. Luca "Daddy!" Lee Anne screams when she sees me at the door of her classroom. He wildfire colored hair is in disarray meaning she slept and played well today. Her pink leggings were dirty on the knees with grass stains. There's paint on her rainbow unicorn shirt. She runs to me and launches herself off the floor to bear hug me. Her emerald eyes look at me with so much happiness. Her teacher smiles at me and waves a goodbye to us. I hold her hand in the parking lot get her situated in her carseat in the back seat of my car and we drive back to our so called home. Benji has been nothing but welcoming to us, but I can't help but feel bad for taking up his bachelor pad with all this kid stuff. All my bullshit really. The past two years I've done everything in my power to fix things with Natasha. We had more date nights, more sexy nights, I made food, and did all the house work I could muster up between working and band practice, we went shopping I supplied her with everything we could afford, but nothing worked. She didn't want it too anymore. She asked me to leave so her new boyfriend could move in. That was when I snapped. There was no way in hell I was letting my daughter live with some random guy. Natasha didn't even bat an eyelash when I said I would take Lee Anne. If anything she welcomed the idea. Lee Anne and I moved into Benji's the following weekend. My heart broken. "Who is at home with Benji?" Lee Anne asks, knocking me out of my thoughts. Seeing an unknown car in our drive way. "I don`t know sweet heart." I answer, parking the car on the side of the street. I get Lee Anne from the back and we walk to the front door. I check the door knob. It was unlocked which meant Benji didn't have some random hook up over. This thought relaxed me as I turned the knob and head inside. Lee Anne bolts inside from behind me running to see who is over and to greet her Uncle Benji. " Hey Le le" a familiar voice greets my wild child. I follow the sound of excitement and see Anya sitting on the large chair with Lee Anne sitting in her lap already. Anya looks exactly the same from when we were kids yet so different at the same time. Her gray eyes were still gentle and calming filled with so much love. Her smile was just as big when I gave her some chocolate or sour Skittles when her brother took her snack money. Though she had a fuller figure now, she was still small and fragile looking that made me want to take care of her when she fell down and got hurt. Her black hair was pulled back into a messy bun she worn some dark gray Joggers and an oversized graphic Tee. She was already laughing and playing with Lee Anne. "Hey Luca" she says to me, "it's good to see you again". "Yeah, It's good to see you too".