Mistletoe and the Alpha's Sin

CHAPTER 2: A GHOST

IVA

Nik’s words hung in the air. “You were dreaming about your brother again,” and right at that moment, I came undone, soaking my already soaked panties.

Leaping off the bed, I almost tripped over my feet as I bolted to the bathroom, the ache from earlier long forgotten. I was mortified, and all I could think about was what else I said and how long he had been standing there.

Slamming the door shut, I turned the lock with shaking fingers, my breath in short, sharp bursts. I stumbled to the sink, twisted the faucet, and splashed cold water over my face again and again.

I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t bear to see my reflection as shame dripped through me like poison. My skin still tingled where Lev had touched me in the dream, and my lips still trembled with the ghost of his kiss.

Pressing my palm against my mouth, it was as though I could wipe away the taste of him. But I couldn’t, and a sob clawed up my throat.

My thighs were wet, and I knew I had not c*m once but over and over in the dream, like it always happened. Panic surged, and I fumbled with the hem of my dress, scrambling until I tugged my panties off and I watched them hit the cold tiles.

My hands trembled as I picked them up and rinsed them in the sink, hating myself, hating my body. I wrung them out and threw them into the laundry basket, chest heaving even as I desperately fought to calm myself. My hands flew to my heart, feeling it racing wildly as if it were trying to escape me.

This feeling wasn’t new, but it still overwhelmed me as if it were the first time, because every time the dream came, it broke me in the same way. It tore me open, reminding me that he still lived in the deepest part of me and there was nowhere far enough to run.

Warmth spilled down my cheeks, and I hastily wiped the tears away as I finally lifted my gaze. My reflection stared back at me, hollow-eyed and trembling.

“What are you doing, Iva?” I whispered to the girl in the mirror. But it wasn’t me. I had no control. I didn’t choose these dreams that chained me to him, no matter how far I ran.

But my inner voice told me I had chosen him; I had chosen to love him, to give myself to him, despite knowing it was wrong. It was my doing, my choice, and my lips trembled, desperately shutting the voice down, knowing I couldn't afford to fall apart.

It had been almost three years. How long did it have to be?

A knock pulled me back just then.

“Babe?” Nik’s voice came through the door, thick with concern. “Are you okay in there?”

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. “I’m fine.” But my voice sounded too thin, even for my own ears, and I knew he could hear it too. There was silence for a moment before he spoke again, and I could feel the soft slide of his back leaning against the door.

“I’m here,” he said quietly. “If you want to talk. You know that, right?”

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “I know,” I whispered. “I’m fine." There was another pause before he spoke again, gently, “Do you want me to go get Akari?”

"Yes," I breathed, and he responded with an "okay."

“Do you need me to get you anything on my way back? Short ribs?”

“No. I… I can’t stomach anything right now. I'm okay.”

“All right. I’ll see you in a minute.”

I should have gone. I could have used the air to clear my head. But I couldn’t face him, not with the dream still on my skin. And I didn’t trust myself to drive like this. Not when my hands still shook.

Moving toward the shower, I stripped fast and stepped under the ice-cold water. My body recoiled as it crashed over me, but I needed it. The shadow I was trying to wash away flashed against the darkness behind my eyelids. His face replayed over and over, and I pressed my forehead against the cold tile, letting the water stream down my back.

“Wash it away. Please. Just take it away. Even for a minute.“

I stood there until my skin went numb and the water dulled the burn in my chest. Until the nightmare faded to a soft ache instead of a scream. I dried off and opened the bathroom door, only to pause.

Nik was back, and it was as I stared at him that I realized how much time I had spent locked up in that bathroom.

“We’re back,” he said softly, walking toward me with the same concern in his eyes. “Akari’s sleeping. I've put him to bed,” he added, to which I nodded, thanking him while the air thickened between us.

Nik loved me… completely. He was always ready to be whatever I needed, whenever I needed it. And not just for me, but for my son as well. He had been our anchor, our safe place in every storm. And yet… I could never give him the one thing he wanted most--my heart.

There was a hole where it used to be, and in that hole, a ghost still lived.

FLASHBACK

Opening my eyes, a smile lit up my face as I shifted to my side. Lev was still asleep, his arm draped lazily over my waist.

Leaning in, I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. I loved watching him sleep, but my bladder had other plans. I needed to use the bathroom. I tried to move, but his hold only tightened, pulling me closer, causing me to giggle softly as I pressed another kiss to his cheek.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I whispered against his skin, and he groaned, his lips brushing my ear as he mumbled something unintelligible. But soon enough, he relaxed and let go.

I slipped out of the bed, hearing his breathing even out almost instantly. He was always like that, a deep sleeper, unlike me, who was always up at the crack of dawn. Maybe because I knew I needed to sneak back into my room before everyone awoke.

It was Sunday, and the night before had been… perfect. Lev had taken me out of town, just the two of us. We had a candlelight dinner on a rooftop overlooking glittering streets while listening to soft music and stealing kisses under fairy lights.

Afterward, he surprised me with tickets to a masked parade in the old part of the city. It was the first time I had attended one, as I had just turned eighteen and our parents finally let me go out without a curfew.

It was beautiful with lanterns glowing from balconies and music drifting through the night like magic. And there, hidden behind the masks and the smoke… we were free.

We could touch, kiss, and be us without fear. His hand rested on my waist, my lips brushing against his jaw as our bodies pressed together to the rhythm of violins and drums. My heart fluttered now just remembering it before my thighs pressed together on instinct as the heat climbed up my neck.

I was still staring at him, lost in the haze, when his voice broke through. “I thought you needed to use the bathroom,” he murmured, eyes half-open with a sleepy smile on his face, and my face mirrored his.

“I do,” I whispered, biting my lower lip, before turning to the next thing my eyes landed on. It was his jacket, and I grabbed it and threw it on before hurrying to the bathroom before he saw the flush on my cheeks.

Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it for a breath, still smiling, but then something fell, taking me out of the blissful haze as it landed near my feet.

It was the pregnancy test, and I froze. When Lev swept me away for our date, I was on my way back from the store where I had just bought it. There had been a chill in the air, and he’d draped his jacket over my shoulders. I’d tucked the test into the pocket and forgotten about it until now.

My hands trembled as I bent down and picked it up, reality tearing through the bliss like glass shattering on stone. I bought it because I had missed my period.

But if I were pregnant…

Pregnant with my brother’s child…

A cold wave of shame washed through me, stifling.

What would we do?

What would I do?

“Iva?” Nik’s voice snapped me back into the present, and I struggled to get my bearings as his face swam into focus.

END OF FLASHBACK

Concern creased his brow, and I realized he must have said my name more than once.

“I-yeah." Inhaling sharply, I nodded. His eyes said he didn’t believe me. But instead of pressing, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. I let him hold me, but only for a moment, because guilt burned through my skin, like his touch was fire.

“I’m going to check on Akari,” I murmured, pulling away too soon, and he nodded, though I could still see he wanted to say something.

Pivoting, I headed toward the door, still feeling his eyes on me. I was relieved he let it go. But he spoke just as I reached the door, shattering that relief, and I paused, my heart lurching to my throat at his next words.

“Your brother’s name was not the only thing you said.”