Loving the Surrogate

Jose's POV

My sister deserves all the love and the best in the world.

Had our lives been up to me or someone given me the pen to write in the book of life, I would have made sure that everything would be better for Hanna.

I am Jose Edgar Summers. Hanna was my twin sister and I am the evil one. Scratch that, I was not evil. Just lazy and selfish.

She was always a beacon in our lives. Where there is hatred, Hanna gives out those loads of love you thought no one was capable of giving. I love her but she loves me ten folds. She loves me to bits. To the moon and back, in fact. Sometimes I think that anytime, the probability of her exploding from too much love is anytime soon and what that occurs, paper hearts and roses will fall from the eruption. Glitters too.

Yeah, I know that sounds silly, but that's how I see Hanna. Fragile yet tough. Terrific person, but an awful cook, but better than me in the culinary department and I am not even complaining.She was never mean and always puts the needs of the people she loves before herself. People who know us both will tell anyone who asks about us that we are exact opposites. Two different personas. I was the carefree, easy-go-lucky type. While Hanna....she's special. Special in many, many ways.

Let me tell you a short story of how much Hanna loves me.

When we were kids, I used to whine and complain a lot because I was the boss of the family. I still do today, but much worse than when I was younger. My needs come first before anyone else's. That is how it works at our house. We were poor, but I was always favored. Because I was always sick and we all know that the sick kid is often the spoiled kid in the family who gets his way to everyone and everything.

That is possibly the root of all the love that Hanna had in her. She had no choice but to shower me with love and affection, not because I needed it, but because I demanded it. I was selfish back then, maybe more selfish now that we are older. I don't know but that is not the point here. Do not judge me for being sickly. But yes, judgments are welcome. Thank you.

Saturdays are park days and we look forward to them. Or better to put it this way, I looked forward to it in particular. Hanna, not so much because she spends her park hours gawking at me ,trying to track me down the huge kids' park. She was like my babysitter. She never played. She just sits there looking at me. Not in a creepy way.

Our mom would let us play only if we finished our house chores. Not the type of chores that little kids are not supposed to do. Just tiny things that my mother would often describe as 'trainings' for us, so we know how to do them when we are older and it gives us the sense of responsibility. Those did not apply to me because the only jobs that landed at my feet were the easy ones and the harder ones ended up with Hanna. She never complains because she knows I can't over exert myself due to severe asthma and when it is triggered, Dad and all hell will break loose. No more park days for a couple of weeks as our punishment and we dread that. I saw a toy from a boy and tried to borrow it because we were raised that way. To always seek permission and to never ever steal.

I could hear my father and mother's voices telling us that every freaking day.

"Never take someone else's belongings. That is considered stealing and we do not steal in this family." Mom and Dad would always remind us of this. We carried out this life lesson even if they were not around.

He refused to even let me touch it, so I cried and trashed it on the grass. That boy was mean and never wanted to share. He enjoyed bullying and putting the things he had on display for other kids to be jealous. Hanna came to my aid and took me home, but I kept on whining and whining until I fell asleep.

Our parents just bought us toys from old Mr. Chu's thrift shop two days ago. Hanna got a Barbie doll which she asked for a long time and I got a red toy truck. Both were second hand and needed intense washing and my toy needed polishing. I liked it, but when I saw that Voltes five animation figure, I fell in love with it. You know how boys see a girl that they like so much for the first time? Yep, that was how I saw that toy. I wanted it in my hand, in my bed, even in my dreams.

That toy was the latest trend in town for kids our age at that time. It was love at first sight. Yep, as stupid as it sounds, I fell in love with a toy.Here's what my sister did. Hanna made a deal with Mr. Chu and came home the following day with the same toy, only an older version, but I was ecstatic and in a frenzy. I don't know how she did it and I never even asked how she got them , but I know why she did it.

Love.

And I honestly thought that she traded her doll for the toy I desire so badly. But she still had it and our parents were invited by Mr. Chu for dinner, they went home so proud of Hanna for her deed. That was how I find out how she did it.

That very day, I made a promise to my young self that I would not disobey Hanna or break her heart. Look who's talking now. I ended up breaking her heart anyway. I only did not break it. I shattered it , jammed it into a paper shredder and burned it to ashes and threw it into the wind to scatter far and wide. I was a horrible person.

I am currently detained in the police station now and my sister probably hates me now more than ever and will most likely leave me here to rot for eternity.It was my first time to be handcuffed and I will never forget that look that Dylan's father gave me. A look of disapproval, since he knew my sister so well. But knowing Hanna, she would stop at nothing to save me. She spoils me a lot and my first attempt to give her something she's worth was a big fail. I never made it to Georgie's. He might still be waiting for me and I put someone in a hospital bed. His parents demand I pay the bills and medication, where in fact, I only rely on Hanna's meager wages for food and my own medicines. They said I attacked them first and because they ganged up on me with fake testimony, I ended up taking all the blame on the night before our eighteenth birthday. No one thousand dollars to spend.

Hannah deserved better, a better brother who listens to her and a better chance at life. Not someone who drags her down and takes away every opportunity that comes her way. I am a drag on her life. An excess baggage is not worth carrying along.

Just last school year, she was offered a scholarship to New York university. She was chosen among the many applicants from Stuyvesant because of her exemplary academic and moral record. I also forgot to mention that when we were still developing embryos in our mother's womb, her brain developed way better. I think she received all the brain nutrients and left none for me, but that was not her doing. The family needed a mediocre child.

She declined off the bat because she had to dorm there as it was all part of the scholarship package.The school would take care of everything, dorm, food and allowance. What was left for her to do was to study. And my sister was good at studying. She was born for it. Unlike other students who had to diligently listen and take down notes to be able to qualify as intelligent, Hanna was different. All it took was one lecture and she got it.

My sister flatly declined because of the classic reason :"No one's gonna look after Jo."

I know she wants it so badly, but I also know that she cannot leave me here alone. I also know that it broke her heart, but she did not want me to think of it that way. But I heard her cry at night and it went on for weeks. I cannot cook a decent meal and don't know the anatomy of a washing machine. Basically, I would starve to death and be filthy until she came home once a week. I'd be very honest to say that I was glad that she turned them down for me because, I repeat, I am a selfish dumbass who cares about nothing but myself.

People have a funny and different way to show their love.

Some are like Hanna. Who prefers to smother you with tender loving care, the kind of people who would give you everything that nothing was left for them. They are easy prey for narcissists and gaslighters who only know to take and take and take until the source is depleted. Others are like me, the one time bigtime of love showers. If my plan had panned out, we could have a blast tomorrow on our birthday. I was promised a thousand dollars by Georgie for being his mule and that could've given us the birthday we deserved. Imagine having a thousand dollars to spend on your birthday. Imagine how much food I could buy. Imagine what kind of cake I could buy for her. I could even get her a dozen of her favorite red roses.

We could have spent it at home and invited her friends, Dylan and Cali and my friends too. Play a little game and maybe binge watch a movie while eating pizza and legally buy beers at the store down the corner. It would be fun. If only...

Now all he had was a broken nose, bruises on every inch of my frail body, a sister I had deliberately put into distress ,a whopping five grand bail and a hospital bill waiting to be settled. Piling up medical expenses for that kid in the hospital who is having a greater day than himself. If I have regrets tonight, it was because he never told Hanna he was sorry and that he was a jerk.

Maybe one day, I will stop being a jerk and drag to her life.

Hanna's life would definitely be better without him tagging along. She should have been studying at New York University now taking up any course that she fancied without having to worry about anyone but herself. He hated his ideas and his st*pid plans. They never worked out. If he could only turn back time, the time when they were still in their mother's bomb, he could have voluntarily aborted himself and not be a cause of problem for Hanna.

"Jo." He looked up and saw Chief Yates in front of the holding cell. The look of disappointment he had before was gone. In its place was a look of concern. He looked first at the duty guard and when he was certain that he was not paying them any attention, moved closer and instructed Jo to stand up and move closer.

"Hey." I said.

"What you did was reckless. Hanna does not deserve this sh*t, Jo."