MidKnights Lover

“What’s wrong with you?” It was a question I’d asked myself more times than I’d admit. It was also the question my dad just asked of me. I know he didn’t mean it to be harsh or condescending. I mean, how could he have known the very question plagued my own thoughts on a regular basis. Hearing it out loud seemed to enlarge the growing hole in my heart. What is wrong with me? I echoed. Somehow the conversation had turned the spotlight on the one thing I wish was different about me. I was single. It’s amazing how being single can bring a whirlwind of opinions. From some who hear “You’re so young. You have plenty of time to find someone.” From others it was “Why aren’t you dating? You need to talk to boys. What’s wrong with you?” The worst part of it was, I didn’t want to be single. Since I was a little girl I had dreamed of getting married and having kids. I loved the idea of raising kids and hearing their voices echo through the house. Watching a child take their first steps, say their first words, go to school, ride a bike, dream their dreams. Despite all my desires of being a mom and finding love, at twenty-five I was still single with only one boyfriend of two months under my belt. On top of that, I could still count on both hands how many dates I’ve been on with other guys. I knew what was wrong with me. I’d always known, but there was nothing I could do to change it. My makeup style was a simple application of mascara and foundation (on occasion). My choice of clothing always leaned towards comfort over fashion. Dresses and heals were reserved for church and special events. More often than not, my jewelry hung in a box than around my neck. This doesn’t mean I don’t love jewelry or I don’t love getting dolled up, but why spend hours every day creating a person that wasn’t me? I sighed within as I thought of all my friends and family that were engaged or already married. They all fit the same bill. They all took time each day to do their hair and makeup, dressed up to leave the house, and were either extremely outgoing or had the aura of damsel-in-distress. I was neither of those. Any time I tried to talk to a guy I found slightly attractive, I found myself lost for words. I also hated playing damsel-in-distress. I much preferred doing the saving. Plus, as experience taught me, the only person you could rely on was yourself. Everyone else would fail you at some point or another. Whether it be a broken promise or the discovery that they weren’t at all who you thought they were, everyone fails at some point. Including me. I am no dummy to think I’m excluded from all this. It’s a part of life. People make mistakes, but it sure does make it hard to trust someone entirely. “What time do you leave tomorrow, Mae?” my dad broke into my mental tangent. “Ten,” was my automatic reply. I was really good at listening to my surroundings while in my own little land. It had saved me from humiliation more than once. “Are you all packed?” my mom inquired, stepping into the conversation. “Almost. I have everything, but what I’ll be using tonight and tomorrow, all ready to go.” “Where will the two of you be staying?” Of course my dad would worry about that. We were going to LA and neither my dad or I really liked LA. “We’ll be staying at the SeaSide Scene. It’s right next to the stadium where the concert will be held, so we won’t get lost trying to find it.” The excitement in my voice had started to rise. I had been waiting for this chance for years and now I finally have the opportunity to see this band in person. “You’re not excited are you?” my dad asked knowing very well the answer. “No,” I allowed sarcasm to coat the words, “why would I be excited to see MidKnights?” “Who?” my dad teased. I rolled my eyes. My dad and I did not share the same tastes in music. He loves country, which I also liked to listen to, but my heart was with Kpop. Which was exactly the kind of music MidKnights played. I smiled at my parents. I love them dearly. They were good to me and supported me in everything I did; even when they didn’t fully agree with my decisions. I knew they didn’t like the idea of me going to LA, but I was grateful they didn’t try to force me to stay. Tomorrow, I was going to LA to see MidKnights.