Only Their Love

A Bitter Memory Lane

MILLIE'S POV

'Oh boy oh boy my Ruby slayed the house down tonight guys! And £10,000 for a few hours dancing, I hope that jacka** gives her a fair cut of what she's earned tonight.' I squealed excitedly at Drake and Alvin racing down the steps to join them for a smoke break before the bar gets busy again.

Alvin rolled his eyes at me and Drake shook his head. The two of them had been cold with me ever since they knew Ruby was going to have to perform. I knew they were rightfully annoyed for her but maybe, just maybe this would be the final night she even needed to grace Spicers with her presence at all. I prayed she would thank me at the end of the night but by the look of things, the boys didn't think that would be the case at all.

Drake threw his cigarette butt on the ground and blew the smoke in my face whilst walking past me up the steps. My head dropped and I knew I was going to have a long quiet night, devoid of any chat from Drake now. I looked hopefully up at Alvin and he rubbed his temple. He reached up and handed me his cigarette and patted the wall beside him. He put his arm around my shoulders and sighed when I sat down.

'You're a f**king i***t Mille Vanilli. I'm not going to fall out with you over this, but I do have a few things to say.' he muttered whilst kissing the top of my head. Tears welled in my eyes and I nodded. ' You knew, you bloody knew he was threatening to put Ruby back on stage and you did absolutely nothing, not one thing to make sure you - the cause of the threat I may add, to prevent this from happening.' I agreed with him, He was right, this was all my fault.

'She looks after you, she lets you stay at her home, she splits her tips with you, she feeds you, she listens to your crap, she comforts you when you let those sh**ty men into your pants and they disappoint you. She told us about her past, she told you everything and still you f**k up. Why Millie? Has she not been through enough that you can't drag your ass out of bed on time? Seriously?' Alvin removed his arm from my shoulder and stood up. He lit another cigarette and paced in front of me. 'Do you remember Mille? What happened her? Before Spicers, before she knew us. Do you remember what she told us?' Alvin had tears in his eyes when I looked up at him.

'Of course I do.' I whispered.

***FLASHBACK**

Alvin, Drake, Ruby and I had spent Christmas together last year. It was a few days after Ruby had been attacked and we couldn't bear to leave her so we had Christmas in her cottage. The boys had cooked, I decorated and Ruby convalesced on the sofa, her aches and pains shared with us, never left alone because her nightmares were vivid and she relived her attack every time she closed her eyes.

On Christmas night, she woke up screaming. The glass in the window of her bedroom shook and she clawed at Drake's face and drew blood when he woke her and held her tight in his arms. 'Shhhshhhhshhhh love, it's ok. You're safe.' he cooed at her, Her body shook, her sobs pierced heart and tears soaked Drake's shirt. Alvin and I stood in the doorway holding each other's hands feeling helpless.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Drake your face I'm sorry.' she had cried when she saw what she had done more than an hour later. That's how long it had taken for her to settle and come back to herself. He brushed it off and made a joke about telling everyone he had gotten it in a fight and continued to hold her tightly. I sat on her bed beside them and rubbed her hand.

'Talk to me Ruby. What's going on? I know you were attacked, I know it was awful, I know you're hurting, physically and emotionally, but this seems bigger than that.' I spoke quietly, knowing that Ruby had been a closed book about her past and convinced that this had something to do with it.

She raised her head and looked at me. The fear I saw in her eyes will haunt me until the day I die. I prayed then and there that I would never see anyone look at me like that again. Alvin approached us and sat down on the floor, softly rubbing her knee. 'Talk to us baby.' he said softly with a small smile.

Ruby shook her head and rested it again on Drake's chest before speaking. 'I don't know. I don't remember. I know I am dreaming, I know it's not real but I don't remember when I wake up. I think, maybe it was real once, but I don't want to believe it I feel the fear, I feel the dread and the panic and the pain but I don't know why. I've always had desperate bad dreams, but now, now they're out of control. I don't know what to do.I can't keep going like this. I'm afraid to close my eyes Millie, I need it to stop.'

You could have heard a pin drop. None of us knew what to do. After a number of days with none of us getting much sleep, a doctor prescribed her a series of sleeping pills which completely knocked her out and, after a few weeks, Ruby was Ruby again. Her light returned and she didn't need the pills anymore. She said her dreams stopped but I knew, I heard her when I stayed. Perhaps they weren't as bad as they had been, but they hadn't stopped.

***FLASHBACK END***

'I will never forget that day until I die Alvin, I just didn't think.' I whispered. The look Alvin gave me made me shudder.

'You're supposed to be her best friend Millie, yet you didn't think about her. She will forgive you, she always has and probably always will but by f**k if this triggers whatever happened to her that Christmas to happen again, I really don't think I will.' He put out his cigarette and ran up the steps, leaving me alone in tears.

'Please, please let her forgive me.' I prayed before wiping my cheeks and following him. I had a lot of making up to do, not only to Ruby but the the guys too. I couldn't live with myself if her nightmares started badly again.