My Dirty Desires( An Erotica collection)

For a second, I genuinely thought I killed someone. I could still feel the warm blood on my hands even after I woke up. My body jerked upright so hard that my lamp crashed onto the floor beside me.I tried to calm myself so I inhaled deeply but I immediately regretted it. I could smell so many things all at once. The wet ground outside from the rain, the dust from my broken lamp, my neighbors coffee downstairs and this lingering uneasy feeling like I was about to throw up. What the hell was wrong with me? I decided to lay back on my bed, trying to focus on a particular thing so I could calm down but I could still faintly see my nightmare. In my nightmare I stood in front of a mirror trying to clean the blood all over my hands. When I stared back to the mirror I saw another person staring back at me and then the mirror cracked and my bathroom lights flickered. I sat up on my bed and checked my phone. It was Three am. “As usual” I sighed to myself This was around the time I would always wage up. I dragged myself into my bathroom and I gripped my bathroom sink so hard it nearly broke. I stared back at myself and I look so tired. I had big dark eye bags that could be seen from miles away and my skin looked so pale. This whole weird s**t started six months ago. At first, I could easily ignore it. I would have random mood swings, I barely got any sleep at night and I would constantly have sleep paralysis. Then it progressively got worse. I could hear so many sounds so clearly, I could identify the scent of things from buildings away and my temper got so loose I would always get into arguments with literally anyone for no reason. Sometimes, when people touched me, I had this sickening urge to hurt them. Some nights I would wake up with bruises I couldn’t identify how I got them or dirt stuck to my feet like I’d been outside barefoot. Once, I woke up two streets away from my apartment sitting behind a gas station with no memory of how I got there. I gaslighted myself into thinking it was stress, until last week when I tried to open my apartment door and broke it without even trying and I started having second thoughts. I stayed awake the whole time till it was time for me to start getting ready for work. I was doing my makeup trying to cover my visible dark circles when my phone chimed. Maren: Emergency girls night. No excuses. I’m picking you up at nine. I immediately typed back “no”. Maren: I don’t think I stuttered or asked for your opinion. We’re going to club 05. Wear something hot and pretend to enjoy being alive. Club 05 It’s an underground club everyone talked about but not anyone could get in. Normally I would’ve refused. But lately being alone with my thoughts felt worse than dealing with people, So at nine sharp, when Maren showed up at my apartment with wine and too much energy, I gave in. “You look like you’re one inconvenience away from committing arson,” she said while walking inside. “Why does everyone keep saying things like that to me?” “Because your vibe is deeply concerning.” An hour later, she forced me into a tiny silk dress showing a lot more skin than I would like and shoved me toward the mirror. “There,” she said proudly. “You officially look sexy.” I rolled my eyes, but I laughed anyway. For the first time in weeks, I actually felt normal. That feeling lasted for about 5 minutes after entering club 05. The club felt… strange. It was too loud and way too crowded. I could smell everything, people’s perfumes with a mixture of sweat, alcohol and kits of smoke. The bass vibrated through my whole body making me so much more uncomfortable. It was so overwhelming, and something about this place made me feel uneasy. Maren disappeared into the crowd after handing me a drink. “Don’t look so sad and try to have fun!!” she yelled before vanishing into the crowd of people. I sat across the bartender and tried to relax. Then I had this uncertain feeling, I felt someone was watching me. My eyes darted round the room then I saw him. He sat across the room in a dark booth, he had broad shoulders that stretched beneath black clothes, one of he’s arm was resting against the seat. Most of his face was hidden by shadows, but his eyes, they were locked on me. I had this unsettling feeling in my stomach it definitely was not attraction but Something stranger, like we recognized each other. I looked away from him and sipped my drink.Get it together Lila, He’s just a guy, but the feeling didn’t stop, If anything, it got worse. The air suddenly felt cold. I could hear me heartbeat increase in speed and I was strangely away of all my surroundings. Then the lights above the bar flickered once and I felt my body grow cold. I looked back towards the booth, and he was gone. My chest tightened and I felt a sharp pain and then a deep voice beside me said, “You look uncomfortable.” I froze. He was sitting next to me now. He was close enough for me to smell cigars all over him and he’s cologne. He was searing inches away from me that the heat coming from him made my skin warm instantly. I turned slowly towards him, his dark brown eyes met mine. And for some reason I couldn’t speak, but my body reacted like it already knew him.