Tethered by Almosts

While class was going on, my eyes were closed as I kept pressing my temple. Gosh, my head really hurts! It feels like it’s about to c***k open from the pain. I’m so tired—because I did overtime at work last night and didn’t even get to sleep. I’m even thinking of quitting because my boss is super mean. “Ms. Cervantes, are you listening?” Professor Kim suddenly called me. My eyes opened fast and I stood up from my seat. Everyone in class was looking at me, even Prof had a sharp look in his eyes. “Y-yes, Prof…” I said in a weak voice. “Then, can you explain the significance of Derrida’s deconstruction in contemporary literary criticism?” I froze. It felt like everything went dark except Prof Kim’s eyes staring at me. Deconstruction what? I think that’s the first time I’ve heard that. I was so nervous I just stared at the floor. “Ms. Cervantes,” Prof said, his voice calm but firm, “why are you not paying attention?” I took a deep breath. Oh no, I got caught. “I’m sorry, Prof… I’m just really tired. I came from work, and my head hurts… I haven’t slept yet.” “Katris,” Prof Kim replied, more serious this time. “You’re not the only one who’s tired. I’m standing here talking while you all don’t listen? That’s exhausting too. It makes me feel like my time is being wasted.” What he said felt like a slap. And he’s right. Even me, I don’t like it when people ignore me while I talk. “I’m sorry, Prof,” I answered softly, forcing myself to look up, but quickly looked down again. “Sit down.” I sat down fast and felt like my chair was sinking in shame. Marisse, my seatmate and one of my closest friends, tapped my back. “You okay?” she whispered. I just nodded, forcing a smile, but I really just wanted to sleep for a whole week straight. After a few minutes, the bell rang. Lunch time. I felt some relief knowing I didn’t have any class after this. But I have work. Hehe. One by one, the students started going out. I quietly fixed my stuff—pen, notebook, phone. “You did overtime again? You look so tired,” Marisse asked while fixing her things. “What else can I do? I need it for my daily needs,” I answered. In my world, no one supports me. I work and study at the same time just to survive. House, food, electricity, school—it’s all on me. She sat on the desk in front of me after packing up. “Give yourself time to rest, bruh,” she said. “If you lose your spot as valedictorian, you’ll also lose your scholarship.” I took a deep breath and smiled at her. We started walking out of the room. “It’s the final year anyway, Marisse. So it’s fine—” “Even so. What about job applications? Isn’t your dream company asking for a magna c*m laude?” What she said made me think. I can still do this. Just a bit more and I’ll graduate from here. A few moments later, my phone vibrated. It was Sister Via calling. She’s the woman who took care of me when I was in the orphanage. She’s like a mom to me because even after I left, she still checks on me and helps me however she can. “Hello, Sister?” “Katris, the one offering you a job called. She’s outside right now, waiting. Maybe you want to talk to her.” “Really, Sister? Okay po, thank you so much!” I ended the call and quickly said goodbye to Marisse. “Hey, wait!” I heard her call behind me as I left the room. I rushed my steps, almost running through the hallway and out the building. Near the gate, I saw a middle-aged woman waving in my direction. That must be her. I walked toward her, my hands shaking from nervousness. With every step closer, my heart started beating faster. Not just from nervousness—I couldn’t explain it. It felt light. Like there was a calm breeze brushing past me. I didn’t know her, but it felt familiar. “Uhm… are you the one who owns the company offering me work?” I asked, still unsure. She smiled. “Yes, that’s me. I’m Therese Moore, CEO of M&R Company.” My eyes widened. There was a strange tingling at the back of my neck. M&R? I know that! One of the biggest and most well-known companies in the Philippines. Always on the news. Always launching something new. No wonder she looked familiar—I’ve seen her online many times. But in person, she looked different. More beautiful. Elegant. Rich-looking but not scary. “Are your classes done?” she asked, her voice calm but gentle. “Yes po, we just got out,” I answered, trying to calm myself. “Great,” she smiled again. “Come with me? There’s a café nearby. We can talk better there.” I just nodded. I didn’t know why I said yes so fast. I followed her to the café across the street. I stayed quiet while we walked. I took a deep breath. This wasn’t the time to be overwhelmed. I didn’t even know what kind of job this was. When we entered the café, Ms. Therese looked around and picked a quiet table in the corner. I just followed her, still quiet, and I couldn’t help but notice how graceful she moved—like every action had a reason. Once seated, she called the waiter. “What do you want to drink?” she asked. “Uhm… anything’s fine,” I said. I was really shy, and I wasn’t even sure I should be here. “Two caramel macchiatos, please,” she told the waiter, then looked back at me. I nodded silently. I didn’t usually drink those kinds of things, but I didn’t say no. The mood was different. It didn’t feel like a casual talk. Every word felt heavy. “Sister Via told me you’re in your last year of college?” she started. “Yes po,” I said, trying to smile even though I was nervous. “It’s my final year now.” “What course did you take?” “Business administration po.” She smiled. Not just a polite smile—like it meant something. “That’s good,” she said. “That’s actually very interesting.” I suddenly wondered… how do they know each other? Sister doesn’t just give out people’s info like that. “How do you know Sister Via?” I asked. Ms. Therese took a deep breath. She looked out the window for a moment, thinking, before her eyes returned to the table. “I… went to the orphanage,” she began, her voice soft but clear. “I was planning to adopt. I was looking for a young woman… like 18 or older. Someone who’s mature enough for what I need.” I froze. She wanted to adopt? But… why not a child? “Unfortunately,” she continued, “all the children there were very young. But Sister Via recommended someone. She said she knew a girl who’s smart, hardworking, and kind.” I swallowed hard. I already knew who she was talking about. “She was talking about you.” I didn’t know what to say. Everything felt too much right now. “What kind of job are you offering?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm. She looked at me, then stared back at the table again. She looked unsure. Then slowly, she said: “I’m looking for someone to adopt… someone who can take my place. As the next CEO of M&R.” I froze again. It felt like someone squeezed my chest. “CEO?” I repeated softly. “Why do you need to adopt? Can’t you still have a child?” She looked at me with soft eyes, but they were deep. “I don’t have time, Katris. I was diagnosed with brain cancer. And the doctors told me… I have five months left.” I couldn’t move. It felt like a wall suddenly fell between us. I swallowed hard but had nothing to say. Earlier I was thinking about money, jobs, position—but now, nothing. My head was full but empty. “I worked hard for everything I built,” she added, tears forming in her eyes. “And I don’t want all of that to disappear when I’m gone. I need someone to continue it… and I believe that someone could be you.” She kept talking, even though her voice was shaking. “Please, Katris. This is for you too. Everything I have… could be yours.” I looked down. I didn’t know what to feel. My mind was so noisy but I didn’t know which thought to listen to. It felt like it was too easy for her to offer her company to someone she didn’t really know. “I don’t know. I-I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. When I looked up, she nodded. She took out a small card from her bag and gave it to me. “My name card. My number’s there too. I won’t pressure you. Take your time. Call me when you’re ready.” She stood up and smiled gently. “I’ll wait for your decision, Katris.” Then she walked out of the café. Me? I was left at the table, stunned. I held the card tightly, but my mind… was shattered. It’s like a whole new world was laid out in front of me, but I didn’t know if I should step into it… or run away from it.