Close to You (Fields of Affection Series #1)

I'm not the type to chase after someone. Kung ayaw nila sa akin, fine. I won’t force myself on anyone. I was taught to respect people's boundaries and feelings. Kung sino lang iyong gusto ako, iyon lang din ang pakikisamahan ko. Ang tanging pagtutuunan ko ng pansin. I value my worth. I have a self-respect. Sure, attention seeker ako pero alam ko kung hanggang saan lang dapat. In this industry, you have to do everything just to be noticed. One mistake, one misstep, tapos ka na. People will cheer for you today, then tear you down tomorrow. At kadalasan, they don’t want the real you. They want the version of you na akma sa standards nila. And that’s what scares me. Kasi kung susunod ako sa kanila, sino pa ba ako? Fame, success, applause, they mean nothing if I can’t even recognize the person I see in the mirror. I let out a long sigh and glanced around, searching through the crowd, hoping to find at least one familiar face. Madilim at ang tanging nagsisilbing liwanag ay ang iba't ibang kulay ng neon lights na masakit sa mata, dagdagan pa ng malakas na tugtog ng musika na umaalingawngaw sa buong bar. Pagod at mabigat ang buong katawan ko dahil sa sunod-sunod na product endorsement shoots buong araw. To be honest, I could've skipped tonight. Pero ayoko namang palampasin ang gabing ito, lalo na't alam kong magtatampo si Cecil. She's celebrating her birthday, and I can't miss this one, especially since I wasn't present last year. Malakas pa namang magtampo ang babaeng iyon. When I finally saw her, standing at the center of our group of friends, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Cecil was glowing in her sparkly dress, her laughter rising above the music, making her shine like the true star of the night. My lips curved into a smile without me realizing it. "Kassidy!" Isang kakilala ang sumigaw, kumaway pa sa akin. Marami ang napalingon pero inignora ko na lamang ang mga tinging iginagawad nila. Sanay na ako sa mga matang sumusunod kahit saan ako magpunta. Dumeretso lang ako sa kanila, partikular kay Cecil na gulat pa ang itsura, hindi makapaniwala. "Happy birthday, b***h. Pasalamat ka, mahal kita," I teased, hugging her with a laugh. "Akala ko, hindi ka na talaga pupunta!" "Surprise then?" She only rolled her eyes, giggling, before tugging me toward a high table surrounded by some familiar faces. Without missing a beat, she grabbed a bottle, poured into a glass, and shoved it into my hand. "Lalasingin kita ngayon. Bayad mo sa ilang beses na pangdi-ditch sa akin." I raised my brows, smirking. "Fair enough." Then, without hesitation, I downed the drink in one go, the burn sliding down my throat. "Wooooh!" they all roared, their cheers mixing with the music. My empty glass was quickly refilled, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Hindi ako tatanggi ngayon. You have every right to get me drunk. Cheers to the birthday girl!" We all raised our glasses high, clinking them together before the music swallowed our voices. The bass thumped harder, the crowd buzzed louder, and suddenly I was no longer weighed down by anything. I mingled with a few familiar faces, laughing at jokes, letting the alcohol warm my veins. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I let myself have fun like this. Palaging bantay-sarado ako kay Enzo. He always reminding me to drink moderately, always setting invisible rules around me. "Where's Tori? Akala ko ba, nandito siya?" sigaw ko kay Cecil, trying to be heard over the music. "That b***h is obviously somewhere private. I saw her with a hot guy kanina, tapos bigla na lang silang naglaho!" she yelled back, rolling her eyes. I couldn't help but laugh. Tingnan mo nga naman. Just the other day, halos bulabugin niya pa ako dahil daw brokenhearted siya. She swore she was done, that she couldn't take it anymore. Pero eto na naman siya, vanishing with the next guy who managed to catch her attention. "She moves on too fast," I muttered, shaking my head, though I was smiling. That's just who she is. Reckless, spontaneous, and a little too brave with her heart. Sometimes I envy her for that. "Hayaan mo na," Cecil shrugged, taking another sip of her drink. "At least she's having fun." I swirled the liquid in my glass, the neon lights scattering against the rim like tiny fireworks. Sa gilid ng paningin ko, may pamilyar na mukha akong napansin na papalapit. Before I could even react, Cecil caught my gaze, smirked knowingly, then with a playful nudge, she slipped away. Iniwan akong mag-isa nang huminto ito sa harap ko. "Hi, Kassidy. It's been a while," he said, his voice steady but his eyes betraying a hint of nervousness. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, a half-smile tugging at my lips. "Anthony. Akala ko ba hindi ka mahilig sa mga ganitong lugar?" He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "I guess people change? Miko dragged me here, and you know I can't say no to him." I tilted my head, studying him. Same clean-cut look, same polite smile, pero ngayon, parang hindi na siya kasing stiff tulad dati. Anthony was an old friend from college. I even tried to shoot my shot back then, but he was too absorbed in his books and deadlines to notice. No fun, no risks, just the perfect student chasing perfect grades. "Well, this is new," I said, taking a slow sip from my glass, not breaking eye contact. "So, how's life lately? Balita ko, you're taking law?" A flicker of surprise crossed his face before he grinned. "Seems you got your sources right. Yeah, law school. Nakakabaliw, pero I guess it's exactly where I should be." "Wow," I said, eyebrows raised. "From the most studious guy I know to the most studious guy pa rin. Walang pinagbago." I chuckled, swirling the drink in my hand. "But law, huh? Big leap." He shrugged, though there was a spark of pride in his eyes. "It's tough, pero fulfilling. Unlike you, hindi ka na ma-reach. I never imagined you would enter show business." Ngumisi lang ako't nagkibit balikat. "You know me, may pagka-attention seeker ako. Anything for the spotlight." Clarence laughed, shaking his head. "You're doing good on it, by the way. I watched your movies and shows too. You and your love team are... well, look good together." Iyon naman palagi ang sinasabi ng karamihan. Kung gaano kami kabagay ni Jake. Kaya nga pumatok ang loveteam namin at ngayon, kami na ang palaging inaabangan ng mga tao. I love the hype actually pero minsan, lumalagpas na sa limitasyon ang iba. Iyon ang isang toxic trait kapag nasa industriya ka, lalo na kapag pinasok mo ang loveteam. Iyong mga fans, hindi kayang i-separate ang trabaho sa reyalidad. Porket loveteam, kailangan dapat maging magka-relasyon na. They get so caught up in the romance on screen that they forget it's just an acting. Nagkuwentuhan pa kami tungkol sa ibang bagay. Unti-unti na ring umeepekto ang tama ng alak kaya nakakaramdam na ako ng pagkahilo. Anthony was gentleman enough to guide me para umupo. Marami ang umaaya sa amin para makisaya at sumayaw pero pareho kaming umayaw. Alam ko naman na mahina ako pagdating sa alak. Mabilis akong malasing. At kapag ganoon, kung ano-ano na lang ang ginagawa ko. Sinasabayan naman ako ni Anthony sa pag-inom pero hindi kagaya kong bigay-todo, paunti-unti lang ang ginagawa niya. "So, you're not really together? Your loveteam?" He was whispering loudly at my ear, lalo na't nagiging mas malakas ang tugtog. I already told him a while ago pero inuulit pa rin niya. "You know, just say whatever you wanted to say. You don't need to hold it back," natatawang saad ko. Kanina pa siya nagpapahiwatig at hindi ko maitatangging nagugustuhan ko kung saan patungo ito. "I'm just making sure. Alam mo na, baka awayin ako ng mga fans niyo," dahan-dahan niyang iniakbay ang braso sa balikat ko kaya napahilig ako. "That guy seems to like you. I really thought you guys are in a relationship." Mariin akong napapikit nang tumama ang ilaw sa mata ko. Mas isiniksik ko rin ang sarili ko sa katawan niya. "Hm. Fan service exist. We're just giving the fans what they actually want. Pero kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, we're not together. I don't even like the dude." He's right, though. Alam kong gusto ako ni Jake at hindi niya ikinakaila iyon. Maraming beses niya nang ibino-broadcast ang pagkagusto niya sa akin, either on or off cam. Kaya mas lalong nadadagdagan ang pantasya ng mga fans namin. They found him really sweet but I don't feel the sincerity at all. He's handsome, sure. Pantasya ng mga kababaihan pero ayaw ko talaga iyong pagka-presko niya. I’ve seen his asshole side, especially with his past loveteam, and honestly? I can’t stand guys who think too highly of themselves. "Kassy..." Bigla na lamang sumulpot si Tori galing sa kung saan. Napalayo ako kay Anthony nang higitin niya ako. She honestly looked like she just got into a fight. Magulo ang buhok niya, hindi pa maayos ang damit niya at nagkalat ang lipstick sa labi niya. "Babe, you’re here…” she dragged the word, then wrapped herself around me. Halata na rin na lasing siya dahil na rin sa iniakto niya. "Where have you been? What happen to you?" "I had fun earlier not until someone grab my hair. It's his girlfriend daw but he said he was single!" pagsusumbong niya. That explains it. I let out a small sigh and looked her over, my eyes scanning for scratches or bruises, making sure wala siyang malalang tama bukod sa itsura niyang wasak. Mabuti na lang at wala siyang natamo. Gustong-gusto talaga niya iyong nasasangkot siya palagi sa gulo. Kaakibat na siguro ng pangalan niya ang salitang iyon. Hindi na siya nagtanda. "Gaga ka talaga. Why would you even mess with someone else's boyfriend?" I shot her a look. "No! I didn't even know na may girlfriend siya! Siya pa nga 'yung unang nagpakita ng interest sa 'kin. Kung alam ko lang, hindi ko na sana siya pinatulan, 'no!" she defended herself, pouting like a kid caught doing something wrong. Point taken. She really isn't the type to go after someone who's already taken. "So, nasaktan ka ba? Nasaan na sila? Did you even try to defend yourself or you just let the girl hurt you?" She just snorted. "Of course, I fought back! I slap her hard but I also said sorry rin in the end. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan sila, siguro nag-aaway na iyon somewhere and—" Noon lang siguro niya napansin ang presensya ng kasama ko dahil napahinto siya. She looked at him with a brows furrowed, trying to familiarize him. Nang siguro'y mapagtanto kung sino ito, kumalas siya sa akin at itinuro ito. "You're Anthony, right?" Tumango naman ang katabi ko at marahang ngumiti. "Hello, Tori. Glad you still remember me, too." May pang-aakusa akong tiningnan ng kaibigan. Nagpalipat-lipat pa ang tingin niya sa amin ni Anthony, hanggang tumayo siya. Muntik pa siyang matumba, mabuti na lamang at mabilis ko siyang nahawakan. Natawa pa siya sa sarili pero kaagad ding umiling. "I'm sorry if I didn't notice you there. It's nice to see you again, Anthony. And by the way—" she glanced at me sharply, "make sure you don't get caught on camera. Baka bukas, headline ka na." She turned her back on us after that and went straight to where Cecil and the others were having fun. Pareho lang kaming natawa ni Anthony. A few moments later, we both went back to our own little world. I like how he talks. Smart, sensible, grounded. I've always been drawn to guys na may laman ang sinasabi, someone who knows exactly what he's talking about. Lumalim ang gabi. Mas matindi na rin ang tama ko ngayon. Pareho na rin kaming nagiging touchy sa isa't isa. Hindi na namin inintindi ang mga tao sa paligid namin. We have our own world. I can feel him slowly kissing my neck. Nakikiliti ako sa ginagawa niya pero hindi ko rin siya pinipigilan. Dala na rin siguro ng kalasingan at sobrang naliliyo na ako, I found myself kissing him. Nawala na rin sa isip ko ang sinabi ni Tori at kung nasaang lugar kami. Of all the lips I've kissed, Anthony's were something else. Para akong libro na masinsinan niyang pinag-aralan, hanggang sa ma-memorya niya ako. The rest of the night is a blur, but what I remember clearly is the aftermath: me puking my guts out while Anthony stared at me in shock. Malakas na kalampag ng pinto ang nakapagpagising sa akin nang umagang iyon. Sinundan pa ng galit na boses ni Enzo. Oh, I remembered him calling last night. Nakailang tawag din siya at maski isa, wala akong sinagot. He's probably mad at me because of that. But dang, my head hurts like hell. I don't even remember how I got home last night. Maybe Anthony was decent enough to bring me home. "Kassidy Solana, napakatigas talaga ng ulo mo! Get up and explain this f*****g mess you created last night!" Naramdaman ko ang marahas niyang pagyugyog sa akin. Napaungol lang ako. "My head hurts, Enzo. Please, mamaya mo na ako sermonan. I want to sleep more..." Akala ko ay hahayaan na niya ako pero ang walang-hiya, marahas akong hinila para bumangon. "What the f**k, Enzo? Can't you be more gentle?!" "No! Not after what you did last night! I told you to be careful pero hindi mo ako sinusunod! Ngayon, tingnan mo kung papaano ka pinagpi-piyestahan ng mga tao online. You're trending!" stress na sigaw niya. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "Isn't that a good idea? Hindi ka na rin nasanay. I'm always trending, you know." Dapat nga magdiwang pa siya. It's a publicity after all. Hindi na rin naman bago sa akin ang balitang iyon. People talks about me every damn time. Ganoon naman talaga palagi. As a public figure, palaging may mga mata o kamera na nakasunod. And I’ve learned to live with it. Narinig ko ang paghugot niya nang malalim na hininga, animo'y sinusubukang kalmahin ang sarili. He looked like he was about to explode. "Alam mo, okay lang sana kung sa positibong rason ka trending pero hindi, e. Don't you get it? People are calling you names like cheater just because you were caught kissing a guy in that bar!" histeryang paliwanag niya. Doon ako tuluyang nabalik sa katinuan. Parang nawala ang antok ko at binuksan ang mga mata. Tumingin ako sa kaniya, naguguluhan. "What are you talking about?" "You went to a bar last night, didn't you? I've been calling you God knows how many times pero hindi mo sinasagot!" His voice was sharp, almost trembling with anger. "My goodness, Kassidy! Okay lang naman kung makipaghalikan ka sa kahit sinong poncio pilato, pero sana naman sa lugar na walang nakakakita, hindi ba?" Parang sasabog na ang ugat sa leeg niya sa sobrang galit. He even ran a frustrated hand through his hair, looking like he was seconds away from losing it completely. "Have you forgotten na mainit kayo sa mata ng publiko? Everyone knows you and Jake are together! At mas lalo mo lang pinapalaki ang issue dahil ginagatungan pa ito ni Jake, retweeting quotes on Twitter about being betrayed and cheated on!" Hindi ko man ma-absorb lahat ng pinagsasabi niya, uminit pa rin ulo ko sa huli niyang sinabi. "We're not together! You know that!" I snapped. "And do you think people care? Sa mga fan service pa lang na ginagawa niyo, everyone assumes you're in a relationship!" he shot back. "That's purely work! Utos din iyon ng management!" Napahilamos siya sa mukha, as if trying to rub away his frustration. Halatang-halata rin ang puyat niya. "Sakit ka talaga sa ulo, punyeta ka. Hindi ka marunong makinig," he muttered, half to me, half to himself. Ngumuso ako, guilt creeping in despite my pride. "I'm sorry, Enzo. I'll just release a statement. Sasabihin ko na lang na we're not really together. That I'm single, and I can kiss whoever I want." Pinandilatan niya ako, his eyes sharp. "Do you think it's that simple? Paano ang management? Nunca silang papayag na magsalita ka nang ganoon. Career mo ang nakataya dito." "Then what do you want me to do?" I fired back. "Hayaan ko si Jake sa ka-deluluhan niya? Ew. He's not even my type." "I'm trying to sort this out, okay? Pareho kayo ng kaibigan mo. Val was so done with her scandals. Ayaw talagang magtanda," he said, clearly referring to Tori. "Huh? What did she do this time?" I asked, curious. I remembered talking to Tori last night. Wala naman siyang ginawa kundi magwalwal… but then again, that's not really new. "Ayon, binansagan na siyang kabit. Nakiapid daw sa may karelasyon. She kissed someone's boyfriend last night, and now the girl's exposing her!" Napatigagal ako. Well, I guess I'm not the only one people are talking about right now. She really is my ride or die.