Mistletoe and the Alpha's Sin

CHAPTER 3: A KIND CALMNESS

IVA

Every bone in my body locked while my heart thundered so violently I thought it would bruise my ribs.

I didn’t dare turn around as my mind spun, hundreds of thoughts crashing in all at once. I knew it was only a matter of time before my mouth betrayed me and my secret clawed itself back into the light.

Nik’s footsteps were soft and unhurried as he crossed the room, but each one was a countdown as I stared at the wall, arms limp at my sides.

He stopped behind me, and his hands fell on my shoulders before he slowly turned me toward him. I didn’t resist, and my lips trembled, ready to explain, to tell him whatever he thought he heard wasn’t true.

But the words wouldn’t come forth, just as my gaze wouldn’t lift to his. Instead, I remained head bowed, bracing for the explosion of disgust, of disbelief, and the questions.

But silence stretched instead before his hand found its way under his chin. Gently, he lifted it, and there was nowhere to hide. His eyes met mine, and my breath hitched at the kind calmness behind them. There was no trace of disgust, but only sympathy, and tears blurred my vision in a mix of relief and confusion.

“I know you miss them, Iva,” he said, caressing my cheek. “I know you miss your family.” Relief hit me like air after drowning at his words. He didn’t know. He hadn't heard what I thought.

“I-” my voice cracked, but he interjected.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of it,” he continued. “I’ve seen the way you panic after these dreams.”

His thumbs brushed my lip. “But there’s nothing wrong with missing home. Especially now. You need your family more than ever.”

I swallowed hard and nodded quickly as I stepped back before he could say anything more. “Thank you,” I murmured. “But I’m okay.”

I didn’t wait for his reply. I turned and walked away, relief washing over me in dizzying waves as I exited the room. He had no idea, and if he did, he'd never touch me again. He’d never look at me with love but only disgust.

Plus, there was no use talking about missing my family when I could never go back. The little I shared with Nik about them was a result of his discovery of who I was. Otherwise, I would have never told him who I was.

My family was well-known and too influential. They owned VV Technologies, VV Pharmaceuticals, and VV Security Enterprises--names stamped across continents. Their wealth reached cities I had never even seen, every airport screen, every magazine cover, and every gala. And it seemed to follow me no matter how many flights I took or countries I crossed.

Even here in Greysands, a small coastal city cradled between mountains and sea, I still couldn’t truly escape it. People here didn’t worship money or power. They lived quietly, minding their own business except for my fiancé, of course.

But I suppose he didn’t only know because he cared about the elite. He knew because he was a businessman too. His family owned the most beloved bakery chain in the region, and their pastries were famous around these parts.

Nik never asked why I left. He always respected that I didn’t want to talk about it, and I guess that was part of the reason we were engaged two years later. I appreciated that he didn’t try to seek my family for favors like the rest of the boys who used to buzz around me growing up, solely for that benefit.

Pushing open the door to Akari’s room, all thoughts of Nik and of my family vanished the moment my eyes landed on my sleeping angel, except one... his father. The man I could never erase from my mind, because his face stared back at me every day from our son.

Akari slept peacefully, one tiny hand curled near his cheek, his dark lashes dusting over skin soft as clouds. Reaching out carefully, I ran my finger through his hair, that same thick bronze as Lev's. He looked so much like him, with the same nose and hazel eyes. And his smile… even now, as he slept, the corner of his mouth lifted just slightly. That same crooked, sleepy grin his father wore in the mornings.

He was the reason I could never go home, no matter how much I missed them. They would see him and know what we did. Yes, it was normal for a child to resemble their uncle… but this? This wasn’t resemblance. It was a mirror and I just knew that they’d know.

And what about Lev? I never told him. What if he would have begged me not to keep the baby? What if…

I couldn’t finish that thought as tears burned behind my eyes and I took his tiny hand into mine, careful so I wouldn’t wake him. “My baby,” I whispered, my son… my greatest sin and only salvation. Still careful, I climbed next to him, and the questions came tumbling back to me like a downpour.

Why did it have to be like this? Why did he have to be my brother? Why couldn’t he have been part of another family… or why couldn’t I have belonged to another family? How was it possible to love someone I was never supposed to love this much? How did something so wrong feel so painfully, desperately right?

‘Because he loved you too.’

The thought echoed like a hush in the back of my mind. ‘Because he was the one who never changed.’

Before I could push it away, memories tugged me backward to when I was a child.

I used to think everything was perfect before my sister was born. My mother used to braid my hair every morning, kissing the top of my head and calling me her sunshine. But the moment my sister arrived, things began to shift, gently at first, too soft for a child to mention, but loud enough for me to feel.

She stopped braiding my hair. She started forgetting to kiss my forehead. At five, I told myself she was just tired. At six, I believed she would remember me again. By seven, I tried even harder. I brought her flowers from the garden, drew her pictures, and cleaned my room without being asked. She would smile, distracted, say “thank you,” and then turn to my sister, lifting her into her arms as if she were the sun.

But it was when I turned nine that I couldn’t hide from it anymore.

She forgot my birthday cake that year. Everyone stood around the table, candles lit on the cake that read my sister's name, not mine. They said it was a mistake, two birthdays so close together, just a mix-up. But even at nine, I knew it was more than that. It wasn’t a matter of forgetting; it was a deliberate choice.

No matter how loud I tried to exist, I was fading.

And just when I thought it was the same for everyone, Lev stepped up and took my hand. He was three years older than me, but he noticed. He saw everything, and he stayed.

When Mother forgot something important to me, he reminded her. When I sat alone on the cold stairs, he sat beside me. When I cried into the pillow so no one would hear, he climbed into my bed and whispered that I wasn’t alone, that I was his favorite person in the whole world.

He became the place I ran to. He filled every space my mother left inside me, and he never once made me feel like I had to earn it.

The memories dissolved, leaving only the ache in my chest as my inner voice spoke again, snapping me back to the present.

‘You both got caught up,’ it breathed softly. ‘You mistook your bond for something more,’ it continued, but it didn’t feel like a mistake. It felt like it was meant to be.

Lying my head on the pillow beside Akari, I closed my eyes, his hand still resting in mine.

I must have drifted off without meaning to because the edges of sleep were starting to pull me under when gentle hands brushed my shoulder and a soft voice whispered in my ear.

“It’s time for your medication.”

My eyes fluttered open to find Nik beside the bed, packets of pills and a glass of water in his hands. I carefully slipped my hand out of Akari’s fingers and got off the bed. “Thank you,” I muttered, taking the pills from Nik and tossing them into my mouth before taking the glass of water and drinking it all in one go while moving past him towards the door.

“The doctor said they might make you feel nauseous at first,” Nik reminded gently, falling into step beside me. “I looked up a few things that could help with that.”

He rubbed my back gently as we walked toward the living area, and I murmured. “Thank you. I’ll remember that when I feel nau-”

But I didn’t finish, as Nik suddenly stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, but didn’t get the words out fast enough as his soft but firm voice beat me to it.

“You’re going to be okay, my love. I know it’s scary, but the doctor said they caught it early. Your chances are good, and you’re strong. You’ll fight this.”

I forced a small smile and nodded. “I know. I… I’m trying. Thank you.”

But he wasn’t done. His eyes held mine, searching deeper, past the illness, past the exhaustion, before his next words rattled my bones.

“Why did you leave home, Iva? What happened to you?” he asked quietly. “Why won’t you go back? I love you, and whatever happened won't change how I feel or how I’ll always be here for you. Please talk to me.”