Moments From Death

For as long as I could remember, I was always by Mikael's side. Or was it Mikael that was by mine? Even now in this frigid weather of the war, as long as he was by my side I knew that nothing could go wrong. We would return to Father as we were promised. It was always just the both of us playing with our swing set in the backyard, him sitting, me pushing although Father always offered to push us and our set could fit the both of us. How I look back at those memories with such fondness. Our childhood was filled with as much bliss as one would imagine. We were home-schooled so we never had too many friends. Father didn't like it when we had friends. As he always said; ‘Friends are simply a liability and a weakness. If you have family, you need no one else.’ His words had kept us watching each other's back at all times. Although I'm the elder twin, Mikael – who was only 6 and a half minutes younger- had always been the daredevil. He has more courage than he needs and is brash in more ways than one. He has enough boldness for the both of us and sometimes I feel as though he carries the weight of being the bold, daring figure –everything that I'm not-, and I am the rationality that binds us to the ground once he has gone too far into our fantasy world that nobody else can see but us. One could've only imagined half the things that we were up to in our world. We created cities, laid waste to worlds, feasted on the souls of our enemies, all in the premise of our backyard, but who cared? The world was ours. Sometimes though, we would just sit in silence and talk to each other in our heads. That was the most fun. Mother would sometimes walk in on our silent conversation and ask what we were doing. Sometimes, we would answer in our head, then laugh in realization that she couldn’t hear us and keep on speaking amongst ourselves. It was that –spending time with each other or stealing cookies that Mother would keep for guests, or spending time with Father who would have us in the backyard working tirelessly to develop various skills. Be it carpentering –making our own toys out of wood, soccer, or anything which Father deemed would be of some sort of help in our future. He has always been one to hone us in everything we got, and amongst it all, his favorite was knife throwing. I had always been the taller and beefier of the two of us, and yet Mikael was the better sharpshooter. It never failed to amaze Father and I whenever he managed to hit the bulls eye twice–thrice in a row. He was just incredible and every time he stepped up to the block, I could feel the pride he had himself as he had for me for doing well and improving each time. Father always would praise us repeatedly, his face lit with so much pride and joy, because he was always just, ‘So proud of his little boys.’ After another day of settling his numerous issues with the parliament, Father came home with the scariest look on his face. His thin lips pulled back into a mix between a snarl and a frown, his face contoured. ‘Alexi, what do you think Father is thinking of right now?’ We would always ask one another 'What do you think they are thinking right now?’ I paused before answering. ‘I don't know.’ Until today, I have never seen anyone make a face like that. It was the look of pure disgust and hatred. I was confused. Was he... Disgusted at us? If so, for what? He dragged my brother and I into the backyard. The sky was a gloomy, drab slate of grey and I knew nothing good would ever come out of this. We were only 10 at the time, but I knew from the amount of nights Father had spent out drinking since Mother had left us for some rich Мудак, that he was too far gone. He was seething as he ran his hands through his matted and graying hair. His tie was undone and hanging limply around his neck and the stains of spilt alcohol matted his front lapel. We watched as the invisible dam in him broke and with dilated pupils and flared nostrils, he screamed and threw his fists at Mikael who dodged to the side as he was a lot more agile and sane compared to father. The terror in his eyes stopped my heart as he shoved us back to the living room. All Mikael and I could do was curl around each other and cry. I could hear his thoughts and I know he could hear mine because we were asking the same thing. Why? We watched as Father punched the wall over and over again –screaming as he did so, leaving his knuckles bloody and bruised, his voice hoarse and the wall stained with the copper sheen of his blood. Mikael finally spoke up. “Father,” He said with some hesitation, the both of us tensing as he slowly turned to face us, his normally slicked back hair, falling across his face giving him the appearance of a crazed man. His eyes looked bloodshot as though he had been crying for a while. The vein at the base of his neck bulged and pulsed as he took in labored breaths and with each and every passing second scaring us more, fists still up in the air and this time, pointed at us as he glared. “Father, what's wrong?” This must have snapped him out of his rut as immediately, we watched his bottom lip tremble and then quaver so hard. Then, he told us the news –That the government was looking for twins for military use and we were chosen-, “They will take you from me.” He said. Perhaps at the time we didn't understand it, but my brother and I could only try and comfort our father. We found out a lot later, he couldn't have done anything to stop it as well as was the main cause of it. Mother came to visit us a lot after the news got out. It was all over the news. We were famous, our pictures and dozens of other twins as well, were published in newspapers and flyers everywhere. We were the saviors in the eyes of our doomed nation but we were only 9. Our neighbors showered us with gifts and words of thanks. Perhaps we were too caught up in the fame to realize what would ensue next. And all of a sudden, we are following Father to work, sitting in cold metal chairs while tall suited men question us over and over again. The same things, sometimes with Mikael and I in the same room, or us sitting in separate rooms. I wasn't sure what the purpose of this was at the time, but now I know. They wanted to see if we could mind speak. It was only later that I realized, we were mutants of some sort. Once they were satisfied and certain we could mind speak, we were brought out of the facility and back into Father's open arms. We had to pass endless hallways and in every room, we saw the same thing. Twins. Hundreds of them -maybe even thousands. They were all being tested as well. I shivered and grabbed Mikael's hand and squeezed tight. Every time Father sees us these days, all he would do is cry. Again, at the time perhaps I didn't understand it, but now I do. "They will take you from me.” It wasn't even a week later when the government officials came to collect us. Mother cried as they wrenched us from her barely 4 second embrace and loaded us on their green army military trucks. We watched as for the first time in so long, she turned to Father and cried and pleaded as he held her so closely and so tightly. It was clear now. The only thing that was holding them together all those years, was us. The sky was a dull slab of grey –which I know now that is never a good sign- and the sun was nowhere to be found. The police sirens were blared all around us as we were transported to the city's center. We were amongst 3 other sets of twins, all ranging between 10 and 13. Mumbled hellos were passed along as it seemed like we were the last pair as we barreled towards the boring and plain city, far away from our greener suburbs. The younger ones including us were ecstatic to be there, gawping at all the commotion. People were strewn in the streets screaming and crying at us, for us. They truly did believe that we were the saviors of the nation. We were idolized in so many people's eyes and yet, I could not help but feel like we were walking into the devil's belly. Perhaps the older ones -the two boys sitting across from us with frowns on their faces were told the truth. Had Father not come home in a daze and borderline insane that day, perhaps we wouldn't have been told either. It was clear that the louder of the girl twins had the truth sugar coated and they were oblivious to any sort of future that all of us may have as they giggle and laugh as the scenery pass us all by. It is such a luxury to sit in a car that I have to remember that we are quite fortunate that Father works in the government and has a car. Had we gone to a public school, we would've been the talk of the town. As we passed and parted the masses, a lone elderly woman came out onto the road and stood between us, and the capital city gates. The clothes she wore were plain and her hair matted and grey. For the life of us, I heard her. She yelled about how our politicians were simply using children as dupes to defend the nation. They were sending us as the bogeys to distract the enemy. As our van drew nearer, she didn't move, instead shouting louder over the chaos, her voice loud and clear. She patronized the crowds and the government for allowing this sort of treated on mere children. The next thing we knew, it was silent. Her voice gone. There was a bump beneath us and I saw the older kids go green, sick to their stomachs. I can only describe it as I looked behind, I only saw the red stain on the ground, as red as our beloved flag, trailing into the drains as people crowded around her and a child wailed. I would never know her name. Mikael held my hand the rest of the way there. It was clear that the other sets of twins were doing the same. They all probably shared the same thoughts. They all could probably hear each other's thoughts and talk in their heads too. Mikael and I were sure of that. The car was silent. Too silent. All I could do was stare out of the window and fiddle with the hem of my standard army issue pants that they had forced me into. Outside, the masses of people had begun to thin as we neared the city. How odd. I also noticed another truck ahead of us. Perhaps it was more twins? I couldn't be sure. I didn't seem to notice it before. When did they join our entourage? Just then, a meek girl perhaps our age, perhaps older spoke up with a quavering lip and a loud booming voice which was the complete opposite from the pregnant silence that had filled the car not even minutes ago. “My name is Erika and this is my sister Virska. We don't really like making friends and we don't really like you, but seeing as we are probably stuck with you, I suppose it's time to introduce ourselves.” The blonde girl said, her voice crackling as she spoke. Mother probably would have said she needed to drink more water. At her loud voice, one of our drivers in the front seat slid open the screen and hissed out a warning to us to be silent as we drove towards the city. No noise would be tolerated. The car was silent again until Mikael cleared his throat. “I am Mikael,” He started, “And I am Alexi.” I finished. The older twins sitting next to us smiled boyishly. Had we not been in such dire circumstances, perhaps the other girls would have swooned over their tousled auburn locks, ocean blue eyes and crooked smiles. “We are Dimitri and Alek. But you may call us Dimitri and Alek.” With that, they had a laugh amongst themselves, the tinkling yet roughness of their quiet laughs bringing a smile to each of our faces, almost instantly lightening the mood if not by much, but it was something. I liked them. A loud bang from the front through the closed screen indicated that our drivers wanted us to shut up and yet, the smiles on our faces were evident enough, 2 adults were not just going to ruin our fun. The other two girls who were quiet and sitting in the corner of the room barely looked up at us as they spoke in tandem. “We are Sophia and Anna and we want nothing more than not to be here.” They mutter so quietly I almost missed them. They were beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Mother. They had stormy grey eyes that reminded me of the sky today, intelligent looking things that made me wonder just how much they knew about us. All of us. Anna –or was it Sophia? Looked at us curiously and then looked at her sister who nodded. It appears they were capable of conversing in their heads too. ‘Mikael?’ ‘Yes, Alexi?’ ‘What do you think they are thinking about right now?' There seemed to be a pause as he took them in. Their slight features and blonde hair, braided down both sides with matching red ribbons attached at the end, tied in bows which frayed slightly at the end. Their pale skin a stark contrast to their army issued scrubs which were an ugly color of mature green, the same as every other army regiment uniform. Just the thought of these two sweet looking girls on the front lines with us made my blood boil and made me seethe with anger as Mikael looked at me curiously. ‘I don't know.’ It felt like centuries later until we reached the capital but perhaps it was just my boyish tendencies of wanting to get up and move instead of sitting silently in a moving car for more than an hour. None of us had time to even get to know each other better as every time we would say something, the drivers up front would hit on the screen or even yell at us to shut up. It seemed as they were listening to our conversation, listening to us introduce ourselves and that would be it. ‘How boring.’ I thought as I rolled my eyes. However, as soon as we reached the capital, we were ushered out into a tall cement building, one of which the likes I had never seen before. There were no windows, only a single sturdy metal door with a single flap to act as communication. Our driver knocked in a certain way and the door immediately creaked open. We were pushed inside and without even a warning, the heavy door was closed and we were plunged into darkness. I vaguely remember being pushed roughly down a corridor to a room which seemed to have a greenish tint and glow to it. I hadn't even realized it because it was so quiet anyways that the other pairs of twins were no longer with us. It was just Mikael and I once again. And even then, they separated us and placed us into different rooms. From what I felt from Mikael, he was beginning to feel nervous about being separated and that made me nervous as well. My room was plain, all white with a single wooden chair in the center of the room, and a bed which had nothing except a worn-out mattress and a lumpy looking pillow. From all over, I felt eyes pinning me to the spot and I knew Mikael felt it too. We were being watched. Without a moment's notice, I began pacing the floor, my nerves getting the better of me. I knew Mikael was doing the same and I swear I heard pen scratching against paper. So, they were taking down notes, were they? ‘Mikael, I think they are watching us.’ I mind whisper to him. As always, there is a pause as I feel him contemplate what it meant for us. ‘I do believe so Alexi. But what shall we do about it?’ But before I even had a chance to answer, I heard a scream that sounded so far away. It wasn't a quiet scream either. One of the girls. I felt panic bubble up inside me. ‘They will take you from me.’ Fathers words kept echoing in my head as I felt Mikael's panic double as his door opened. From his mind's eye, I saw men walk into the room wheeling in syringes and vials of a green tinted liquid. I needn’t look for long because a second too soon, the same amount of men walked into my room as well. I felt Mikael seize up with fear and that same creeping feeling crept its way up my neck and wrap so tightly around my throat and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I backed my way up into the corner and there they had me. A doctor walked in with his white coat, took one look at me in the corner and shook his head. “You poor, poor things.” He muttered as his assistants gently yet firmly took hold of me. We were just sheep amongst wolves. What could we do? What could any of us do? One of the nurses even had the audacity to smile at me. As though it was just a routine check-up and we do this all the time. And that's when I heard Mikael scream bloody murder from down the hall. In an instant, my eyes widened at the insane flashes of pain that ripped through my core. I felt like I was being torn apart and yet I couldn't scream. I couldn't do anything. Helpless. I thought about the boyish Willem and Alek, the beautiful and quiet Sophia and Anna, the rowdy Erika and Virska and of course, my brother. I wished with all my heart that it wasn't as bad as it was for them than it was going for me. For Mikael, and yet, all I could do was gape up at my assailant, the Doctor, as he brought the needle closer and closer to my neck. From the emptiness inside of me, I knew Mikael had been knocked out cold. I could feel that he was barely holding on and of all the rational thoughts zooming in my head at top speed, all I knew was that I needed to be there for my brother. My only brother. Mikael. Then, I screamed and kicked and pulled at my bonds, tried to bite the hands that held me down, struggled against them as the Doctor frowned down at me, all rational thought escaping right out the window with whatever was left of my sanity. Without a word of caution, he simply struck the needle into my arm with purpose and pumped me full of the venom looking liquid. My head felt light. I was losing all my senses, the world around me spiraling like a cyclone. I whimpered as I felt it cool my hot blood and still my thoughts. ‘Alexi…’ I heard Mikael whisper in my head as my limp body was carried onto the bed and I was tucked into bed by that same nurse who smiled at me. She stroked my hair and left the room, leaving me with my thoughts and my brother who was hurting just as bad in the other room. Tears began to escape my eyes as I cried silently at a loss. I wasn’t sure what I lost, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it back. ‘Yes Mikael.’ I whispered back. No answer. Behind my heavy eyelids, all I saw was the pulsing green fluid surging through my body. I can’t explain exactly what was going on except when I woke up, I felt calm. Calmer than I had ever been before. I knew that Mikael was awake and that he was pacing. Always with the pacing. “Mikael.” I said out loud, testing my voice. It sounded strange even to my ears. Hoarse and dry as though I hadn't had water for months. I sat up and looked down at my palms. There was no trace of an injection, no trace of the pain that I had felt moments earlier. Moments from death, I realised too soon. Too close for comfort and yet too far out of reach.