Collateral Damage |+18|

8. I’m way too old for these games.

8. I’m way too old for these games.

Defne.

I set my lunch tray down on the table and take a seat, amused as I watch Levi and Kacey argue. They’re so wrapped up in their conversation that they haven’t even noticed I’m there.

“Defne!” She finally sees me, but before I can respond to her greeting, she adds in an intense tone, “Tell Levi how wrong he is.”

“About what?”

“Do you know Kris?” Levi asks, looking at me.

“The new guy from accounting?” I reply immediately. They both look at each other, surprised that I know who he is. I don’t mention that I’m aware of his presence because his arrival was a relief for me: I stopped being the new one and, therefore, stopped being the object of curiosity. Now he’s the center of attention.

So… thanks, Kris.

“Kacey wants to set him up with her cousin.”

“Okay.” I take a slow sip of my drink, looking from one to the other without understanding what the problem is.

“He’s gay, Defne,” Levi says in a bored tone, looking at me with an expression that makes me smile.

He looks like the whole situation is obvious and it annoys him that only he has the intelligence and wisdom to notice it.

“He’s not,” Kacey argues.

“I’m telling you he is,” our coworker insists.

“I’ve seen him checking out asses,” Kacey says, surprising me because it’s the most vulgar vocabulary I’ve ever heard from her. Though Levi usually brings out the worst in her… so it’s really not that strange.

“Big surprise, everyone checks out asses.” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Does he have to look only at d***s for you to accept that he’s gay?”

“Nobody looks at d***s,” I add.

“You’d be surprised at what I’ve seen people look at, my dear and sweet Def,” he tells me with a bit of pity, and I know he’s calling me naïve in his head. “I’m saving you from making a fool of yourself, Kacey. Listen to me, the guy is gay. Set him up with a cousin if you want, but not with your cousin Lily.”

“Why don’t you just ask him about his sexuality and that’s it?” I suggest, finding the most reasonable solution.

Kacey looks at me, alarmed.

“No, how could you think that? We don’t know him that well. What if he’s sensitive and by asking I hit a nerve by implying he’s gay or straight?”

“And you don’t go around asking people about their sexuality, Defne.”

“Why not? Life would be so easy if we were direct and honest, without fear of the truth. We’d save ourselves a lot of suffering.”

“That sounds like personal experience, Defne. What happened to you?” Levi looks at me with those nosy eyes of his.

I bite into my sandwich to buy time.

“Tell us,” Kacey joins in.

“I’d need a few drinks in me to tell you,” I start. “And I’m not drunk eno—”

“Perfect!” Levi interrupts me. “Drinks after work and we get your confession. Enjoy your meal, ladies.”

And he leaves, not giving me the chance to refuse his offer.

I look at Kacey, but she just shrugs, like there’s no other option.

God, sometimes I hate them.

|...|

Hidden behind a huge printer, I watch Kris from a safe distance.

The guy is handsome and outgoing. He has a pearly smile that he gives to everyone who approaches him. He’s kind to both men and women, without exception. He’s fairly masculine, but that tells me nothing about his s****l orientation. Someone doesn’t have to be feminine to be homosexual; there are very masculine men who are, and that’s perfectly fine, because one thing doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand with the other.

So how do I help Kacey without doing what I really want to do, which is going straight up to him and asking?

Just as an idea starts forming in my head, my phone vibrates in my hand.

I answer when I read his name on the caller ID.

“Miss Sinclair, shouldn’t you be at your workstation right now?” a male voice says in my ear, making me blush. Not because he’s caught me red-handed or because I think he’s angry—he’s not—but because of his tone, that accent that does things to my stomach. And if you add to that his low, rough, slow voice, as if he’s deliberately waiting for me to blush, the effect is inevitable.

Matheo Slade can be a seducer when he wants to be, and right now he very much wants to be.

“I’m in the bathroom,” I half-lie, since I was in the bathroom, I’ve just strayed a little from my path at the last second.

“Defne, I’ve been waiting for you for ten minutes and you didn’t come to your cubicle. Unless you’re having a feminine emergency and—”

“No, no, it’s not that.” Damn it, why am I so bad at thinking of believable excuses? Why can’t I think of something that isn’t embarrassing? “I’m fine. Nothing happened. I’m just… being a bit of a stalker in the accounting department. I’m hiding behind a printer.”

“What?”

“Well, I’m watching the new guy from accounting. You know, the dark-haired one with the nice smile? The thing is, I want to know if…”

“I’m not liking where this conversation is going.”

“I need to know if he likes women or not.”

“Defne,” he almost growls. “You’re making me seriously consider firing all the men here and keeping only women. First Levi, and now…”

My eyes widen when I realize what he thinks, and when that sinks in, I laugh, covering my mouth with my hand so it won’t be heard.

“Take that hand away from your mouth, Buttercup. I want to hear you laugh, even if it’s at my expense.”

“I’m not interested in him, it’s for Kacey’s cousin.”

“Thank God,” I hear him say. “Wait for me, I’m coming over.”

I slip my phone into the pocket of my dress and look back at my prey. I can’t help feeling like knowing his s****l orientation has become something personal. I don’t want Lily to get her hopes up if she doesn’t stand a chance.

“And what exactly are we doing here?” a whisper reaches my ear; his hand slides along my lower back until it grips my waist.

I turn to look at him, a smile on my lips.

It’s the first time we’ve spoken in person since I stayed the night at his apartment three days ago. That night, after he bought me ointment for the wound, we talked a bit more and then went to sleep, each in separate rooms. It was obvious my battered body wouldn’t accept anything more. Besides, I feel like we both reached a silent agreement: we were moving too fast.

Since then, we’ve exchanged messages and thrown each other little looks from afar. We’ve also been immersed in our work. So yes, I hadn’t seen him this close… until now, when he’s right in front of me, stealing all my attention.

So I start talking.

“I want to know if Kris is gay or not. If he isn’t, Kacey wants to introduce him to her cousin Lily. She saw him leaving the company yesterday when she came to drop off some papers Kass had left at home. Lily was instantly smitten. Levi says he’s gay, which we’re not sure about. I suggested asking him directly, but they’re afraid of hurting his feelings and—”

“And I’ve never heard you say so many words since I met you,” he interrupts me, lifting his hands to gently silence me. “I get what you want, but… why is this so important to you?”

Because I spent months in a relationship with an asshole who used me as a cover to hide his homosexuality, as if it were something to be ashamed of, and I don’t want anyone else to go through that. So yes, I’m taking this personally.

Of course, I don’t tell him any of that. Instead, I blurt out, “I want you to show him your penis.”

Matt looks at me in silence, his face completely blank, not expressing anything, absolutely nothing that tells me what my words did to him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kris stand up, and I thank fate for being on my side when I see him walking straight toward the bathroom.

I grab Matt by the elbow and silently push him in that direction while whispering, “Go, show him your penis.”

“Defne…”

“Please,” I say, looking around as I move him and pin him against a small gap in the hallway that hides us a bit from the others. “Go and do what men do in bathrooms.”

“And what would that be?”

“Use the act of peeing to show off their merchandise!” I whisper-shout, pressing myself against him as I look at him pleadingly. “Go, stand next to the urinal he’s using and pull out your sword. Please, Matt…”

“Defne…” He stares at my lips.

“If he looks, according to Levi, then he’s gay.”

Matt runs his hands over his face, up and down, letting out a laugh somewhere between incredulous and amused, like he can’t believe me.

And indeed, he says it.

“I can’t believe you.”

“Please!” And grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, I shove him toward the bathroom.

Before the door closes, I think I hear him say, “The things I do for you.”

I return to the small gap to hide and, after what feels like an eternity, Matt comes back, walking patiently toward me.

“So?” I ask.

He slips his hands into his pockets and, looking off to the side, whispers, “Sometimes, I really want to kill you.”

“Matt!”

“When I did the act of peeing, as you call it… he looked at my penis.” He nods, lips pressed tightly together, glaring at me. “But considering that seconds before that, I had you pressed against me, looking at me with those devilish eyes of yours and whispering a ‘please, Matt’ that sent my mind straight to imagining you begging for my c**k, it’s normal that he looked, Defne.”

“What?”

He takes my hand and presses it against his crotch, hard and swollen against the fabric of his pants.

“I was hard… so yes, my employee looked at my penis.”

By instinct, I squeeze him, pulling a growl from him.

Quickly, he corners me, bracing his hands against the wall behind me and lowering his face to look at me.

“Now there’s an employee out there probably telling my staff that their boss was hard in the bathroom for no apparent reason.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Do you see what you do to me?”

“I’m sorry,” I laugh, looking at him with bright eyes at how funny the situation is.

My hand is still holding him, so I stroke him again.

He drops his forehead to my shoulder and growls unintelligible words against my skin.

When his hand lands on my waist and grips me tightly, like he’s putting everything he has into controlling himself, I stop, aware that we’re going too far.

We’re at work, for God’s sake.

Slowly, I pull his shirt out of his pants and let it fall, hiding the erection that was already impossible to disguise.

He watches me silently the entire time, observing my hands and my face, attentive to every movement and every reaction I have toward him.

Finally, satisfied with his appearance, I nod and lean up. I take his jaw in my hands, slide my thumbs over his beard in a caress, and look straight into his eyes, helping him calm down. Little by little, the more I stroke him, his eyes clear and the desire shifts, melting into something sweet and gentle.

“Better?” I whisper, my thumbs moving over the corners of his mouth.

“I think I’m way too old for these games.”

“You’re perfect.”

Gently, I feel his hand move over my ass until he gives it a quick squeeze.

“Come on. Let’s get back to work, love.”

With my hands still on his jaw, I lean up and kiss the tip of his nose, then turn and walk away.

It’s when I reach my cubicle that I realize it: I haven’t stopped smiling the whole way.

And I don’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.