HER COMPLICATED MAN

PARIS ENRIQUEZ-MARSHALL Can you relate if I will tell you I've been crushing over the same guy for ten years now? Yes. I am that crazy over him. I've tried my best dating other men, countless times. But no one comes close to where he is in my heart. I've been surveying my cloth rack for hours. I couldn't decide what should I wear today. You may want to ask why I am struggling so much when I have hundreds of clothes untouched and ready to be wear. Hear me out. I will be seeing him later.... he might take a glance of me, and I have to look my best. "Ilang araw ba tayo at parang gusto mo nang tumira roon?" Tinapunan ko ng inis na tingin si Cali, ang pinsan ko na pakialamero sa mga gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. "Ilang araw nga pero kasama natin si Iros. We will be meeting his family. I want to look my best." Inirapan niya ako. Kahit kailan talaga ay hindi siya sang-ayon sa "kabaliwan" ko kay Iros. Lagi siyang may paalala na sasaktan ko lang daw ang sarili ko. "Ayaw nga sa 'yo ng tao, 'di ba?" "Wala siyang sinasabi na ganyan..." Nasasaktan ako. "Wala nga. But are you that insensitive? Silence doesn't always count as yes, Paris. Sometimes it could be, back off, I don't want you. You are so ugly." Hinampas ko siya ng wood hanger sa ulo. I get it. Iros might not like me. But does he have to rub it in like that? "You wanna know what's the problem with you, Cali?" He fixed his poise, looking at me like he's ready with whatever words I will say. "You're very pakialamero. Until he rejects me, I will keep trying." "Keep on trying? By how? You don't even say anything to him too. You're lame and pathetic." Inambahan ko siya ulit ng hanger dahilan para umatras siya. "I don't have to say anything. He will eventually realize what I feel about him, and I know there's a chance he feels the same way." "You know what, cous. He might not say anything to you, but he was telling shits to Kuya Seb." Namilog ang mga mata ko. "Anong sinasabi niya?" "That he doesn't like you because you are maarte." What? That doesn't make sense. Ano naman kung maarte ako? It's part of my personality. He can't take it against me. "It's better if you stop with your fantasy. Marami diyan na may gusto sa 'yo. Also think about what his reaction will be once he finds out that her sister is Kuya Seb's other woman." "He won't know if you keep your mouth shut." Cali sighed. I am not enabling Kuya Seb's affair. I don't support cheating. But what can I actually do about it? Tell kuya to stop? He won't listen to me. Don't start me with Irene, too. She is stubborn and very much in love with Kuya. I can't also go to Anika and tell her about the affair. I don't have the heart to break it to her. Iros can't blame me for knowing about it, his sister is a consenting adult. And Kuya had told me to stay away from it, he will fix it. He is working with making things right and I believe him. Tinantanan na ako ni Cali. Alam niya naman sa sarili niya na hindi niya rin mababago ang isip ko tungkol kay Iros. I didn't ask for this, but I am madly inlove with him. I woke early the following day. Excitement crawl to my system. Iros' cousin.. Justin... is the one who invited me to their hometown, but it doesn't matter to me. I will be with Iros for few days. Habang nag-aayos ako hindi siya maalis sa utak ko. Iniisip ko kung paano ko ba makukuha ang atensyon niya. Kung paano ko ba gagawin na tapunan niya ako ng tingin o kahit kausapin lang ng saglit. Kuya Seb wasn't on his best mood when we woke him up. I already guess he is having problems with Irene. I just hope they would stop whatever they're doing if they can't fix the main issue. Pagdating sa airport ay nandoon na sina Irene kasama si Iros pati kaibigan nila at mga pinsan. I gave Iros a glimse. I felt my cheeks burn. He is a dream. If handsome has a face, it should be him. I come to notice his sleepy eyes and grumpy expression. It seems that he woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Natulog lang ako buong flight. Paglapag namin sa Davao Airport ay may oras pa ako para ayusin ang sarili. I retouched my make-up and fixed my hair. I hastily stood up that made me tripped on my toes. Kamuntik na akong masubsob nang may mag-abot sa bewang ko. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang lingunin ko iyon at makitang si Iros. Para akong nawalan ng lakas nang bitiwan niya ako ngunit nahuli ko ang ngisi at pag-iling niya nang iiwas na ang tingin sa akin. Nanginginig pa ang kamay ko nang abutin ang handbag sa taas ng kinauupuan. Napigil ko ang paghinga nang maramdaman ko ang katawan niyang halos nakadikit na sa likuran ko. "Ako na..." Naamoy ko ang pabango niya. It's that chocolate body spray that makes angel falls. I moved a little to the side to take a good look of his face. He has a perfect chiseled haw. My lips parted following his adam's apple move when he swallowed. Oh God, give me this man. "T...thank you," I stuttered like a schoolgirl. Embarrassing. This is not how I imagine our encounter would be. Mahina siyang natawa tsaka ako tinanguan. Kahit ba naman tawa dapat sexy? Sinundan ko siya ng titig habang palabas ng eroplano. He noticed me. I mean for sure he notices my presence every time I visit his sister in their home in Manila, but he just looks pass through me, and this time he actually talked to me. I can feel it. May pag-asa kaming dalawa. Sinadya kong sumakay kung saan si Iros nang dumating na ang mga sumundo sa amin. Nakaupo na siya sa frontseat nang umakyat ako sa likuran ng driver. May reklamo siya tsaka siya biglang nakipagpalit ng upuan kay Cali. Umusog ako para bigyan siya ng mauupuan. Habang nasa byahe ay tinanggal ko ang suot na jacket. It's an old raptor that I think have a busted airconditioning. Nabato ako sa kinauupuan ko nang hubarin din ni Iros ang hoddie niya at bahagya pang napasama ang t-shirt niya dahilan para masilip ko ang katawan niya. Malala na talaga ako. Kahit ano nalang ang gawin niya ay apektado ako. "Naiinitan ka?" "Ha?" Napakurap ako ng ilang beses. Ako ba ang kausap niya? "Mang Karding pakilakasan nga po ang aircon," sa halip ay baling niya sa driver. Napalunok ako. May gusto ba siyang iparating? Dalawang beses na niya akong kinausap hindi pa man natatapos ang araw. "Malayo pa ba tayo?" tanong ni Cali na nagpabalik sa akin sa katinuan. "Malayo pa ho, sir. Lalabas pa tayo sa national highway. Sadyain kasi iyong bahay nina Senorito." Kanina pa kami nasa byahe at kung malayo pa ay aabutan kami ng hapon sa daan. Mataas na ang araw at masakit na ang tama nito lalo at hindi naman tinted ang sasakyan na nasakyan namin. Napakisapmata ako nang biglang bahagyang humarap sa akin ang katawan ni Iros at tuluyang harangin ang sinag ng araw mula sa bintana sa likuran niya. "Para makatulog ka," sambit niya at pinikit na ang mga mata. Tumikhim si Kuya Seb sabay sa pagtama ng tingin namin ni Cali sa rearview mirror. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay na parang nagtatanong, nagkibit balikat lang ako kasi wala rin naman akong ideya kung bakit ako kinausap ng ilang beses na ni Iros. Nakatulog nga ako sa sobrang pagod at antok. Nagising na lang ako nang parang inaalog na kami sa loob ng sasakyan. "Pasensya na po kayo medyo hindi maganda ang daan papasok. Nasisira kasi ng malalaking truck na pumapasok. Panay taniman kasi ang nandito." Napatingin ako sa labas. Nakikita ko ang alikabok na umaalon at kumakapit na nga sa bintana ng sasakyan. Walang ni isang bahay kaming nadaanan maliban sa maliliit na kubo na sa tingin ko ay wala rin namang nakatira. Mga tanim na mais at pinya ang nakikita ko sa gilid ng daan. Halos kalahating oras na ang nagdaan at hindi pa rin kami tumigil. "Malayo pa ba tayo?" pagbabakasakali ko na magsimula ng usapan sa kanya. "Medyo. Bored ka na 'no?" may himig ng panunukso niyang tanong. Napakagad labi ako sabay tango. Ayaw ko na isipin niya na hindi ako karapat-dapat na dalhin sa lugar nila. Nagsimula siyang magkwento tungkol sa taniman na nadadaanan namin. Mga kwento na kasama ang kabataan niya. Para kong nakikita ang bawat kwento niya. Detalyado at parang sanay siyang e-kwento. Kumirot ang puso ko. Sino pa kaya ang nakarinig na nito? Apparently, they own most of the farmland in the town of San Jose. There's a school that name after his grandmother who is actually the one that inherit the land. Their grandfather is a self-made businessman before he married their grandmother. He also owns land but in Davao City, Laguna and in Batangas. I mentally take note every detail he shares. I am not new with fortune but things that involve Iros are important to me. "Ang yabang ng boyfriend mo," pasimpleng bulong ni Kuya Seb matapos sabihin ni Iros na kayang tumakbo ng Lolo nila bilang governor ng Davao at mananalo. Iros continue sharing details but what I notice is he never mentioned his parents. I have known them based on Irene's story but with Iros they seem to be nonexistent. I am aware that their parents have a vineyard and wine business in Italy but are already separated. I made a close observation with Iros eyes while he talks highly about his grandparents. I smiled to myself. He is contented with them, they are his parents. I wish I have the same contentment with my family. Auntie Elena raised me but there's still a hole in me that is wanting my parents.